Children carers shouldn’t be allowed

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There was a powerful segment in Ch4 news about an 11 year old girl who is the carer of her mother, who suffers from Chronic fatigue syndrome, and 7 year old autistic brother.

The poor poor girl. This is no life for a child.

The problem is that social care is so badly funded that children are too often having to plug the gap in care.
No child should have to have significant caring responsibilities but they do because otherwise their loved ones either go without care or go into residential care which also means the children go into residential care. It’s a shit situation but unless we are all prepared to pay significantly more income tax to directly fund social care (I would be happy with this) children will continue to be young carers.

You're right that no child should have to be. But sometimes there are no better options. It's heartbreaking but the social care support is just not there.

It’s a shit situation but unless we are all prepared to pay significantly more income tax to directly fund social care (I would be happy with this) children will continue to be young carers.

Agree 100%.

But the question is, how does a child even fulfil the role of a carer? This child apparently does the cooking, cleaning, looking after her younger brother who is prone to violent outbursts and is only 11 years old.

The gov needs to step in.

Completely agree. It shouldn't be allowed. What sort of life is that, for a child?

I agree in a perfect world that family and others like it would have appropriate support.
Unfortunately that’s probably not possible.

The organisation I volunteer for does short holidays on a farm for young carers. The youngest I have met was 8.

There’s an article in the guardian about young carers. One child had been the carer of her mother, who had suffered a stroke, from the age of 6. 6! Her school, GP, and numerous other authorities knew but nothing was done until the mother attempted suicide.

Yes there is insufficient funding for social care but surely these children should be prioritised as vulnerable children.

We live in a society who cannot STAND the idea of someone getting some sort of financial help or perceived advantage that they may not need...

And so to ensure that does not happen, we are more than happy to risk those who NEED help not receiving it.

Each time we share a post about someones neighbour claiming disability but we think they are not disabled really...

Each time we make or watch a tv program about 'benefits britain'...

Each time we judge someone on benefits with their benefits smart phone and their benefits car and their benefits tv...

It's people like child carers or disabled people stuck at home without adaptations to their home, who pay the price.

There is insufficient funding. We don't need to prioritise one set of needy people above another, we need to prioritise MORE FUNDING, and stop cutting benefits and trying to kill off the disabled and those in need of care.

it will only get worse. after all this councils will have even less money.

You’re so right and while lack of funding is obviously an issue I remember a heartbreaking documentary I saw a couple of years ago where two families had child caters because the parents refused help from outside the family because they were too embarrassed and didn’t want strangers helping. Awful.

I was a young carer to my single parent disabled mother and 3 younger siblings with autism/adhd/odd/other behavioural disorders. It does absolutely suck to be a young carer but realistically what should happen? Should all 4 of us have been taken into care (3 of whom would need expensive foster carers/experienced adoptive parents)and mother given carers(who would need to be paid)

Instead there was hit and miss support workers for occassional respite, an endless revolving door of social workers who couldn't do anything to improve the home situation as there was no budget yet werent able to remove us from the situation as there wasnt funds/criteria for us to be placed in care.

Life would have been easier if our fathers hadn't left(2 different blokes) or if mother had not had 3 children with additional needs but you cant see the future.

I would have liked more support from my schools for example more time for assignments and a bit of understanding from the teachers as to why I was late for school or missing key equipment , support with key skills such as money management, how to run a household and support with the emotional side of it all.

But I turned out ok ish. Qualified nurse, in a long term relationship with 3 thankfully health children. Ok I've got depression and a couple of other things from living the way we did but with therapy and some good antidepressants I'm a functioning adult.

It would have been interesting to know if the CFS started before the mother had her second baby. I know a lot of women (sil / sis included) who knew they had dehabilitating conditions before having their second child yet still ttc for them anyway. My DN (Sil / DB son) is 4 and basically does everything for his younger brother (1) up to including changing nappies, carrying him, and pureeing / mashing his breakfasts since the lockdown (my parents did the daily care before then) as sil can’t use her hands and DB is a key worker working in an inflexible job and still has to go to the office.

I do think parents with serious chronic conditions that may impact their ability to care for their children need to assess their ability to have further children. I think perhaps they should have social services support from the beginning (like parents with serious MH issues do) to prevent situations like this.

I think perhaps they should have social services support from the beginning (like parents with serious MH issues do)

What social services support is this? Support is largely non-existent. As for your SIL (it's always an SIL, isn't it?), she didn't conceive on her own. Your brother, key worker inflexible job and all, is just as responsible.

grumpy your brother is not fulfilling his responsibilities as a father. He knows his wife cannot manage basic tasks, he knows his 4 year old will have to do tasks that no 4 year old should have to do whilst he is at work. He absolutely should give up his job and be the family’s main Carer, at least until things get back to normal and the grandparents can help out again. Yes they need his income but so do all families with a disabled child / parent and ultimately many choose to be poor instead because it is the only way to prevent children being neglected or taking on duties that no child that’s he should have to do.

as sil can’t use her hands and DB is a key worker working in an inflexible job and still has to go to the office.

It takes two to tango. Sounds to me that your brother is the problem here for allowing his child to be the main carer. That's really not good. I'd be looking at his ability to care (or lack of it) for his family from a social work perspective.

This is why we need to urgently move to a means tested copay model for public services. State funds should be going to the most vulnerable in society who actually need help not to the middle class.

Completely agree! Its neglect and I wish we would stop making out it's so great in the media.

This is why we need to urgently move to a means tested copay model for public services. State funds should be going to the most vulnerable in society who actually need help not to the middle class.

Home care is already means tested. Not all middle class people are wealthy. Not all working class people are poor. People in all groups can be vulnerable however.

I had some caring responsibilities as a child, not as many as the child described in the OP but I'm incredibly proud of what me and my family achieved. Despite my home life looking very different to my peers (and being considerably poorer) it turned me into a really resilient, self-motivated young woman. I went on to get a masters and now enjoy success in a career far beyond what I or anyone ever imagined I'd be able to achieve.

Plainly the family described in the OP need support (my brother, who I helped care for, had monthly short breaks which were mainly for my benefit) but I just thought I'd provide some balance. We're not all watery eyed NSPCC adverts.

I know in a lot of cases it’s the avoidance of social services which is why they’re doing it in the first place. If it came to light that not only was a child not being taken care of, but they were actually taking care of the family and running the house themselves, then they are at risk of being removed by ss. Child carers is what happens when they’re trying to keep the family together

@GrumpyHoonMain your family has some seriously fucked up priorities, and I can’t believe you haven’t notified ss if you haven’t already

I was my mother’s main carer from age 12. It was shit but at least I got to spend some dedicated time with her before she died 6 years later - I’m glad I had that time even if I sacrificed most normal teen experiences for it

The thing that makes me sad is this has been happening since time began and we still allow it to happen. I was a child carer to my very unstable mother and two younger siblings back in the 60s/70s and nothing has changed, children are still growing up with no childhoods due to their caring responsibilities

Some of the people on this thread have no idea how little social care help there is. Social care costs money and people voted for a government not prepared to pay for that.

I don’t think they should be MAIN carers. Making cereal or toast for the family in the morning, maybe helping a parent down the stairs in the morning, getting a sibling dressed these aren’t unfairly hard for a NT 9,10,11 yr old. But it’s when the family cannot cope without them there, they can’t have hobbies, go away with friends ... that’s wrong IMO