Partner wants me to leave

[immrmeeseeks]

I'm a community palliative care nurse, I work overnight shifts with one patient overnight. We have been redeployed due to Coronavirus and I am now working alongside the district nursing team doing multiple visits a shift to end of life and covid patients.

My partner feels that I am now at high risk of contracting the virus and wants me to move out for the duration to protect him and our children, he is not a hands on parent and I don't think would cope with the kids for a couple of days, never mind weeks, we have good Ppe and will be in patient houses for the minimum amount of time, I do accept that my risk of catching the virus is heightened though, do you think he has a point and is valid on his asking me to leave?

Where does he think you’ll go exactly?

Unless he is in a vulnerable group he's out of order. You've got to weigh up the real risk compared to the emotional damage that you leaving will cause.

How old are the children and where would you go?

He doesn't get to choose. I'm a nurse, and I can imagine a point at which I would move out to protect my family, but it wouldn't be in the circumstances you describe, and I wouldn't be happy for someone else to decide I should. You are best placed to weigh the risks.

Possibly. If the OP was saying that her male partner nurse was refusing to move elsewhere for the duration, there would be hell to pay.

Does anyone in your family have pre-existing conditions, OP? And where would he expect you to go?

Good question sparkle socks, I've no idea, he's quite adamant though that I either quit my job or find alternative accommodation.

Where does he want you to go?

I understand his fears but I think he’s being completely unreasonable with such a dramatic ultimatum and I’m sorry you have this stress alongside your job. The fact is every other frontline worker is going through the same thing and their families aren’t expecting them to move to some unknown location during lockdown.

Another perspective from previous answers, but why are you questioning his parenting ability and making that a factor? Perhaps it's time he stepped out and found out how hard it is (or maybe he's absolutely fine)

He has asthma, not severe, none of the kids are vulnerable. He is also still working although his is a solitary job which he can do without contact with anyone else, we have a toddler and two preteens

The fact is every other frontline worker is going through the same thing and their families aren’t expecting them to move to some unknown location during lockdown

That's not really accurate - there's loads of accommodation being made available to doctors and nurses who are working on the COVID wards.

@vanillandhoney OK fair enough, but there are still many who haven’t got that option

If he's got an underlying lung condition, OP, then he probably has a point.

He's not going to volunteer to look after three small kids on his own, whilst trying to work, for shits and giggles.

Another perspective from previous answers, but why are you questioning his parenting ability and making that a factor?
Given that, I would be looking at moving out, without him having to tell me too.

Lots of frontline staff have done the same.

I'm maybe being a bit hard on his parenting skills but due to the consuming nature of his job I've always been the hands on parent so he's just never had to do it for any extended amount of time, I concede he may well cope fine but it would worry me

why are you questioning his parenting ability and making that a factor? Perhaps it's time he stepped out and found out how hard it is (or maybe he's absolutely fine)

That’s what I thought. If he’s adamant that this is the best way to protect everyone, maybe it’s worth considering. But what will happen to his work if he is responsible for the DCs? Or has he not thought that far about it?

Hang on, he has asthma?

I'm not surprised he's scared, tbh. He wouldn't be offering to work and do all the childcare for the fun of it.

OK fair enough, but there are still many who haven’t got that option

Very few, if any, trusts can offer alterntaive accommodation. Hotels are being used, air bnbs etc.

Trusts can't offer alternative accomodation

My wife is a nurse who has been redeployed to a covid ward. It wouldn’t occur to me to expect her to move out.

Generally the accommodation is provided for those living with people in the shielded group.

If there was a woman on here with asthma; her DH was working with end-of-life Covid patients; and he was refusing to move out, there would be uproar.

As usual, men's physical and mental health doesn't count for very much.

My wife is a nurse who has been redeployed to a covid ward. It wouldn’t occur to me to expect her to move out.

Do you have a pre-existing lung condition, like the OP's partner?

@Shitsgettingcrazy interesting, do you have any stats on the percentage of frontline staff who have been offered accom? I know quite a few nurses and a couple of doctors working in the thick of it who haven’t, so curious if this is the minority

Good question sparkle socks, I've no idea, he's quite adamant though that I either quit my job or find alternative accommodation.

Its not his decision to make though is it?
Tell him you are not doing either, you have proper PPE and take all precautions, he is just as likely to get it from going shopping where people seem unable to do social distncing once they step foot inside a shop!

Possibly. If the OP was saying that her male partner nurse was refusing to move elsewhere for the duration, there would be hell to pay.
Rubbish nobody gets to tell someone they have to give up their job or move out their own home. Doesnt matter what sex they are.

No, but like I said, most accommodation is being offered to those living with people in the shielded group. Asthma does not mean shielded unless it’s very severe.

I’m also a key worker and a few colleagues with asthma are still coming into work as they have been told that as their asthma is mild they are not high risk.

OK fair enough, but there are still many who haven’t got that option

If you have a partner or family member who is vulnerable or shielding, most trusts will be able to organise something - be it hospital accommodation, a hotel room, a B&B or similar.

When you're working directly with COVID patients your risk of catching it is huge, and the more you do it, the higher the risk. I certainly wouldn't want to be an asthmatic living with a COVID nurse right now. Many people with breathing difficulties who catch it end up in hospital or worse.