Shouting in the garden and football hitting the fence

[TwistedFairytales]

We have a very small garden. We have an 8ft trampoline in it and 2 mini football goals. My 2 boys 7 and 9, tend to shout as kids do, very loudly when bouncing and excited. They also tend to kick the football and hit the back fence when they miss which backs onto another garden. The ball also hits the living room windows on occasion.

My husband has absolutely zero tolerance for any of this, the shouting and banging the fence and window. We bought a lighter ball and it actuallymakes the same noise banging the fence but it would be extremely unlikely ot would cause any damage. That tells me the harder football is making it sound worse than it is if that makes sense.
I try to tell them gently and nicely about it but he just goes in like a bull bellowing at them and shoutong to stop it. Its got to the point now where they dont want to play outside anymore ad they say 'we'll just get told off'. I'm more tolerant of the situation and kids will be kids. We are the middle house of three terraces. 4yo boy one side, couple early 60s other side with grown up boys. We get on well with all of them.

AIBU to think shouting and fence banging isnt really that much of a big deal? We have argued over it as we both disagree with the others attitude.

dh sounds stressed out but yelling at the dc isn't the way to go. maybe they could go out to play for a set time then do something quieter. i doubt your neighbours would like constant noise if truth be known, but i'd rather hear your dc than a grown man shouting and whinging.
perhaps dh could try ear plugs of head phones for music.

We have moved from a big garden to a smaller one. I have banned ball games in the garden as my kids couldn't stop kicking the ball over the fence and I was worried it would annoy the neighbours or smash a conservatory. They have a swing ball, trampoline and can skateboard. The noise of the children wouldn't bother me as long as it wasn't unnecessary screaming or shouting but I am strict about the ball.

Banging a ball against a fence is a really irritating noise. I know this because I have neighbours with a small garden whose chiidren do this repeatedly. The fence panels move with the force and some of the slats are actually damaged (I replaced it last year as the previous one collapsed due to being repeatedly hit with a ball).

I can therefore understand why your husband would be irritated, I would too. Footballs and small gardens don't mix. Get them a basketball and a hoop instead.

Our neighbours' children are constantly kicking balls into our garden and kicking them at the fence. Happens every day. Gets right on my nerves. So I sympathise with your husband but even I think he's being too strict.

Banging on the fence I wouldn't find acceptable, poorly on the basis it would annoy the neighbours.
As for the windows, I would be scared they would break.
But shouting isn't the way forward

You are both being unreasonable.

We have twin boys age 7, side on to our garden and they play, make noise, kick ball against fence etc etc and it does not bother me one tiny weeny bit, in fact I think I love to hear children out having fun rather than parked in front of bloody tech. We live in such a child unfriendly country, to be seen and not heard is the preference for most people. Childhood in this country is in such a toxic, perilous state that I say do what you need to to protect their rights to be children and PLAY. There will be enough rules and regulations to follow with each passing year why impose any more, with all the parks shut as well?!! I would be telling my husband to get a grip or even better, join in with them.

Tbh if there was a ball constantly banging off my fence I'd be highly irritated...

We have bought a net from Argos complete with rebound net that you put across it. It’s fantastic that can rebound the ball but no smashing sound at all. It also comes with a net that has target holes in it. It is the best thing we have ever bought outdoor toy wise

This pic shows the rebound net

This photo the target net. And you can have it as a normal goal. It’s been brill

How long does the kids "shouting" and "fence banging" go on for?

If it is over an hour every day especially at weekends or evenings when other people are in then their gardens then yes, that's very fucking annoying.

I had a year of balls being banged on my fence and over it (also did damage to the fence) and their kids SCREAMING at the top of the lungs I lost a whole summer as it was just constant sodding noise from sun up to sun down. So glad they buggered off.

You find yourself waiting for the next sodding ball bang or scream and shout and wind yourself up so you get more stressed and then give up and go back indoors because it seems like the parents of said kids don't give an arse about keeping their kids in check or care about anyone else being able to enjoy their outside space.

Take away the bloody ball. Your garden sounds too small for a ruddy football.

Get them a swingball, much more fun!!

Seriously!! I bloody LOVED swingball as a kid! You could REALLY whack the bugger and we spent hours trying to dodge that tennis ball on a spring at high speed!

Also..... A badminton set! OMG! So much fun!! NO damage (apart from the odd shuttlecock being banged over a fence) and no noise apart from laughter and fun noises from the kids. (plus you can do the "how many time can I keep it up in the air" games which I remember going on for hours as a kid)

And I love to hear kids having fun in their gardens, its so lovely hearing them giggle and be silly. Just when they get too loud or too wound up then tell them firmly to cut it out. That's your job as a parent.

Your husband is most probably wound up because he knows how loud and annoying your kids are being. Most neighbours are normally very polite until it gets to the point their can't handle the noise and balls any more.

Please don't let it get to the point your neighbours feel they have to say something.

Banging against fence and window are possibly the most irritating things a neighbour can hear. Your husband is right.

I found the constant kicking of a ball on our metal gate the most annoying thing... also on window...to this day when I hear a ball bounce it puts me on edge for some reason.

I wouldn’t like to hear the football bashing against a fence, horrible sound. I have a footie mad ds.
I’d hate to hear a shouty aggressive dad more tbh.

YABVU. It’s pretty inconsiderate of you to allow kids of their age to be shouting loudly (by your own admission) in your garden when there’s neighbours who have to endure it. Mine get three strikes and they’re in if they’re being too noisy as I don’t think it’s fair on my neighbours.

Your poor neighbours. YABVVVVU.

Teach your kids not to shout, it isn't hard. The boing of the trampoline is bad enough without the shouts.

Kicking a ball onto a fence is very annoying.

Your DH is right.

Your husband is right. I can't believe you're letting your kids kick a ball at a window

YABU, kids don’t need to be banging balls off fences and windows and screaming to have fun. Take the ball off them if they can’t control it and give them something else to play with, constant shouting is incredibly annoying, not just for your husband, but for your neighbours. Our next door neighbours have young children who play in the garden most days and they manage to do so without frequently shouting and banging balls, so it’s definitely possible.

I can see where your dh is coming from tbh. It is very irritating.

I live next door to a family with three avid ball kickers and screaming chaser kids - I have two who are the same and we've decided between ourselves that twenty minutes at a time is the max they're allowed.
The twenty minutes start when a game starts and if the other houses kids don't start playing at the same time they get less. So we have twenty minutes of infernal unbearable goddammit racket, with at least a two hour break, this is to avoid the neighbours getting pissed off....we thought.

It turns out the neighbours don't mind the banging and screaming, but they hate the sound of the adults yelling, so it's more to stop me and next doors dad going batshit frequently and annoying the neighbours.

I sympathise with both of you. Neither of you are wrong.

I have neighbours who make lots of noise and bang a ball against my fence. I have no issue what so ever with the noise but the ball banging is so irritating and they are damaging the fence.

I suppose if the fence were theirs to pay to replace it wouldn't bother me but when it does break it'll be me who pays

Your dh IBVU
Your boys need to get out and need to let off steam.

Better yet, gag them and keep them indoors. After all what's more important? Kids being allowed to play like kids or your neighbours oversensitivity to a bit of noise.

We're telling kids they have to stay indoors, not for their sake but for the sake of the adults and yet clearly everyone here thinks that there should be no quid pro quo whatsoever. No tolerance for even something totally minor, like a bit of extra noise.

You'd have thought a site called mumsnet might be a bit more child-friendly than the rest of our child-hating society, but clearly not given the reaction here to a ball occasionally hitting a fence and small children shouting.

I have boys who play football. And the neighbours kids do too. I keep my kids in check, as does my neighbour. Kids getting louder and louder while talking over other and getting over excited is annoying. Same with the ball, if it’s repeatedly getting kicked off the fence they need to calm down unless you have a field for a garden.

@Notthemessiah Oh get a grip.

No one is saying gag the OPs kids but if they are shouting and screaming and banging balls against other peoples fences then yes, it's bloody annoying for everyone else, including it seems the OP's husband.

Kids can let off steam in their garden without being loud and annoying all the time.