To expect DH not to play computer games whilst I'm working

[bowbowceo]

Just to give you some background.

DH is self employed and aside from his line of work all but shutting down due to COVID, he's also classed as vulnerable due to pre existing health issues so has been advised by consultant not to work. I am fully supportive of this and want him to be healthy, whatever the financial hit will be.

On the other hand I am employed at a senior level and am able to work from home and have been doing so on a full time basis since lockdown came into play.

DH in the morning will make me my morning cuppa, walk the dogs, tidy the house and then mooch around a bit. No problem with this whatsoever and I believe he's making the best of a difficult situation. However he has in the last few days started gaming online with some of his friends which impacts on the WiFi I'm using for work. Often it causes me to be cut off mid way during Skype calls and today it was the final straw when I was cut off from a call with my manager and team 3 times within an hour. I explained to DH that this was happening and asked him to come offline and he protested that it wasn't his gaming impacting on my WiFi (even though his game was working fine!) and kept making excuses not to come off the game. Eventually I put my foot down and demanded he stopped playing because my work is important and I needed to finish the call I was on. He stropped making a comment about having to go and stare at a wall instead!

I get this is a very first world problem but I saw a real childish side to him today and it's making me really question a lot about him and the value he places on my job. He is a very hard worker and I know is finding this adjustment tough.

For context I work at a senior level in the public sector and not something he has an awful lot to do with in the work that he does.

Rant over! Am I alone in this type of situation?

There are six of us currently using the internet in our house and there is no noticeable slowdown. I think you need to upgrade your wifi package.

I've had this with my son and I just tell him to stop. You need to do the same.

Earning money comes before pleasure. He can use the wifi in the evening. If he strops, tell him to grow up. He's not a teenage boy.

I had to throw my DS's off their games the other day as I couldn't connect to anything for work. It's not usually like that though, could you get a booster or something?

I also suggest an upgrade.

You need better WiFi.

I've got a decent wifi package but it doesn't just depend on your own package, it also depends on who else is using it in the area. If I, my DH and ds are all on video calls for work/college at the same time, there is a fair chance one of us will have to drop to audio only. Especially in the afternoon, mornings are not as bad.

I did think of installing another line when this first started but Openreach unhelpfully said they wouldn't install any new ones so that was the end of that idea.

We have fibre broadband with virgin which I had assumed was good as it had been sold to us as such, I wonder if it makes a difference that I know nearly all of the neighbours on our street are now homeworkers and we are all sitting here doing the same stuff?

I don't remember this ever happening on the odd days I used to work from home before lockdown....

@cologne I certainly found the afternoon was when it got bad.

He's quite entitled to do some gaming imo, esp after he's done the chores. It's not all about you. it sounds as though your wifi is crap.

YANBU. We have this. We can’t upgrade as there is no fibre here. Top speed 0.8MB from any provider. We are finding this. We are spending on 4G as we both have to work and it’s faster.

We can have DH using WiFi on his laptop plus using WiFi to watch something on the tv, DS1 and DD using WiFi on laptops, while probably also using wifi on thier phones/tablets to stream something, DS2 using WiFi on his table to stream, and me and DS2 using Ethernet,
Can you upgrade your broadband at all??

Maybe it’s because you’re too far away from your router? Why can’t he play computer games - is it just him and you using the WiFi? Any children?

Upgrade.
We’ve previously moaned about our WiFi but it is coping very well. I’m on work video calls much of the day, and 3 teens will invariably be on devices streaming Netflix or music, gaming with mates on consoles and generally using phones on WiFi.

We had this problem.
I asked my DP to stop farting about on the oculus he did it immediatel, made me a tea and said "sorry " post call.

Your Wi-Fi might be shit, but so is you DP

If you have Virgin fibre, you have more than enough capacity to stream a game and a video call. YABU.

We have me on calls, and 3 kids doing various things

You should have no probs

Are you working a long way from the router
Do a speed check
Work on it with him, do a day without and see if it drops etc

You should be able to both use it and no point in turning into a thing rather than teaming up so you are both happy

He could do the speed checks and googling etc as he's not working and he's the one with more to gain because yes obviously work takes priority

Shit

Should have said DH and 2 kids!
Well he's playing eve so whatever

If you have virgin WiFi then it's not his gaming affecting your calls so yabu

Shouldn't be happening with fibre. Have you checked it isn't your laptop? Are you using a VPN to connect to work stuff? Do you have poor signal? If his stuff is working fine, then it could well be something on your hand. Try plugging your laptop with an internet cable if you can.

@Batshittery if she can't work at the same time then they have to prioritise! Working is more important than PlayStation, obviously

I'd check you're near enough the router etc., but I think it is reasonable to ask him to stop and see if it makes a difference (and be honest!).

If it genuinely does make a difference, your work takes priority. Obviously.

This situation is rough on everyone, though. God knows I've said about 90 childish things to DP in the last week.

If it's out of character, I would put it down to the situation rather than anything else.

Whether the op has poor broadband is irrelevant. Someone doing something essential like work obviously takes priority over a sodding game.

If his gaming is the problem (and without diagnostics its hard to say either way) then I'm really surprised your broadband cant cope with it. Does not sound like a lot of bandwidth use.

The priority here for wifi is me and DP who are working then the 2 DS who are playing games. However, since we upgraded to a super duper package we've had no issues. If you want to quickly try and overcome the problems on a call (because he won't stop) then just kill video to reduce your bandwidth and tether to your mobile phone's hotspot.

I'm in a similar situation - he's furloughed and I'm working from home until I am too. Most of my work isn't impacted but if I'm trying to have a video chat meeting and he's playing a game online the quality goes to mush. Often the culprit is automatic updates being downloaded in the background at the same time and eating up the bandwidth.
If I have a meeting scheduled I let him know so he can disconnect. We may both be gamers but work comes first. There's plenty of games that can be played offline so your DH is definitely being a bit over dramatic if he's making out you've cut him off completely.
Unfortunately we can't upgrade (fibre available but not enough technicians) and with normal use it's not a problem.