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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how often you orgasm with your partner?

124 replies

lockdownlass · 12/04/2020 22:35

Are the majority of men inherently selfish when it comes to sex and satisfying a partner?

I've just split up with my recent boyfriend for this - amongst lots of other reasons. All relationships I have had, with the exception of my first, have been selfish when it comes to sex. They will fall asleep straight after they've finished, are more interested in their own needs, they find it tiresome or cannot be bothered to finish me if it's been going on for any length of time. I've expressed this to multiple partners, discussed what I enjoy and how to get me off, I have tried not to be critical and instead make suggestions. Showed them myself what I enjoy in an attempt to be sexy but also demonstrate to them.

Are most men just lazy / selfish when it comes to satisfying their partners? Am I just meeting the wrong men?

OP posts:
Notdonna · 12/04/2020 22:38

I think once men are satisfied that’s it for them so you have to come first. Ensure your needs are addressed prior to theirs!

DontStandSoCloseToMe · 12/04/2020 22:39

You're dating the wrong men, and it's not just about some kind of magic skills, it's about giving a shit about their partner and not just satisfying themselves and going to sleep. TBF it's often me that's quick off the mark rather than DH which wasn't necessarily the case in other relationships, but previous partners even if I wasn't done when they were, would try something else. Stop having sex with twats.

Original poster
lockdownlass · 12/04/2020 22:39

I have tried to express this and say that I need to finish first, but they either get fed up because it is taking a while, really can't be bothered or just keep trying to enter me repeatedly until I eventually give in!

OP posts:
livefornaps · 12/04/2020 22:40

You gotta lay it on the line and make it clear from the off that baby's gotta get back.

DontStandSoCloseToMe · 12/04/2020 22:41

I think once men are satisfied that’s it for them so you have to come first. Ensure your needs are addressed prior to theirs

Nonsense they might need some penis respite for a bit but there are other skills they can employ if they choose to

Titsywoo · 12/04/2020 22:43

Everytime pretty much unless my head isn't in the right place for it. DH is incredibly good at making sure I orgasm first.

PierceHawthornesSexDungeon · 12/04/2020 22:43

You are meeting the wrong men

TheWordmeister · 12/04/2020 22:44

Blimey. You need to find someone good in bed. Not normal.

Titsywoo · 12/04/2020 22:44

Oh and DH can keep hard after orgasm for about 5-10 mins. Something to do with pelvic floor exercises apparently. So if he does come first it's not an issue.

ScarfLadysBag · 12/04/2020 22:45

Every time! DH would never leave me high and dry GrinYou need better men.

Herecomestreble1 · 12/04/2020 22:45

Every time. DH is a talented chap. You are giving the time of day to the wrong men. Your needs matter too!!

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 12/04/2020 22:48

Dp is the most unselfish in bed, he always makes sure I orgasm... I have trouble getting him to mind, not through want if trying but he has a very particular set of circs in which he will orgasm and often things become uncomfortable for him long before then...

Any tips welcome! Please

Bluebooby · 12/04/2020 22:49

The last six years or so - never. Before that he made more effort. Luckily we don't have sex more than once a year anymore. Our relationship is great.

Wildlingyoumakemyheartsing · 12/04/2020 22:49

Not every time because sometimes I'm not in the right head space but almost every time. Prior to my Dh, I rarely would. Tbh he is just a far more considerate man than previous relationships.

cavabiensepasser · 12/04/2020 22:49

Every time. I wouldn't be having sex/in a relationship with him if I didn't.

KellyHall · 12/04/2020 22:51

Poor you!

DH will make sure my needs are met before we even get to sex, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

MouthBreathingRage · 12/04/2020 22:52

Isn't there a sex forum for this? Seemingly new poster, sex topic, posting late at night, all seems a bit dodgy.

CodenameVillanelle · 12/04/2020 22:54

Every time. I wouldn't continue to sleep with a man who didn't make sure I was satisfied before him.

Namechange4nowt45 · 12/04/2020 22:56

A good partner ensures ladys come first!
If this fails then he does his best to satisfy your needs, I've been with absolute pig for men over the years but I was very lucky to find my now husband and I can honestly say he treats me like a queen in the boudoir Grin

TheBeastInMsRooneysRoom · 12/04/2020 22:58

You've definitely been unlucky. Is this level of selfishness something that you’re putting up with outside of the bedroom? How are you getting repeatedly lumbered with selfish oafs in the bedroom? This isn’t the first place they would demonstrate that you come second to them is it?

BasicIntentions · 12/04/2020 22:59

DH has always ensured I get mine first.
Don’t tolerate mediocre sex.

YeahWhatevver · 12/04/2020 22:59

Every time, DH always makes sure I get as much as he does out of it.

Insideout99 · 12/04/2020 23:01

Pretty much always. We usually get there at the same time but if not then the other isn't far behind and we make sure we're both satisfied.

gamerchick · 12/04/2020 23:02

Nah,sort you first and if they can't be arsed then they don't get any.

Tunnocks34 · 12/04/2020 23:02

Everytime really. I can count on my hand the amount of times I’ve not - and often those times it’s probably because of my own head really. Those times my OH will ask if I want to do foreplay etc afterwards but to be honest, if I’m having an orgasm from sex, I won’t orgasm.