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Original poster

Children carers shouldn’t be allowed

151 replies

NameChangeInfinite · 15/04/2020 11:30

There was a powerful segment in Ch4 news about an 11 year old girl who is the carer of her mother, who suffers from Chronic fatigue syndrome, and 7 year old autistic brother.

The poor poor girl. This is no life for a child.

OP posts:
RandomUser3049 · 15/04/2020 14:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

LouHotel · 15/04/2020 14:08

Children can’t vote so they are never a priority for government and never will be.

There’s two aspects to this, the first being parents who find themselves disabled after having children and then stuck in a social care system that won’t support them and secondly disabled parents who choose to have children knowing that their illness is already difficult to manage or will become progressively worse but their want for a child overrides common sense.

In the end is doesn’t matter because you still have a child in that position. It’s also a catch 22 for the government in that they allow young carers but also they are not financially supported because that would make their work illegal under child labour laws....it’s weaponising a child’s love for their parents.

Personally if we can’t stop It I think that child carers should be exempt from tuition fees as a thank you at the very least.

Pumpkinpie1 · 15/04/2020 14:11

Sadly everyone who voted for the present government agreed with the austerity cuts to NHS, Socialcare, and Education. This included pushing more families into poverty homelessness more discrimination and less support for child Carers

Poppi89 · 15/04/2020 14:14

@CaptainMyCaptain

What part of the country is this organisation? I would love to volunteer with something like that.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 15/04/2020 14:14

I agree children shouldn’t ever be carers.

I have a friend who is NC with her mum because she was put in the position of a carer knowingly. It was as a result or accident or a condition that occurred afterwards.

alloutoffucks · 15/04/2020 14:19

@Handsoffisback Removing a child is not easy. And SS had to put in practical support and monitor if it would work. I lost touch with her so don't know what happened. But I think it comes from the attitude you do see on MN sometimes that having a child is a right. It really isn't.

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/04/2020 14:35

@Poppi89 it's in Sheffield, I think it's just called Young Carers. I don't volunteer with them, as such, I'm on the farm they visit.

LilacTree1 · 15/04/2020 14:40

I agree OP

LilacTree1 · 15/04/2020 14:40

“ But I think it comes from the attitude you do see on MN sometimes that having a child is a right. It really isn't.”

This.

SnuggyBuggy · 15/04/2020 14:48

Its wrong. If the person needing care had no children then the local authority would have to put something in place. Making children do this work is abuse, I don't see how it's any different to children working in sweatshops to provide money for the family.

Poppi89 · 15/04/2020 14:51

@CaptainMyCaptain

Thank you very much!

That is too far from me but I will look at what's available at my end of the country as it sounds like such a lovely idea.

Quarantinequeen · 15/04/2020 14:53

It's not as straightforward as documentaries suggest. Child carer is such a broad term, it can include teenagers who help out at home because one parent is disabled and one works. That was my life. It didn't harm me, I could have my own life, I just had to load the dishwasher, sort out the washing my mum put on before she went to work and make sure my dad had a cuppa and his meds when I got home from school before going out again if i wanted to. Not a big deal for a 13+ year old and it made me resilient and independent. I also have an exceptionally close relationship with my parents.
I think a big problem with the young carers label is it has become so broad when actually it is a subset of the broader label where the situation is problematic.

Beautiful3 · 15/04/2020 14:54

When I was 5, I began caring for my disabled parents and older siblings. I often took time off school to help care for them. Everyone knew, but no one helped. It is wrong on every level. I think that if a parent cannot care for their child then it should be taken into care. Perhaps it would have been better to take myself and siblings into care?! Who knows?!

bruffin · 15/04/2020 14:58

I used to work for a carers charity and had cases where the parents would not let their child do anything because they wanted their child home caring for them. We would give grants for them to join scouts or sports clubs , do extra curricular but parent would say no.

Butterfly02 · 15/04/2020 14:59

My dc are classed as young carers (I became disabled when youngest was 5).
I was retired on ill health grounds and now rely on benefits to top up. I use some of my benefits to reduce the amount of tasks I have to ask the children to do (eg cleaner/gardener) presently the children are having to do this. I do as much as I can but somethings are impossible.
I've been on a waiting list for adaptions to make life easier for over a year (was told it would be August but I'm suspecting it will be longer now). Having the adaptions will mean I'm more independent and don't have to rely on the children so much but cuts have meant longer waiting lists. Also things like physio have been cut which means I'm less mobile than I should be coupled with lack of adaptions this takes a toll on many young carers.
My children have accessed young carers group which due to cuts is a 6 week programme on how to cope, they're then discharged - what my children really need is escapism as even when not in lock down they are home all the time except school /guides. They'd love just to go swimming or on a picnic but I'm unable to take them. To have a regular outlet for them to see /speak to others in a similar situation would really help. All my children are doing really well educationally because I'm able to support and encourage them for not all disabled parents are able to. I have pushed for support where needed but its not always available or it's short term what these children need is long term support. Teachers are often unaware of what goes on at home and so don't realise the mental load the children are carrying.
I have no involvement with ss and my children should probably be classed as vulnerable but they're not because I'm keeping them healthy, warm, fed, in school and they are well behaved.

corythatwas · 15/04/2020 15:05

And yes, any woman that is aware she has health problems that prevent her looking after a child and then chooses to have more is a very selfish individual.

And there I was thinking parthenogenesis was confined to invertebrates and certain species of fish.

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 15/04/2020 15:06

We live in a society who cannot STAND the idea of someone getting some sort of financial help or perceived advantage that they may not need...

And so to ensure that does not happen, we are more than happy to risk those who NEED help not receiving it.

Each time we share a post about someones neighbour claiming disability but we think they are not disabled really...

Each time we make or watch a tv program about 'benefits britain'...

*Each time we judge someone on benefits with their benefits smart phone and their benefits car and their benefits tv...

It's people like child carers or disabled people stuck at home without adaptations to their home, who pay the price.

This is bang on.

You could add people being sanctioned and starving to death to that list, or the people dying through inability to keep their fridge on to store their insulin. As a society we turn a blind eye to this stuff, but are only too keen to slag off perceived 'benefit cheats'.

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 15/04/2020 15:09

Personally if we can’t stop It I think that child carers should be exempt from tuition fees as a thank you at the very least.

Yeah, because child carers, as a group, are highly likely to get into a good uni, aren't they? Let them eat cake!

Or maybe.... don't vote for parties that support austerity and make cuts to the services which help child (and other) carers.

cabbageking · 15/04/2020 15:13

There have always been young carers in schools, even when I attended school. Schools have often supported them and gained young carers Awards. Both parties have funded schools with one hand and taken with the other. It isn't ideal but there are lots of children taking on additional responsibilities for parents on drugs and or alcohol. They are classed as vulnerable in schools which is a growing group even with better systems in place.

corythatwas · 15/04/2020 15:19

My disabled child was young during a time when there was far more money available to support those who needed it. Not because this country was hugely more affluent but at least to an extent from political choice. I am very glad of that. So many people are more disabled now, less able to work around their disabilities, more forced to become a burden on others because of cuts to support which might help them to be more active.

magicfarawaytrees · 15/04/2020 15:21

The money could be found from the government. It’s found for lots of frankly ridiculous other ideas and unnecessary crap and also sent abroad. The term ‘child carer’ shouldn’t even be a thing.

On a smaller scale, I got into an argument on here last week with someone who openly admitted she was spending her FSM voucher on wine for herself. Again, more spending money clearly on the wrong and foolish people as always.

OhCaptain · 15/04/2020 15:23

@GrumpyHoonMain I really think you should contact SS.

A four year old should not be taking care of a baby.

A poster upthread said if she didn’t rely on her dc to be carers, they’d have to live off benefits.

But I’ll be honest, I’d question what sort of life they have and how it could be worse for them to be on benefits but not having to be carers for sick or disabled adults.

Basically, if it’s avoidable it should be avoided!

I’m uncomfortable with the idea of telling people they shouldn’t have babies but I do admit to thinking that it’s unfair to have dc knowing there’s a strong possibility you’ll be stealing their childhood by getting them to take care of you.

They don’t ask to be born and you do have to consider what sort of life you can give before you become a parent, IMO.

BeijingBikini · 15/04/2020 15:28

It didn't harm me, I could have my own life, I just had to load the dishwasher, sort out the washing my mum put on before she went to work and make sure my dad had a cuppa and his meds when I got home from school before going out again if i wanted to. Not a big deal for a 13+ year old and it made me resilient and independent.

This just sounds like a normal level of chores for a teenager. I think the problem is more when it becomes a full-time job.

YouJustDoYou · 15/04/2020 15:32

I still remember seeing one of the kids awards shows a few years ago. This little girl who was about 7 was filmed looking after her wheelchair bound mother. This 7 year old did all the laundry, most of the cooking, super market shopping (with her mother following behind) AND looked after her little brother. Was actually quite sickening to see when her little.face lit up when the presenters told her she had won a break away from being a carer. She went from a serious faced 7 year old to almost crying when she found out she was getting time off. Yes the system is wrong. By how is it right for a parent to do that to a child? The mother sat in the corner calling out thank you dear every now and then whilst she watched tv and the 7 year old did all the chores.

ViciousJackdaw · 15/04/2020 15:32

I do admit to thinking that it’s unfair to have dc knowing there’s a strong possibility you’ll be stealing their childhood by getting them to take care of you

This is how I feel too. Which is why I have no DC. It would be plain selfish to do so given how restricted my movement is.