To judge friend for one night stand

[RuaBeag]

I just want to emphasize that I do t usually make a habit of judging women for their sexual behavior.

Friend I grew up with is a midwife and always been man mad. She’s had to leave her DC and go live on hospital grounds due to risk to her older family members, during this time she met up with her recent ex and stayed at his a few times. The accommodation on the hospital grounds is awful, like a cell. So I put it down to this but still raised my concerns.

A local glam hotel has put them up now instead and she’s just told me she’s had a guy she met from tinder over to stay last night and also had the ex over a couple of times.

I’m so angry at how irresponsible she is (or is she?) her other friends and colleagues don’t seem to be raising an eyebrow.

I’ve also lost two non immediate family members to Covid19 so I may be projecting my anger. I wanted to get a more reasoned opinion.

Front line health professionals are living on the edge. Wondering if they are going to die or not. I wouldnt judge her

This isn't like during the war,where people lived for the moment and thre caution to the wind in case a bomb dropped on them tomorrow.

I get that she is at extra risk because of her job and that must be stressful, but it makes no sense whatsover to put herself at extra competely unnecessary^ risk by shagging randoms. Let's hope she's not one of the NHS staff currently stressing about a lack of PPE eh?

I also think there's a bit of the wartime 'we could die any day so we may as well enjoy ourselves' mentality going on. I'm a frontline worker and we've got a fatalistic sort of mindset going on too, in that we are sure we are going to get the virus sooner rather than later. I'm a bit old and past ONS, but I may well have gone in for fun among my workmates while I could get it, had I been...well, forty years younger.

Are they all health workers?

I hope she has been at least partly responsible and let the Tinder chap know she works frontline NHS 😳

Wow. It’s pretty terrible to think she’s a midwife.

It actually breaks my heart to think what her recklessness could do. Yes, healthcare professionals are exposed to it and in that case, what will be will be, but this added risk is completely unnecessary

Risky behaviour by someone under enormous stress who is literally risking their life every day. Who'd of thought it eh?

Again, this isn't like being a bomb disposal expert is it? If she's under such stress that she needs a risky outlet tell her to take up online gambling or running up and down the stairs in a blindfold or something.

As it is, her actions are as likely to GIVE someone Covid as they are to save them from it. There's nothing heroic about that.

'Clap for the NHS' might take on new meaning....

Totally irresponsible. I'd judge her in normal circumstances too, but I realise that that is not a popular opinion.

Don't judge until you walk a mile in their shoes

The men are being just as reckless some seem to have forgotten that or can they simply not help themselves as sex is being offered 🙄

I’m more judgemental of them. She is at high risk at the moment and under a huge amount of pressure and stress

Are they ?

Have you spoke to her about it?

Basically someone should have shut Tinder and its ilk down during all this. People are making money out of this.

My friend is isolating alone and has been using Tinder to chat to men to alleviate some of her evening boredom - despite being quite keen on a ONS normally, she says she wouldn’t dream of meeting anyone just now.

She tells me she keeps getting lots of men initially saying they’re keen just to chat, but then after a while, they start pressuring her to meet up. I imagine there are quite a few people breaking lockdown for a shag.

The fact that she could pick up the virus and carry it into her work is completely, and shamefully, irresponsible.

This further highlights the need to be testing NHS workers...

This is not the same as wartime, it's a very different enemy. I understand those on the frontline want to de-stress. I also understand them having a bit of a "well I might be dead tomorrow" attitude. But what I cannot understand, what I will judge is that those people should know better. They understand how this works, it's not about them, or even the guy that takes the risk to visit them, it's about spreading the virus to the vulnerable, to the very ones who may come into their hospital and die.

No matter how stressed I was, I could not take the risk that the person that dies alone does so because I simply wanted some sex to de-stress. If that's their de-stress tool, then they can DIY...

Unforgivable.

Pretty sure it's in the rules - limit your contact with people from other households unless you're a front line worker, then shag anyone you like

Another one saying don’t underestimate the ‘live for today’ mentality for frontline workers.

It’s a kind of temporary insanity well documented throughout history. You can judge or not judge, but it’ll still occur and it’s very ‘human’.

One of the many quirks of our psyche that puts others at risk. It’s a kind of ‘no consequences’ thinking that I’m resigned to. Lots of others I see too. I just don’t see a cure for it. Certainly logical advice won’t do the track. However well-intentioned. At its base, I can’t guarantee that if my world-view were turned upside down from one day to the next, and I was expected to hunker down and do an impossible job (like dealing with death & pain daily like it were nothing), that I wouldn’t ‘live for the moment’ too.

I guess it depends just how frontline your friend is. And what underlying psychology is operating within her. Some will use these crazy times as an excuse to play away, no doubt, but some will be in the thrall of serious panic and just grasp for a moment’s escape any which way. Be careful you’re sure which one it is before judging, is all I’m saying.

'Always been man mad'

No op thats not judgy at all!
Whilst I don't condone what your friend is doing I think you need look at yourself too.

Have you said anything to her?

It's not about having a ONS surely, it's about her not sticking to rules of social distancing outside of work.

As a health professional delivering babies, she is putting her patients at risk.

There are lots of people who are having to put dating on hold for now.

Why does she think she is an exception or that her behaviour is okay?

I think I would report her and tell her you are doing so.

Saying someone has always been man mad isn’t a negative unless you’re projecting you’re own opinion on being man mad.

I outlined that to get across that it’s not the behavior that’s new or that I’m judging, it’s the circumstances. The timing.

Yes I have said something but she things I’m OTT and particularly sensitive to Covid related things at the moment.

My main issue isn’t the ex who himself was isolating. It’s the tinder guy and not because it’s casual sex but because his boundaries are obviously very low so god know what he’s been up to or is likely to get up up.

I mean this all in terms of spread, but do t let that get in the way of whatever narrative you’ve created.

"'... always been man mad'"
Yes, as an opener that is judgemental. And one I've always been uncomfortable with, as I've seen it applied to women just for having the temerity to not marry the first man they ever went out with. It's rather a lazy slur.

Since you mention only leaving her DC, I assume she is currently single? Her assignations do not involve being unfaithful to her partner? So that's not the issue.

Yes, she's being stupid in that she is risking infection (in both directions).

However, she's living in an 'unreal' reality. One where she is isolated from her normal life. It's surprising how much this can affect your judgement and how fatalistic it can make you. This is not an unknown reaction, and something you should take into account when thinking about her.

I'd be asking her what the hell she thought she was doing, risking picking up the infection and potentially spreading it to women giving birth. But you really should drop the 'man mad' shit - it says more to me about you than it does about her.

I guess it depends just how frontline your friend is.

Her friend is a midwife.

How is that not frontline, delivery babies?

she has been asked to self isolate to live out of the family home as she is putting older family at risk, yet she is happy to risk being infected and passing it on to patients.

Wow wow wow.

My friend tried to set me up on a virtual blind date last week. I politely declined because I'm working in a covid-19+ ward. I foolishly assumed that most men would run a mile knowing this and didn't want to face the rejection.

This thread is telling me I was wrong.

OP I think you know what is acceptable and what is not.

Her behaviour is not.

So the question is, are you going to report her to her manager or whoever else can speak to her?

'Always been man mad'

I missed that gem @IndieTara. I totally agree, OP is very judgmental and no idea what this thread goes to achieve except am that she doesn’t feel she can gossip in real life about this so gets an illicit thrill from posting here.

Also what’s with the ‘glam’ hotel? Sounds like jealousy.