To judge friend for one night stand

[RuaBeag]

I just want to emphasize that I do t usually make a habit of judging women for their sexual behavior.

Friend I grew up with is a midwife and always been man mad. She’s had to leave her DC and go live on hospital grounds due to risk to her older family members, during this time she met up with her recent ex and stayed at his a few times. The accommodation on the hospital grounds is awful, like a cell. So I put it down to this but still raised my concerns.

A local glam hotel has put them up now instead and she’s just told me she’s had a guy she met from tinder over to stay last night and also had the ex over a couple of times.

I’m so angry at how irresponsible she is (or is she?) her other friends and colleagues don’t seem to be raising an eyebrow.

I’ve also lost two non immediate family members to Covid19 so I may be projecting my anger. I wanted to get a more reasoned opinion.

You’d think being a nurse she’d understand the risks she’s taking. YANBU. She’s being a selfish idiot.

I agree with you. In normal circumstances I have no issue with an adult having 1-night stands. But no-one should be meeting up with anyone at this time, particularly not a stranger and particularly not when you’re a frontline health care professional.

Totally irresponsible and if she was a friend of mine I’d feel similarly angry, let down and disappointed.

I’m sorry for your recent losses, OP.

I feel the same about a friend of mine. She's a really really good friend and like you I'm never judgey about other people's sexual behaviour.

But this week she's had a guy over who's she's been seeing for a couple of months, then last night a guy she's been seeing on and off for a year and who's married. Sex with both men and one stayed over. And she has kids in the house and is a nurse. The married man thing, casual sex.. whatever it's her business. But I just think of all the people in all sides being unnecessarily exposed.

I love her so much but I want to scream at her right now!

Front line health professionals are living on the edge. Wondering if they are going to die or not. I wouldnt judge her

Under normal circumstances I’d be saying. YABU. It’s her body she’s free to use it and abuse it anyway she chooses to. However these are far from normal times, so No YANBU. I think the new mums and mums to be would be very concerned if they knew. After all not even condoms will protect you from Covid 19.

I do partly agree @waveysnail

My friend says she exposed every day so what does it matter. It's more the chain of exposure that bothers me

On one hand we're all getting asked to clap for the NHS but I'm reading so many people saying nurses and doctors are repeatedly ignoring guidelines. Really disturbing. I would report her and to be honest I'd tell her I was doing so.

Has she been tesyed and knows, that she is clear?

They are putting themselves at risk, but part of me thinks it's up to them and they'll be taking risks generally.

I wouldn't judge her, she could be in crisis mode. There was a lot of sex during war time for the same reasons.

I had to tell a friend recently that I didn't want to talk anymore because she's engaging in two affairs, yes two, both with married men with families and she is married herself with a family and she kept going on about meeting them despite a lockdown and how one of the men was turfing his family out of the home during all of this to sell the house and she was going on about how he's a nice guy... that was enough for me. I tried not to be judgemental to that point (even though what she is doing is so wrong) but the fact she's going about kissing two different men and putting 3 families at risk because she's selfish and needs the constant attention, it was just enough for me to say goodbye. If I could tell the men the same thing I would but I don't know them

Front line health professionals are living on the edge. Wondering if they are going to die or not. I wouldnt judge her

I do half agree and when it was meeting her ex who as far as I know had been isolating, I thought “leave her at it” with an underlining concern for her patients.

A random guy on Tinder though, just seems another level. And not in a judgement sexually way, but in a risk of spread way.

carriebreadshaw I love my friend too so feel really guilty having any negative thoughts towards her, especially now.

On one hand we're all getting asked to clap for the NHS but I'm reading so many people saying nurses and doctors are repeatedly ignoring guidelines

Whilst i appreciate they might view themselves as at risk anyway so what the hell, there seems to be a distinct lack of understanding that they're can also be vectors.

They've closed hospitals in Tasmania as they have been the source of an outbreak

I'm alarmed at how many reports there are of NHS staff doing stuff like this. Either there's a huge number of GF's shit storing or we have a huge problem on our hands.

@Waveysnail

Front line health professionals are living on the edge. Wondering if they are going to die or not. I wouldnt judge her

. Seriously? I'm immensely grateful for the job they're doing and in total awe of their bravery - but that doesn't give them the right to spread it around FFS.

Sorry I didn’t want to say outwardly (fear of the horrible dailymail lazy journalism) but not the NHS.

Friend I grew up with is a midwife and always been man mad

I think you’re more judgemental of sexual behaviour than you realise.

However in this instance YANBU to be annoyed with her behaviour (although the issue is meeting with people not ONS per se!).

I’m sorry for your losses

Risky behaviour by someone under enormous stress who is literally risking their life every day. Who'd of thought it eh?

Under ordinary circumstances I'd be her biggest wingwoman and wanting all the gory details.

But at this time, she's being an idiot.

If she's being exposed every day, perhaps she doesn't think a tinder night could expose her any more? And if he works in similar job then wouldn't feel she was exposing him? Isolated away from her kids, high stress job, and over exposure to risk can make people become blasé. So I'd express my concerns but nothing more.

carriebreadshaw friend I would judge way way more.

You’re being disingenuous OP.

Surely the fact that she had anyone over is enough to judge her at this time?

Why even mention the one night stand? That’s extraneous detail.

Here’s the pat on the head you’re looking for. 🙇‍♀️

How selfish.

I am really sorry to hear of the deaths of 2 of your non immediate family.

I think you’re more judgemental of sexual behaviour than you realize.

No I just meant it that her behavior isn’t new and a direct reaction to the situation if that makes sense. I’m usually her biggest cheerleader and fan.

In ww2 my grandmother had a lot of fun! With Americans and British.
It's a natural reaction.
Wish I could. I'm stuck here with two kids on own!

Will you still not judge, *@Waveysnail if they catch COVID and kill your loved one with it? .

I wonder how much Tinder is being used just now.

The use of empty hotels to accommodate key workers is a great idea but I thought those staying there (is there still a reception desk which is manned?) would be checked and any stray people wandering in would be asked for some kind of id?