Actually the worst thing about Lockdown is NEVER BEING ON YOUR OWN

[YippeeKayakOtherBuckets]

I’ve just had a mini meltdown at DH. I’m furloughed but he is still working full time from home. Three kids, two dogs, cat. Chaos at the best of times. Oh, also the boys had CV symptoms right at the start of all this and DHs work did a WFH edict early so we’ve been in this for 5 weeks nearly.

He’s working in the dining room which is off the open plan kitchen so I have to juggle ‘homeschooling’ the 8yo, dealing with the animals in and out the back door, making lunch for everyone, fielding squabbles, keeping everyone quiet while he’s holding meetings every other hour.

He finishes mid afternoon and then wants to DO THINGS so while I’m quite happy to sit in the garden he wants me to get involved with board games and jigsaws.

Tonight tipped me over, he runs a martial arts class on a Wednesday which is now happening over zoom so I have to keep everyone upstairs because any noise from kids and dogs downstairs ruins the ‘chi’ (wanker) of the session. I took a bottle of wine upstairs with me thinking I could settle in and watch crap telly for a bit. He started at 7ish.

The 8yo is as hyper as shit so was in and out of my room talking at me and literally jumping on the bed/me/dogs. The 16yo keeps sending me links to things she wants me to buy for her. The 17yo is on his headset SHOUTING at his friends rather than speaking at normal volume.

Dh finished his class about 9.30 and popped his head in to say he’s done and he’s going to watch the Mandalorian downstairs.

Fuck off you’re not, I said. You get to put 8yo to bed, and be a bit firm because he’s bored and being a dick and will be trouble. Oh, he said, can’t you do it? I’ve had a busy day.



I may or may not have been a bit sweary. The upshot is they’ve all now fucked off to separate rooms from me, nobody is asking for anything from me and I’ve finally poured a glass of wine and fired up Quiz to watch.

I really miss the days when they’d all leave the house.

AIBU I want to be isolated ALONE for half a fucking hour.

[HesterBlue]

Hi OP, I feel your pain. You must get your DH to move his office to a bedroom. It's not fair on any of you to have to be quiet and not have the downstairs to use all day, especially your youngest. You all need to be able to relax in your own home not tiptoe around. The rearranging shouldn't take long espec if you get your older ones to help you.

His evening class can be streamed from the garden when dry or a bedroom when wet. My next door neighbour is currently streaming daily aerobics classes from her garden and that must be louder than tai chi! Again it's not fair that all the rest of you can't use the whole of the downstairs in the evenings. Very selfish of him all round.

Can you get the older ones to help out with the younger one? Babysit while you get some exercise or a bath or some reading time? Or even enlist them to do some home ed for you sometimes in whatever subject they enjoy most? BBC bitesize are massively expanding their home ed range after Easter so your older ones could act as 'tutor guides' a couple of times a week using that material if that's their style? Or just freestyle it if either of them have an interest in something they can share? Cooking, art, bike maintenance, craft, PE ?(Joe Wicks and just dance have free sessions on youtube) Get DH to do a home ed 'learning thro play' session once or twice a week once he's finished work in the afternoons. Lego, meccano, kitchen science.

If all else fails you've developed a headache and need to stay in bed for the day. I had one on bank holiday Monday. It was lovely, I recommend it!

[BreathlessCommotion]

@RiftGibbon it's not a competition though? I'm aware that there are quite often many people in the world worse off than me, but my feelings are also valid.

That kind of dismissiveness is not helpful to anyone's mental health. Lots of people are finding this hard for all sorts of reasons. There isn't a prize for most deserving misery.

[CroissantsAtDawn]

Totally understand OP.

DH is set up in DS1's bedroom. Bit annoying as I can't send DS1 to his room for time out when they're squabbling but I've found a different time out . I would go bananas if he was in the living room. Having said that, on every confcall I do we can hear children or pets. Everyone just gets on with it.

I also miss alone time. Mostly swimming which was wonderful. 2 x 1 hour a week to myself, doing a sport I love. Instead Im juggling work, school work (6hrs per day to supervise between 2 boys), shopping, cooking, washing, cleaning etc. DH helps a bit but is also trying to save his business which employs 1000s of people so he's kinda snowed under with work!

[DailyFailstinks]

I’m in lockdown by myself - worst thing is being on my own ALL the time. The grass is always greener...

[Fluffybutter]

I’m usually the only one who works from home but now there are 3 of us and a 9 year old .
My god how I miss some alone time and peace and quiet 😭

[HoffiCoffi13]

RiftGibbon my grandmother also lives alone (having only lost her DH a couple of months ago) and is in pieces at not being able to see anyone. My mum is 60 and a front line worker but also lives alone, so she is at risk all day then alone all evening and weekends. She has also had to go through the birthday of her son (my brother) who died young while alone. She is in pieces.
Both can find it in themselves to have empathy for other while in that situation though. Both say that it must be hard for me having to home school two primary aged children while caring for a whirlwind, non sleeping toddler and simultaneously trying to keep them quiet while DH works ridiculous hours from home.
Empathy isn’t rationed.

[RiftGibbon]

@BreathlessCommotion sorry if it read that way. No, it's certainly not a competition. Almost everyone I know is struggling. Lack of space and quiet is testing everyone's patience and abilities, and whilst we are all cooped up together, the smallest inconveniences become magnified.

[comingintomyown]

I feel for you ! I am now furloughed living with my wfh 23yo DS and it’s perfect as he’s in his room all day working and in good spirits chatting to his gf the rest of the time. I have the best of both worlds not alone but not encroached on

[malificent7]

Yes...im introverted..dp extroverted.
Whilst watching tv last night i got a running commentary from him on what was happening.Pass me the shovel!

[malificent7]

He's lovely btw but very chatty!

[FrenchyQ]

I was only furloughed on Tuesday, the time at work was the only thing keeping me sane as as soon as I get home Dd21 wants my attention and she's just there with me all the time... Even going to the supermarket she wants to come and sit in the car, if I say no she takes offence.

[Hueandcry]

For me, OP, the worst thing about lockdown is being totally alone. My DC are both away, one at Uni & one on holiday. Neither can get home. I was furloughed 3 weeks ago. Everyone's struggle is different

[BigFloppyBunny]

You have my sympathy
We have dogs,cats, but only a 21 year old and DH here.
They are both furloughed and doing my head in. It's fine when 21 year old walks the dog, the rest of the day he is on xbox or watching TV
DH watches TV like it's just been invented and will only help me out if I ask him.
They both normally have quite stressful jobs so i get that they are enjoying the relaxation at the moment
I'm a nurse so still working, and I'm so glad to go to work for some "normality" and to see colleagues.
I'm currently soaking in the bath after a night shift then I'm off to bed and they can do what they like

[Mia1415]

And this is exactly why I am so happy to be single. My DS is driving me slightly crazy but I get my evenings alone and in peace.

I couldn't stand being stuck at home with another adult! I'm more than happy with my own company.

[Augurey]

I agree I might have to start waking up a few hours earlier while they are sleeping to get any peace. I have started going out for my exercise as way of escape and making it as long as possible.

[DubiousGoals]

Send some of that my way please lovely vipers, DSS has drunk all of mine! He was staying with us temporarily (following relationship breakdown) when lockdown started so he's been here a month now, which means I'm having to WFH in the living/dining room. I'd planned to use DSD's room as an office (she's shielding at her mum's) but now DSS is using her room.

DH is still working, but at random times, and is getting frustrated he can't really use the living room when he's home, we're both missing DSD who's normally here 2-3 days a week, and the thought of another few weeks like this makes me want to scream!!

I never thought I'd miss my poky little office with no natural light, but at least it's all mine!

[Redyellowpink]

I live alone and was feeling a bit sorry myself early, this post has snapped me right out of that!

[MissBax]

PREACH!

I am an introvert and finding the constant company exhausting. I love my family and DD obviously, but this isn't what we signed up for is it! I would kill for an hour on my own with a book in the garden.

[DubiousGoals]

I find a spot of piano practice instantly sends the rest of the family to the far corners of the house / garden

I've been considering a bit of saxophone practise (haven't played since school 25+ years ago) ...

[Chienloup]

Ugh, I feel you. There's me and DH both working from home and then an autistic 10 year old, a drama queen 9 year old, and autistic 5 year old. 5 year old never stops talking, 9 year old never stops singing and dancing, 10 year old (thank God) tends to keep himself to himself. The noise, movement, and constant demands are killing me. I'm going to need to take time off when they go back to school, just to reset myself.

[didyoueverdancewiththedevil]

I started a thread about this a couple of weeks ago. I am very introverted and unfortunately my husband is not. I am at work all day (9-5) and he is WFH.

So by the time I get home all he wants to do is fucking yap his head off. He had started going for a bike ride to coincide with me getting in from work, to let me have an hour on my own but this has petered out.

He feels it's unfair that I am expecting him to give me alone time. I feel it's not long until I slip something into his drink to knock him out for a couple of hours so I can have some peace.

He has now taken to going out running about fifteen minutes before my alarm goes off and returning about fifteen minutes after I wake up and this apparently counts as me getting "alone time".

I don't understand why the introvert is always viewed as "wrong" in this scenario either. Why should the extrovert's need to chatter and make noise all day long override the introvert's need for quiet time? I get people saying "oh your poor DH, he has been on his own all day and he just wants to see and talk to you".

Well, so what? I have spent all day talking to clients and my colleagues. This is not what I want to do either but I have to suck it up because it's my job. When I get home I want an hour of not talking and not listening to someone else making a noise. Why are my needs so unimportant?

[didyoueverdancewiththedevil]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3861735-Introverts-and-Coronavirus?pg=7

[IPityThePontipines]

YANBU. I'm starting to realise how much alone time I managed to engineer for myself in normal life. I miss being in a quiet house.

[YippeeKayakOtherBuckets]

Well I have to say today has been a massive improvement already.

I’m alone in the living room watching Breaking Bad and apart from the occasional interruption they have mostly left me to it.

I should have had a full on strop sooner

It probably won’t last but tbh a day of recharging should see me through the next week or so.

It’s not all bad.

[Rosebel]

Today (yesterday) I decided to go to my bedroom for an hours peace. When my husband goes upstairs (to play on his Xbox, not working) e everyone leaves him alone. In my hour my children came in 8 times to talk, inform me they were having a shower and to check I was okay. Finally after I almost snarled at them my husband came in to ask what was for tea.
Long walk by myself tomorrow (well later today) I think.