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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how often you orgasm with your partner?

124 replies

lockdownlass · 12/04/2020 22:35

Are the majority of men inherently selfish when it comes to sex and satisfying a partner?

I've just split up with my recent boyfriend for this - amongst lots of other reasons. All relationships I have had, with the exception of my first, have been selfish when it comes to sex. They will fall asleep straight after they've finished, are more interested in their own needs, they find it tiresome or cannot be bothered to finish me if it's been going on for any length of time. I've expressed this to multiple partners, discussed what I enjoy and how to get me off, I have tried not to be critical and instead make suggestions. Showed them myself what I enjoy in an attempt to be sexy but also demonstrate to them.

Are most men just lazy / selfish when it comes to satisfying their partners? Am I just meeting the wrong men?

OP posts:

WineOrWhine · 13/04/2020 14:47

Every time op. Every time. You need to up your standards, you should be enjoying sex as much as he is.

Smilethoyourheartisbreaking · 13/04/2020 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Asthenia · 13/04/2020 14:56

Every time with my long term partner but in the past I’ve had casual sex with a few partners and not one of them even tried to get me off 😂
I definitely think it’s more likely to happen in a relationship.

SimonJT · 13/04/2020 15:03

Virtually every time, we both take a while to orgasm from penetration, we go for who ever is being penetrated gets to orgasm first which generally works. If the other person isn’t enjoying if then you may as well just have a wank.

It isn’t a man thing, it’s having a selfish partner.

RUSU92 · 13/04/2020 15:27

100% of the time. Usually multiple times over the course of 30-40 mins. Then it’s his turn. If I don’t really feel like it and offer him a cheeky one on his own, he generally declines as he doesn’t want to be “that guy”. Not all men are selfish pricks. In fact this thread shows that most seem to be very concerned with their partners satisfaction. Don’t settle for less than the sex life you deserve.

RUSU92 · 13/04/2020 15:30

I think once men are satisfied that’s it for them so you have to come first

I agree with this to a certain extent, but not because he can’t be bothered. He just struggles to maintain consciousness and also has that moment of coming back to reality where he feels sort of guilty after he climaxes, so it takes him right out of the mood! He can say some spectacularly filthy things in the moment, but afterwards he will sheepishly apologise for being so naughty

Fluffybutter · 13/04/2020 15:31

That’s why we always make sure I’m first then after he can do what he likes 😂

Fluffybutter · 13/04/2020 15:32

@ RUSU92 oh bless him!

affor · 13/04/2020 15:56

God I'm so jealous of you all. I really struggle to orgasm in sex and not because of selfish partners. Just can't seem to let go!

But I still love sex so it doesn't bother me that it's onesided from that point of view

Outtedagain · 13/04/2020 15:59

98 % time. Stop having sex with selfish men.
2 % is because I don’t feel like it.

Original poster

lockdownlass · 13/04/2020 16:22

I am jealous of the number of women who seem to have considerate partners too! It gives me hope that I might meet one too.

Most men that I have been with aren't really interested in what pleases me, or I will explain what I like and they will either do it for 5 minutes and seemingly get bored, or steamroll through with what they think I 'should' like. Or if I say 'can you keep doing that' or 'I like it when you do this' they ignore it. I don't understand it either, I'd be mortified if I knew I was finishing every time and my partner wasn't. With my last boyfriend I got so wound up in the end, I woke him up when he started snoring and had a go at him. It still didn't make a blind bit of difference!

OP posts:

StrangerDays · 13/04/2020 16:32

Every time. He holds off (no idea how!) until I'm there, so we always orgasm together.

He doesn't have a huge sex drive though; tbh would like more sex, but kinda used to it now. He also won't do oral, at all, so he's not perfect!

steff13 · 13/04/2020 16:43

Every time.

StarlightLady · 13/04/2020 16:52

@StrangerDays - No oral would be a deal breaker for me. No oral - no entry! My body; if someone want to share it, then fine, but that’s my rules.

MrsHusky · 13/04/2020 16:54

last partner was good, always saw to my 'needs'.. but I didnt enjoy it, he was only doing it so i'd be up for sex. there was little to no foreplay or aftercare... very boring and vanilla.

current guy is a marvel.. we've had a lot of conversations about what we like/dont like.. we've played around, explored.. he gets off on seeing/hearing me enjoying myself so spends a LOT of time driving me absolutely crazy.. communication is absolutely key.

StrangerDays · 13/04/2020 17:02

@StarlightLady I can totally understand that!

Luckily he's amazing in lots of other ways and puts up with me so I'm happy to compromise on that aspect of our sex life :)

KenDodd · 13/04/2020 17:08

Every time. Well 49 times out of 50.

Fishcakey · 13/04/2020 22:06

Every time unless I am sloshed!

MaryShelley1818 · 13/04/2020 22:11

99% of the time. He is absolutely amazing in bed :)

PippaPegg · 13/04/2020 22:16

OP raise your standards. Someone who is happy to treat you like that isn't partner material. Right?

In a loving relationship I'd say it's normal for it to be every time. Otherwise it's using you like a blow up doll which is grim AF and seriously betrays not viewing women as actual people..

Krisskrosskiss · 13/04/2020 22:20

Almost every time. Probably only a few times in the 7 years weve been together that I havent... and that wasnt because he didnt try but because I was either drunk (any level of alcohol makes me not really bothered about coming) or I just didnt feel like it but was happy to have sex for his benefit. Do not expect anything less (unless you are aware you have some kind of issue that makes it very hard for you to climax)
I've had selfish ridiculous partners in the past who insisted that women just magically orgasmed for them as soon as they put their dick inside them... insisted there was something up with me for expecting them to put any effort into making me cum...
Life is far too short for that nonsense. There are men out there who get turned on by giving pleasure to women... loads of men because that is what is normal... not pump and dump dickheads.
Honestly just dump any man who doesnt at least try and give you pleasure on the regular. Sometime guys might not know exactly what to do but you can tell if the enthusiasm is there, if theres enthusiasm for giving you pleasure that's something you can work with even of they dont quite know what they are doing... dont entertain guys who just cant be arsed and just want to get off on you like you were a sex doll or something.

OntheWaves40 · 13/04/2020 22:23

I don’t think you are necessarily meeting the wrong men. I do think a lot of the issues lie with us women. Ok I blame the men but some women don’t do us any favours. They fake it and allow men to get away with crap sex and condition them to think women orgasm by them sticking their penis in for 5 minutes. Some may, but most don’t.

Cautionsharpblade · 14/04/2020 00:02

Mumsnet has been a real eye opener for me. I had no idea that a lot of women don’t orgasm from PIV sex, or that if takes a long time to reach climax. For me it happens quickly and often, so looking back it’s hard to say if men have been selfish in bed or not, as I’ve been easily pleased. Nobody’s ever commented on it so I presumed my experience was the same as everyone else’s. Also I like it when they fall asleep.

StarlightLady · 14/04/2020 07:12

@StrangerDays - As long as you are happy and content! It does seem such a pity though. I’m not going to pretand to understand those who won’t.

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