Partner wants me to leave

[immrmeeseeks]

I'm a community palliative care nurse, I work overnight shifts with one patient overnight. We have been redeployed due to Coronavirus and I am now working alongside the district nursing team doing multiple visits a shift to end of life and covid patients.

My partner feels that I am now at high risk of contracting the virus and wants me to move out for the duration to protect him and our children, he is not a hands on parent and I don't think would cope with the kids for a couple of days, never mind weeks, we have good Ppe and will be in patient houses for the minimum amount of time, I do accept that my risk of catching the virus is heightened though, do you think he has a point and is valid on his asking me to leave?

He's not going to volunteer to look after three small kids on his own, whilst trying to work, for shits and giggles.

Is he going to take the kids to work with him?

He could take dc with him to do some of his job if needed, I'm just not sure if I am being unreasonable to dismiss his worries or if he has got a valid point, being a healthcare worker I am possibly more of the we just have to crack on with it mindset, I might phone my manager and talk it through with them.

he is just as likely to get it from going shopping where people seem unable to do social distncing once they step foot inside a shop!

I'm not a virologist but my blind guess is that working with Covid-19 patients is bit riskier than going to Tescos.

Rubbish nobody gets to tell someone they have to...move out their own home

Haven't been round here long have you?

If he has asthma then he has a point.

Some Trusts are providing accommodation in these situations. I think you should at least ask the question.

@vanillandhoney ok thanks

I guess he is protecting himself and your children as you are front line and your patients are dying from the virus.

Is he going to take the kids to work with him?

Dunno. Very possibly, as his is a job that he can do without contact with others. Is the OP going to take her kids to the Covid-19 ward?

he is just as likely to get it from going shopping where people seem unable to do social distncing once they step foot inside a shop!

That's just not true. It's all about viral load. If someone is in close contact with COVID patients day in, day out, they're going to have a really high exposure to the virus. They're then bringing the virus home with them - on their shoes, their clothes, their hair, their skin.

Yes, you can get undressed and into the shower as soon as you walk in the house, but the risk is still there. You'll touch your car keys, the front door, door handles, carpets, the floor etc.

If I already had breathing difficulties and my partner was going to be working with COVID patients I would be terrified, both for their life and mine.

I think he's being a bit unreasonable and I'm in my early 60s with asthma.

DS2 lives with us and still has to go out to work. He strips off when he gets home, bags his clothes to be washed separately and goes right into the shower then into fresh clothes. We're lucky in that we have a room in the house with a separate entrance and an attached bathroom. But if we didn't we'd step into another room to allow him to disrobe and get to the shower. We're also doing our best to maintain physical distancing and extra sanitizing of surfaces. I know that only removes part of the risk factors but we're not about to kick him out.

If there's nowhere else for you to go then he's being unreasonable. You're a medical professional. You know how to practice excellent hygiene and to monitor yourself for fever and/or symptoms.

I've got to say that the idea of telling a front line worker to move out of the family home (to where?) and not see partner kids possibly for months feels all sorts of wrong.

And yes I'd say that whatever the sexes involved.

And I think the idea of forcing someone with a pre-existing lung condition to live with someone working on Covid-19 end-of-life ward is fucking terrifying. It poses a genuine risk to his life.

As I say, men's physical and mental health doesn't count.

My dh is a Doctor and I’ve got asthma. There’s no way I would kick him out, he needs my support. He comes first as he’s helping save lives. Your h should put you first.

If I already had breathing difficulties and my partner was going to be working with COVID patients I would be terrified, both for their life and mine.

Likewise.

I've got to say that the idea of telling a front line worker to move out of the family home (to where?) and not see partner kids possibly for months feels all sorts of wrong.

It's already happening, though. Hotels, B&B's etc. are all being used for frontline workers so that their vulnerable family members aren't exposed unnecessarily. This virus kills - what's worse, not seeing your family for a few months or knowingly passing on the disease that could easily kill them?

I think a lot of people still have no idea how dangerous this can be.

As I say, men's physical and mental health doesn't count

Absolutely nobody has said that and you’re being deliberately facetious to suggest otherwise.

I feel like there’s more to this story. What’s your relationship with him normally OP? Do you feel like he’s using this an an excuse to be unpleasant to you or do you genuinely think he is concerned? Also are all the children yours and his or is it a blended family? It struck me that perhaps there’s an outside person influencing him also.

Can we drop the men's rights stuff it's not relevant.

It wouldn't occur to me to tell DH to move out

With non-severe asthma I think he is BU to insist you leave. (I say that as a person with non-severe asthma and a history of pneumonia). If you were both in agreement that you felt it best to move out, that would be another thing. But this is going to be gruelling enough for you.

Does he actually just want you to quit, and thinks this will push you into the decision?

I personally don't think he's being unreasonable.

Can we drop the men's rights stuff it's not relevant.

It's not a question of men's rights. It's fine for this place to be biased towards women when matters of work, relationships etc. are concerned (god knows, nowhere else on the internet is). But this is literally life and death stuff. I get the sense that some posters think the DH should 'man up' and support his partner even where that means developing Covid-19 when he has a lung condition.

I'm a frontline worker and moved out immediately when the lockdown happened. Nobody needed to tell me to leave. It was a natural decision. I would never forgive myself if I was responsible to passing it on to my family. Seems strange to me to find reasons to stay and make him out to be unreasonable.

@thedancingbear you’re projecting massively. If you truly believe MN hate men and don’t care about their health then perhaps this isn’t the forum for you.

@justanotherneighinparadise, he is normally very supportive of my job and is the father of all children, he is genuinely frightened I think, for me, himself and the children. We live very remotely perhaps in the perfect place to self isolate and he doesn't understand why I'd want to bring the risk into our little bubble

If you truly believe MN hate men and don’t care about their health then perhaps this isn’t the forum for you.

Now you're projecting. Of course MN doesn't hate men. There's a pro-women bias. in lots of instances this is a good thing - as I said, god knows no-where else is.

In this instance, the bias is categorically dangerous. There is a real risk that this asthmatic man will catch covid-19 and die.