Actually the worst thing about Lockdown is NEVER BEING ON YOUR OWN

[YippeeKayakOtherBuckets]

I’ve just had a mini meltdown at DH. I’m furloughed but he is still working full time from home. Three kids, two dogs, cat. Chaos at the best of times. Oh, also the boys had CV symptoms right at the start of all this and DHs work did a WFH edict early so we’ve been in this for 5 weeks nearly.

He’s working in the dining room which is off the open plan kitchen so I have to juggle ‘homeschooling’ the 8yo, dealing with the animals in and out the back door, making lunch for everyone, fielding squabbles, keeping everyone quiet while he’s holding meetings every other hour.

He finishes mid afternoon and then wants to DO THINGS so while I’m quite happy to sit in the garden he wants me to get involved with board games and jigsaws.

Tonight tipped me over, he runs a martial arts class on a Wednesday which is now happening over zoom so I have to keep everyone upstairs because any noise from kids and dogs downstairs ruins the ‘chi’ (wanker) of the session. I took a bottle of wine upstairs with me thinking I could settle in and watch crap telly for a bit. He started at 7ish.

The 8yo is as hyper as shit so was in and out of my room talking at me and literally jumping on the bed/me/dogs. The 16yo keeps sending me links to things she wants me to buy for her. The 17yo is on his headset SHOUTING at his friends rather than speaking at normal volume.

Dh finished his class about 9.30 and popped his head in to say he’s done and he’s going to watch the Mandalorian downstairs.

Fuck off you’re not, I said. You get to put 8yo to bed, and be a bit firm because he’s bored and being a dick and will be trouble. Oh, he said, can’t you do it? I’ve had a busy day.



I may or may not have been a bit sweary. The upshot is they’ve all now fucked off to separate rooms from me, nobody is asking for anything from me and I’ve finally poured a glass of wine and fired up Quiz to watch.

I really miss the days when they’d all leave the house.

AIBU I want to be isolated ALONE for half a fucking hour.

[ButteredGhost]

I'm not in this situation as both DH and I are nurses who can't wfh. At first I was really scared and angry, thinking "why do we have to risk ourselves, I wish we did different jobs, life is so unfair". Now I'm secretly glad! Things aren't that bad at work and I'd be bonkers if we were both at home 24/7.

[PenisBeakerDipper]

YADNBU

My husband is actually very lovely and helpful, my 12 year old also is helpful and quiet, and I have a fairly easy newborn baby but oh my god our house is too small and I just want some time alone. Baby on me all the time - fine, no way around that but DH stalks me in the evenings (he usually commutes long hours so is away until 8 or in a hotel) for conversation or cuddles and DD sits right next to me on the sofa and I want to ask her to move but that’s too mean!

These are troubled times for introverts.

[InMySpareTime]

DCs are teenagers, even if schools go back before Sept they're here for 6 months as exams cancelled.
They each have their own rooms to escape to, but DH is WFH in our room.
I'm used to having the house to myself from 7.30am-4pm, now I'm lucky to have the living room to myself from 5am-6.30am.
After that I might be alone, but someone could intrude on my solitude at any moment, so I can't properly enjoy it.
I like to listen to podcasts and radio dramas, but DCs are wont to walk in mid-programme, switch the Xbox on, and start loudly murdering characters. Then they get annoyed that I go off in a huff to the garden to listen to the final 5 minutes of my podcast in peace.
I miss silence. When this is over, I will send them all out somewhere for a whole day, and just sit alone in blissful silence.

[dontdisturbmenow]

I can totally understand if the 3 kids were under 10, but you only have one that is justified to have to entertain. the 16 and 17yo should be looking after themselves and don't rely on you to keep them busy. They should be doing their own cooking, washing etc...

If you are treating them as if they are 10yo, then you need to do something about it.

[TheOrigBrave]

I stomped off by myself at dusk for a 30 min walk ALL BY MYSELF. Ds wanted to do something together - fair enough, I'd been working all day as well as getting shopping for vulnerable family member (which took AGES). But I put myself first then and was back for his bed time.

It's ok to need time alone and to enable it to happen.

[BillywigSting]

Yanbu at all.

Dp is 9-5 but a key worker, and I worked part time as an agency hca. As my job is agency not permanent, I don't have to pick up any shifts if I don't want to. We are lucky enough to need my wage desperately so I haven't been to work for weeks and probably won't now until lockdown is over.

I am used to having six hours a day alone 2-3 days a week. I now have not been alone since the schools closed and I am not coping with it well. I am naturally very introverted too so I loved having so much time alone.

Ds is six, and is literally never still or quiet (I'm seriously wondering if he has some form of adhd because even when he's engrossed in his kindle he is still fidgeting). Trying to teach him is a nightmare because he never seems to be listening, he falls off his chair while he is 'working' because he is fucking around so much and it's seriously pushing my buttons. I don't want to raise my voice but my temper is starting to become very short.

He has been getting turfed into the garden and told he's not allowed in for an hour unless it rains or he has hurt himself.

I have also been hiding in the shower in the morning and the kitchen at dinner time with the door firmly shut while I cook.

[lauryloo]

I hear ya. I'm 3 weeks time we'll have a new baby too and I feel like I'm losing my marbles.

I just want to be alone.

On a plus side I've got my antenatal appointment today that's 45 mins away, so that's going to be amazing. Likely the last time I get alone before he arrives though

[midnightstar66]

My dc have gone to their dads and I'm hating the quiet, probably wasn't saying that a couple of days ago when they were driving me up the wall though. And I'm very glad there is no DP that would definitely drive me insane - buy wine and earplugs!

[InMySpareTime]

Actually the last straw for me was yesterday morning when I got up at 5am to enjoy my time alone, then when I got downstairs I found the DCs hadn't gone to bed yet, were really wired, and wanted to chat.
I may have growled a bit, they certainly went away fairly quickly and left me in peace with my pot of tea.

[queenqueenqueen]

😅😅😅 literally could have written this!
My dh keeps coming in and saying "I've got an important call in a bit" whilst working smack bang in middle of house ... Well cant you go and bloody find somewhere quiet then?! Haha

[YippeeKayakOtherBuckets]

Well there’s comfort in knowing I’m not alone in this.

Dh got up and brought me coffee first thing (he does every morning because despite being annoying he is actually an angel). I rolled over in bed thinking ‘aaaaah, I’m alone’ and in pottered ds2 who silently climbed into DHs vacated space and snuggled in.

Torture.

[Weebitawks]

I went for a really long walk by myself before I absolutely lost the plot. When he fires up the board games, say you're heading out. Be firm so no one says they're tagging along. You actually don't have to live lock down by his rules.

Even if you don't go for a walk, just tell him to enjoy his board games and fuck off upstairs with wine.

[Weebitawks]

@Thescrewinthetuna I know exactly how you feel. I had to tell DH to leave our bedroom the other day. The kids were occupied so I snuck off upstairs. 10 mins later he's sitting down next to me. The main problem is that if we're both upstairs, a child will be there within 39 seconds with one of their many demands.

[TheOrigBrave]

Not really on this topic, but I remember a time when me and my older sis both had really young children and at family gatherings we'd flop down with a glass of wine in the evening having settled the children and THEN our younger sis would be all "Oooo let's play Monopoly".

To be fair to her she still did this when her own kids came along! Some people are just deviants

[CSIblonde]

That sounds so stressful. I'd be making a new rule, one hour quiet time for everyone but DH, same time every day. Timed for whens best for you. And can you go out with the dogs alone for your 1hour exercise walk & leave teens to supervise 8yr old. Teens should be doing own lunch, so should DH.

[DressesWithPocketsRockMyWorld]

I get it! On a morning I drop the 10 year old off at child care, the 13 year old near his school and the 15 year old at hers and then drive to my work which is 20 mins away if the traffic is bad. Best bit of my day. Listen to songs and sing and chill with nobody saying MUUUUUUUMMMMMM at me. Really missing it.

[boomchikawowwow]

I totally feel your pain. OH is WFH, DC are noisy. I like my bit of peace to watch some shit tv or just to have some quiet and I can't get any. I've had a few meltdowns where I've needed the kids to go to bed early or I've just taken myself off to bed to get away from them all

[FudgeBrownie2019]

I'm WFH, DH is WFH, the 14 and 9 year olds are perpetually saying "I'm hungry, what can I eat", the dogs are thrilled to have company all day but want attention, the cats are sick of us all but enjoy sitting on the laptop to wash their arses 14 times a day, DH is forever popping his head around my office door and asking inane questions that make me want to kick him in the arse.

So on Tuesday this week I took a meeting on Teams in my car; I sat in the front for almost 90 minutes with my laptop balanced on the dashboard. My boss, who is in Europe, clearly clocked what I was doing and at the end sent me an email saying she'd been so fed up of her DC and DH during lockdown she'd built a fort in one of their outhouses so that she could work in silence for a few hours each day and refused to tell her DC which outhouse it was to prevent them bothering her. Genius.

[Isadora2007]

When your husband finishes his work and wants to play a game he really needs to give you that time to be alone. Take it!!!

[paradisefalls]

I'm so glad I'm a key worker right now it's keeping my sanity in check!

[BreathlessCommotion]

@BillywigSting fidgeting and falling off chair are also signs of dyspraxia and other similar conditions. Try letting him have something to fiddle with- blu tak, play doh, while you talk. You'd be surprised that he might actually listen more.

[lottieloop]

Sorry OP not helpful ..... I've been spending all day alone for the last 4 weeks & it's bliss ( whilst partner works - cannot be done from home ) Currently cherishing this time when all I can hear is the birds singing.

We will be trying to start a family later in the year or so & I'm guessing i will miss these quiet days

Hope you get some peace & quiet! That all sounds a bit hectic!

[Yelllow]

Omg I miss my alone time SO much!!!! 😭

[BlindAssassin1]

I tragically and utterly identify with everything you say, especially the wanking arm waving need complete silence from the rest of the house in case it interferes with the chi flow.

But when I'm working out, its ok to pat me on the arse, and ask me to email the accountant, and chat to me about tax and how I simply must see this funny video of a cat being frightened of a cucumber. There followed some shouting.

[RiftGibbon]

For my friends who live alone, the worst thing about lockdown is not being able to spend time with friends and family.
My friends mother is terminally ill, her father is high risk. She herself has been unwell. She has pets and cannot move to the family home with them. She is in pieces.