To expect DH not to play computer games whilst I'm working

[bowbowceo]

Just to give you some background.

DH is self employed and aside from his line of work all but shutting down due to COVID, he's also classed as vulnerable due to pre existing health issues so has been advised by consultant not to work. I am fully supportive of this and want him to be healthy, whatever the financial hit will be.

On the other hand I am employed at a senior level and am able to work from home and have been doing so on a full time basis since lockdown came into play.

DH in the morning will make me my morning cuppa, walk the dogs, tidy the house and then mooch around a bit. No problem with this whatsoever and I believe he's making the best of a difficult situation. However he has in the last few days started gaming online with some of his friends which impacts on the WiFi I'm using for work. Often it causes me to be cut off mid way during Skype calls and today it was the final straw when I was cut off from a call with my manager and team 3 times within an hour. I explained to DH that this was happening and asked him to come offline and he protested that it wasn't his gaming impacting on my WiFi (even though his game was working fine!) and kept making excuses not to come off the game. Eventually I put my foot down and demanded he stopped playing because my work is important and I needed to finish the call I was on. He stropped making a comment about having to go and stare at a wall instead!

I get this is a very first world problem but I saw a real childish side to him today and it's making me really question a lot about him and the value he places on my job. He is a very hard worker and I know is finding this adjustment tough.

For context I work at a senior level in the public sector and not something he has an awful lot to do with in the work that he does.

Rant over! Am I alone in this type of situation?

How often are you on calls? We’re in a similar position, my DP is working from home and I’m a teacher currently on Easter holidays. He just asks me to pause Netflix when he has a call and I stare at the ceiling for an hour while he’s on the call as there’s nothing else to do. I don’t think it’s fair to ask him to completely stop using the internet but could you ask him to go offline just when you’re on an important call? I get that it’s difficult being the one that’s still working when your partner’s doing nothing but trust me it’s so boring being the one with absolutely nothing to do so I think completely taking the internet away from him is a bit mean. I can’t wait to go back to work next week (well online lessons but at least it’s something to do)

Whilst obviously work takes precedence over gaming if you're public sector why arent you running your work laptop off your work mobile?

That's what we are told to do and it runs everything just fine including conference calls.

If you don't have one try ringing Virgin. I'm sure I heard somewhere that internet companies had lowered capabilities to households to meet additional demand from essential businesses. Even before CV19 we've previously had to ring up as we weren't getting the capacity we were paying for and they increased it from their end.

Yes, your work comes first, but unless self employed I can see why your DH is annoyed at being told he can't use HOME internet for recreation.

Work/income takes priority over recreational gaming, end of.

if he doesn't understand or agree with this, then I'd seriously consider ending a relationship.

Tell him to upgrade the house wifi ... that can be his new domain.

Yep 3 of us using wifi, skype teaching and lessons, working, dd online classes ( not during the holiday).
No problems at all.
You sound like his mother though, and he sounds like a bloody big kid. Do you often have to mother him?

I'd say it's Skype itself. It's been very poor for anyone I know since this all kicked off. Zoom & Microsoft Teams have been much more stable.

You could asks him to play some offline games?
I spent the afternoon playing on my Xbox whilst partner worked but game is just in my console so no internet used (maybe minimal if it updates my scores)
So he can play single player game during work hours (if you are convinced it's him) and multiple player in evening.

I have had issues with WIFI, if everyone is using a device, whilst on a video conference call using something like Teams. Poor DS was banned from the internet yesterday as both DH and I were on important calls most of the day. I only have to do calls once or twice a week, and not usually all day, so usually everything copes. DS is meant to be having ‘live’ school lessons next week, so we will have to see how that goes.

YANBU but can you connect a cable to your laptop or PC instead?

We have a normal BT line and there have been 2 people working from home and one of us constantly streaming - no problems here!

But if you're connected by wire, I believe you will take priority so you won't have the same issues.

I imagine Skype is your problem. I've always had issues with the connection when Zoom etc. works fine.

It might be Skype. It's shit.

Can he not download a game to play offline? I recommend fallout New Vegas or skyrim. Weeks of fun.

Sounds more like an argument you'd have with your teenagers than your partner. Yes he's being an idiot. You get first dibs on the internet and he has to lump it.

Can’t believe some of these comments lol. Your dh is being an incredible dick. Does he think he’s 12?

YANBU. For the rest of the week, DH should be prepared to nix the online gaming during work hours. Watch out for updates happening in the background! Best to fully disconnect the console from the wifi. (If PC, put Steam in offline mode). That'll let you learn whether the gaming is the cause of the problems or not.

Even just on one PC, I find if Steam starts downloading a game update it's liable to disrupt other stuff like Youtube.

Work has to come before gaming.

My DP has our WiFi set up so that the priority connection goes to my work laptop, perhaps yours has a setting like that.

Work first.
Play second.

Get a WiFi extender that only you log on to. Simple.

He’s doing housework and clearly feeling crap without a job so let him game.

He's quite entitled to do some gaming imo, esp after he's done the chores. It's not all about you

10 year olds really shouldn't be posting on MN

@bowbowceo. Obviously a lot of technical things he can look into. Absolutely nothing I can add to that. However, his attitude. That is terrible. Your WORK has to come first and you need a conversation about why he's so dismissive of it/you.

You deserve better than the attitude you're getting from him 🌷

Don't get some of these comments to be honest. He can play an offline game for an hour or two surely.

there is 6 of us using Virgin fibre optic here.. That includes 2 who are on zoom calls regular (DH and dd1 who is doing uni lectures this way) ds who is gaming me who is on my laptop and dd2 and 3 who are using the internet for different things. With a booster, it can cope with this with no issues.

I agree that you need a direct cable to yours so you don't loose your connection during work. If you are across the house from the input box I would start with a booster.

but this isn't something I can dictate as it depends on who I am speaking to and what software they are using.

Zoom can be downloaded very easily. I use Zoom a lot. For work we use Teams. I don't know anyone who uses Skype any more.

Does it not depend on the time you're using it? Our school IT person told us that once the US starts to come online the load becomes too much for global platforms and they're more likely to crash and throw you out. So I don't think it's your DH's fault at all.

That's a good point Anne. Our internet slows down noticeably in the afternoon. Also the second Wednesday of every month is when all Windows computers update, and that slows everything down as well.

Just tell him to play some offline games whilst you're at work/have meetings there's literally thousands to choose from, I say this as an avid gamer myself. Online gaming is for bloody 12 year olds anyway tell him to play a bloody grown up single player game like the story mode of Red Dead Redemption 2 or Witcher 3.

Why can't he read a book?