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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get pee'd off when DP takes ^my^ money??

46 replies

kitsandbits · 14/09/2007 09:29

I had £8 on the side and it wasn't there this morning - I asked DP and he said he had took it to use at work!

Now i wouldnt mind if he asked but to just take it?? Id never take his money without asking!!

And before you all think 'aww but he only wants to buy a drink at work' consider the fact IVE been scrimping, saving and begging for money for the last 12 months for the wedding ...he finally brings a bit of extra money in and whyyy is he skint now and needs to steal my £8 ...

because he just bought a £400 PS3

So AIBU??

I felt awful after he left and shouted him to give it him back - but I dont know if I was right or not1

OP posts:

ScottishMummy · 14/09/2007 10:38

i think this is digressing from the OP, in all fairness how can anyone here speculate about kitsandbits relationship/impending marriage/what pram she chooses - unnecessary and snidey imo

doublethelovedoublethekisses · 14/09/2007 10:40

Hi, I am only a nuby however it may be worth considering this...My dp is exactly the same for buying silly boys toys and gadgets(recently was an x box/ hd dvd player) but with one big difference. Every time he wants to buy something new he finds something old to sell beforehand... any way your dp can do the same?? Long shot but you never know!

fireflyfairy2 · 14/09/2007 10:52

SM, I hope that snidey comment wasn't directed at me.. if you read my comments again you will see I am on kitsandbits side here!

Easywriter · 14/09/2007 11:10

Haven't read thread (sorry!) but no you're not.

My DP used to do this to me until I pointed out that when I'm standing in say, a cafe queue with two small irritable, hungry children, in the middle of a park, aeons from a cashpoint, where they don't take cards and I discover I have 0pence to my name, I clearly feel that death is too kind for him.

He needs to tell you if he's emptying your purse then at least you're aware you need to get some cash. It just called being polite surely!

Original poster

kitsandbits · 14/09/2007 15:05

This thread has made me cry. lol.

Makes me wonder if the wedding is important to him, like it is to me.

Ive been doing my best here but he hasn't - in all fairness he is on a low wage - so upto now i havent asked for anything towards the wedding except what he can spare (he pays ALL the bills, rent, council tax, gas & electricity & store cards) and has little left over (he needs £40 a month for buses and food at work)

But Im sad because he got this lump sum of money and i just expected it to be for the wedding.

And really - we are only both 22 and we had to grow up so fast - evry penny is spent on the kids - we dont go out, drink, smoke ect -- and i feel awful asking him to sell the PS3 when its the first big thing hes bought for 'him' in years.

Just bad timing

I love him sooo much and I know he loves me just as much -- i just wish he would take the PS3 back and get one after the wedding

OP posts:

ScottishMummy · 14/09/2007 15:08

hope everything works out for you i really do

what resale would the PS3 acheive?can it be sold and purchased later?

anyhow best wishes

hanaflower · 14/09/2007 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dropdeadfred · 14/09/2007 15:16

Look, noone is suggesting he doesn't love you or that he's not a god person - but this was selfish and not prioritising properly!

If all his mates love it so much can they not buy it off him?

fireflyfairy2 · 14/09/2007 15:21

Oh, don't cry kits!

Seriously, nobody (Well, I wasn't) is suggesting that your dp doesn't love you.... my god, he has children with you, you live together.. how much more commitment do you need as proof

He just got his priorities in the wrong order & upset you, as you had been expecting cash for the wedding. I do have to say I know how your mum & FIL will feel if they see they have given you money for the wedding & he spent money on a ps3. When my sister was younger, she was a single parent & I was working at the time. I was made redundant (the firm closed down) & I got a redundancy payout. I saw my sister struggling & I left her an envelope with money in it by the front door, with a scribbled note "Pay the bills & have a take away!" I had left a large amount of money (at the time) (£150).

You can imagine my shock & annoyance (even though I had no right to be!) When she visited later with a bloody puppy she had bought with the cash I had given her!!

Original poster

kitsandbits · 14/09/2007 15:40

I dont think we will have these problems after the wedding because all the problems up to now (only really started argueing once we decided to get married! lol) all the problems are money related - and all the arguments are money related.

All the pressure has been about the wedding and money for it.

So i know that those particular problems will go after the wedding as finaces will be back to normal!!

Im not against a PS3 - just one at this moment in time!

OP posts:

mytwopenceworth · 14/09/2007 15:40

It's only my opinion but....

I think that a 'your money my money' attitude is not the best start to a marriage. I have always felt that when you are a family, all money is family money, into a pot out of a pot, with joint decisions before major purchases, consideration in spending, but not a 'you owe me 50p for your half of the bread' attitude.

It's only my opinion, though.

And him having his mates round every night to play computer games....that's more teenage son than husband and father, imo.

I'd be having a serious chat about life moving on to another stage, if I was faced with this, you poor sod.

Original poster

kitsandbits · 14/09/2007 15:41

That sounded like we dont have arguments about other things - we do but normal healthy arguments are to be expected i think.

OP posts:

Original poster

kitsandbits · 14/09/2007 15:44

Well i is a bit like that because he pays the bills, i buy the clothes and food ect.

that way he gets his wages to do so and i get WFT to do the food shopping. And his wage is all taken up by what he pays - I always have money spare - so thats why its been me saving up. I couldnt ask him fore money he hasn't got.

If it all went in a joint bank account it would be too confusing. It does normally work the way it is.

Its this LUMPsum of money thats caused the uppset - not normal everyday finances.

OP posts:

mytwopenceworth · 14/09/2007 15:49

It sounds like you'e both getting frazzled.

Remember that it's not a wedding, it's a marriage.

Deep breaths.

It will all be ok, you don't need to kill yourselves for this.

Just remember WHY you want to be married and be loving to each other.

God, that sounded bleugh.

Vomiting yet?

Original poster

kitsandbits · 14/09/2007 16:29

PMSL - thats what Im trying to do

Im cooking him a nice meal tonight and will try and relax & watch a film - im having my 4 month old nephew for the night though so may not get that much 'us' time! lol

OP posts:

madamez · 14/09/2007 16:36

You do need to have a general talk about cash with hi. ANd it could be that he's not as enthusiastic about a big wedding ceremony as you are so maybe the pair of you need to talk that through. Please don't think I'm saying he doesn;t want to marry you, there is a difference between being married and having an expensive wedding.
And I'm not in the camp that reckons its foolish and wrong to spend money on a wedding ceremony if you want to and can afford to, just saying that if it's causing you awful money worries then there are ways of having a good wedding day without spending a fortune.

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 14/09/2007 16:43

kits, jsut want to offer a friendly word. i know it feels horrible but it could be worse.

on Tuesday i found out that dh owes £11,500!

chin up love. have a chat and exlain the poitns about what others who have lent money will think etc.

boys are big kids and need guidance!

good luck!

Quootiepie · 14/09/2007 16:45

My first thought was you are being unreasonable, just because DH and I leave money lying around all the time and whoever takes it, takes it... but the fact it was your money and your situation I am angry for you! Tell him to give it back, and maybe 'borrow' the PS3 for a few days and take it 'round a friends! Or lie and say you sold the PS3 for £8 and let him stew.

ScottishMummy · 14/09/2007 16:45

ooo blimey SleeplessInTheStaceym11House

hope things work out

Original poster

kitsandbits · 14/09/2007 18:43

Oh dear SleeplessInTheStaceym11House !

how awful sorry to hear that!

OP posts:

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 14/09/2007 19:31

yeah just a bit! but ho hum life moves on! you jsut have to work it out together!

ohpe you go ok talking to your dp!

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