To expect DH not to play computer games whilst I'm working

[bowbowceo]

Just to give you some background.

DH is self employed and aside from his line of work all but shutting down due to COVID, he's also classed as vulnerable due to pre existing health issues so has been advised by consultant not to work. I am fully supportive of this and want him to be healthy, whatever the financial hit will be.

On the other hand I am employed at a senior level and am able to work from home and have been doing so on a full time basis since lockdown came into play.

DH in the morning will make me my morning cuppa, walk the dogs, tidy the house and then mooch around a bit. No problem with this whatsoever and I believe he's making the best of a difficult situation. However he has in the last few days started gaming online with some of his friends which impacts on the WiFi I'm using for work. Often it causes me to be cut off mid way during Skype calls and today it was the final straw when I was cut off from a call with my manager and team 3 times within an hour. I explained to DH that this was happening and asked him to come offline and he protested that it wasn't his gaming impacting on my WiFi (even though his game was working fine!) and kept making excuses not to come off the game. Eventually I put my foot down and demanded he stopped playing because my work is important and I needed to finish the call I was on. He stropped making a comment about having to go and stare at a wall instead!

I get this is a very first world problem but I saw a real childish side to him today and it's making me really question a lot about him and the value he places on my job. He is a very hard worker and I know is finding this adjustment tough.

For context I work at a senior level in the public sector and not something he has an awful lot to do with in the work that he does.

Rant over! Am I alone in this type of situation?

Actually I think gaming does have an impact. Ours slows down when ds is playing a game like fortnite which constantly streams information.

I would try it in a non combative way - ask him to stop gaming for a bit to see if it helps.

Work takes priority says all of us on MN!

In the current situation but being allowed to use wi-fi X hours a day would be an immediate emergency with swift resolution

Do a speed check. There’s a problem somewhere because virgin fibre will be more than capable of allowing both.
Until it’s sorted, can you tether your work laptop to your phone (make sure have the data allowance to support this) or get you oh to tether his game to his phone?

We have virgin and it can cope with 3 online gamers, a Netflix watcher and a larper using discord so it’s not the game that’s doing it. On the other hand, he should have ceased playing to see if it fixed the problem; work > gaming

When this is over I would see what other broadband you can get in your area, it shouldn't have an effect really. Regardless, at the moment he needs to just game when you aren't working, or play a game offline.

FFS, the OP is the only one earning right now, he can game all evening after she's done working but it's her fault the WiFi is crap and she needs to upgrade it and sort it out. Give over! Of course YANBU. He needs to grow the fuck up. No money = can't pay the internet bill.

Another who thinks it would make sense for you to get an upgrade whilst working from home.
dh and I can both be on work calls, dd on a similar type of call with her mates, whilst ds is gaming and his gf is watching something on netflix or youtube without anyone being impacted, here.

During the actual work call, then yes, of course he should have paused the game and let you finish your call today, however I think we are all going to be getting on each others toes at some point during this time of confinement. I'd upgrade the wifi and let it go.

Of course it's not her fault, but it's unlikely his gaming is the culprit when they have fibre so it's more likely to be another issue related to using a work VPN, signal, dodgy laptop wireless card, issue with Skype itself, etc. Wifi can be temperamental anyway, so it's worth trying it plugged in with an Ethernet cable to see if that helps stability.

showmethegin You're probably right

Have you tried running an ethernet cable to your laptop or pc? I find that I can run a ps4/xbox1/switch and a desktop pc all fine at the same time as they are ethernet wired. However, my laptop disconnects repeatedly regardless of what's on the network, as that runs wifi only.

If I was relying on the internet to work from home, I would certainly be using ethernet, and if router settings permit, placing your computers individual IP etc at a higher priority for internet traffic.

All these people saying you should be fine don't really understand how broadband (or WiFi) works.

Not every one has the same download speed available to them. Online gaming uses both upload and download as does making a video call, and the bandwidth can be tanked for both if it is overencumbered.
WiFi isn't a guaranteed service and can be impacted by things inside and outside of the home.
On top of that if there are lots of people working from home who are connected to the same servers at the exchange then there's going to be some slow down.
If data packets are being sent to people all over the place and back to your husband OP, then obviously that's going to slow down your broadband because it will strap your bandwidth.

YANBU to ask him to not use the broadband in these unprecedented times however if you work from home often, pre pandemic and plan to work from home post pandemic then get a second line for business, because it's unfair to expect every one else to forgo using the internet so you can work from home.

Can you hard wire your laptop/desktop into your broadband instead of using WiFi?

When it happens again go to speedtest.net and test your virgin speed. I suspect it will be pretty good given virgin is fibre.

I expect your disconnects would happen regardless and probably more of an issue to do with Skype as a service or your works vpn connection or similar. Quite possibly your DH not playing will have no effect. It will be hard to prove in either circumstance

Change WiFi password. Sorted.

Or as others have suggested get a cheap 10m (or however long you require) ethernet cable and run it from router box direct into your laptop.

I bought a wifi extender when I started WFH as I know our wifi is heavily loaded at the best of times (phones, laptops,streaming television, security cameras) and my desk is at the diagonally furthest corner of the house. I generally have a couple of video calls per day. Other than getting BT out last week (turned out the box on the pole had developed a fault) we've had no problems with maintaining wifi to all our devices.

You should ha e enough bandwidth on Virgin to do both, but YANBU to ask him to come off if there are issues. The other thing to try is turning off incoming video. This always speeds ours up when it’s slow.

Incoming video on your call I mean. It uses a lot less bandwidth to do audio only.

Thanks for all the replies!

As someone has said, upgrading isn't really what I want to do as it's an additional cost and we are just about making it through at the moment without taking a mortgage holiday (and I feel very grateful for that indeed!) also with any luck normality may resume in a few months (wishful thinking?!) and then the house will be largely unoccupied 8-9 hours a day so no need for a super internet package.

To be honest I don't know whether it's the WiFi or his gaming. Yesterday I was on Zoom calls most of the day and he was gaming on and off and there were no issues until the afternoon, today with Skype was a lot worse, so could have something to do with the product I use but this isn't something I can dictate as it depends on who I am speaking to and what software they are using.

I actually cried over this earlier which is very unlike me and I think highlights how much this lockdown situation magnifies even the smallest situations!

Some of these comments, jesus!
Work is more important than gaming, simple.
Not everyone can just pay more.
Its perfectly reasonable to ask someone to stop doing a leisure activity so you can work. I.e if you owned one PC and he wanted to play games on jt while you needed to work. You would take priority.

If you cant upgrade wifi then you get priority as long as you are working. Then leisure time is split between you. The more people in your house and area using wifi results in wifi slowing.

Yes, OP, tie yourself in knots trying all these things, arranging an upgrade, buying products so he can carry on gaming away, that's the main thing. Or he can just play offline until you're finished working .

If you have Virgin fibre it should be more than capable of two heavy users simultaneously.

You need to do a speed check on your broadband connection. Search Ookla.

How is your wifi set up? Is he nearer the router? Are you in a back bedroom through several stone walls? You need to look at this. You might need a wifi access point by your desk. It's like a booster.

Grown men playing video games during the day is pretty unattractive

Well said @peppermintcapsules

Tell him to run his console off his phone internet.