To speak to someone about this? Even though it could end up bad

[mugoverandover]

I've had the worst night of my life, not slept a wink,
I love in a flat where it's 2 up 2 down,
My downstairs neighbour split up with her partner a few month ago from abuse,
I think she's always been a bit of an alcoholic, she rings me most weekends but I ignore the call because she literally just drunk talks for hours. She has 2 children 3 & 14,
Last night she got so drunk she's burnt her gazebo in our shared garden, burnt loads of random rubbish on the grass, all the fire pretty much went out but I couldn't sleep for worry and I looked out of my DS's bedroom window at 6.30am and she was flat out asleep on the pavement in the back garden about half a meter away from a bit of flame still burning, I went down and got her to stand up, put her inside and to bed, her children are asleep but her back door had been absolutely wide open, I locked it and posted the key,
I'm worried for children, but I'm also worried for her,
What do I do?

She won't be sober again yet. Have you checked her dc were/are ok? I doubt they slept throughout the episode and they will be damaged by her drinking. You only see part of their life. If she has managed to get rid of an abusive ex she will be viewed positively in her efforts to parent her dc. However she does need support and counselling if she drinks and is angry enough to start fires. What if you had not been there to help?

OP well do to you for caring for those children and seeing the bigger picture.Their mother obviously needs help however she can ask for it but those kiddies can't. Imagine she set fire to something in the house. Likely you wouldn't be able to help the kids ever again. I don't know what happens with SS however should the kids have to go into foster care in order mum can be helped then that's the way it has to be. As the child of alcoholic father, thank you, I wish our neighbours had helped.

She's not sober! If she got in a car now you'd probably be up in arms.
Her reasons make no sense and are just excuses. There is no reason to behave like that. Report and keep reporting.

Are you sure, OP, that her partner was abusive? It's odd that she set fire to the gazebo on purpose while drunk.
Drunk people tend to act out without filters, thus revealing their true mind. Drink doesn't make people do things they don't want to.

As a child of two alcoholic parents I implore you to report this.It sounds very much like my childhood

I too grew up in a home with violence and alcoholism. There times I wished someone would come and rescue my Mum, sister and I. By the age of 14, I was sleeping with a 10inch carving knife under my bed, for protection. I look back now and it was my normal.

I wish things had been different. Wish someone had stepped in.

So glad OP that you are that person.

“There WERE times”

Its also really important to recognise that she might seem fine to you this morning but in all probability you may well have never seen her sober, or at least a few drinks up. If this is a long-term problem she has got used to hiding how pissed she is in front of other adults. Her children will tell a different story. Which is why you have to take some responsibility and report this, despite how 'normal' she seems today.

This thread has made me really angry. OP have you actually reported this, to a live person in authority?

The gazebo fire is alarming enough in itself, that no-one thought to call the fire brigade. The fact she was unconscious in the garden later, would have prompted me to call an ambulance - the paramedics would then have raised a safeguarding concern regarding the children and the duty SW wold have taken some action then and there. And yes, I know she was only drunk, and I know the ambulance service are under massive pressure at the moment, but someone in that state could be at serious risk of harm.

Op please do not listen to @balmytissues - although they may have had a bad experience with ss, this isn't true for all. Having a word will do fuck all with your neighbour! What a ridiculous thing to even say! Those children sound neglect and put in bloody danger. She passed out next to a fucking fire for gods sake. What happens next time and the toddler wakes in the night? Will the toddler come to harm?

Sorry @balmytissues but I'm so bloody shocked at your response on here "not ideal" etc. Are you even reading what the op said? There are children In The house!!!

Op you must get hold of ss or ring 101 and report your concerns. This is why children come to harm and go under the radar because no one does anything. I hope you have tried ringing back since it went to answer phone.

Sorry didn't mean my typing to come out in bold

Sorry I didn't expect to get so many responses, I slept for a bit of the afternoon because I was so tired and spent the rest with my DS for Easter, SS called back after the voicemail, I told them everything I knew what happened last night etc. I don't know what their going to do now but she's still here and phoned me earlier to apologise for last night

I am so happy that you called, it wouldn't have been an easy thing to do but you really did do the right thing. Hope you get a better sleep tonight. You should sleep soundly, knowing you have done all you could do.

Huge well done for phong and telling them everything, it’s not on you now and it’s on them to assess her and decide.

Have you thought about telling her what you've done? Could it realistically have been anyone else who reported what you saw?

It feels like if she's called to apologise then she feels bad and considers you a friend. I think I'd have to tell her

Well done for phoning.

Some messed up advice in here though
The thing is you (someone who has seen something like this) are now holding a part of the jigsaw, a piece of information that could help complete a picture. Look back at any tragic case that was subject to a serious case review and there are always people who come forward (professionals and members or the public) and say 'oh we seen/heard something but didn't think it was important'.

You won't get an update, your part is done.

Also, people saying things like "well I sat next to a social worker on a bus once, they will/won't take the kids' means nothing because you don't know what picture is being put together.

And never bother 'reporting' to the nspcc. They are just a completely pointless extra step.

And dont ever tell someone you are going to report them. That only gives them time to get their story straight.

Well done for calling, don't think of it as reporting her, you acted appropriately out of concern to get help for her family. SS getting in contact may well be the wake up call she needs. They are not going to take the children away if she can show that she can engage with support and keep them safe

Balmytissues that is not true! SS will remove children from a situation where there is an immediate risk of harm to them, not where there is a concern that can be dealt with. I have had to report concerns to SS a few times in my work, a few times they immediately closed the case which I felt was the wrong decision but in the cases where SS did step in they worked with the families and supported them and in none of those cases were the children removed - this includes alcoholic single mothers. Please don't spread fear, people being scared of contacting social services is what keeps children in harmful situations

Well done for reporting OP. You found it difficult, but it is the right thing.

I’m glad you reported this. It’s a surprisingly hard thing to do. SS will not swoop in and take children unless there is an immediate risk, hopefully she will have the self awareness to realise what she’s doing. It seems like such a no brainer to step in when children are in danger...but we don’t. I had to do it on a neighbour once, it took 3 years of serious behaviour before her children were removed, there were so many people turning a blind eye and saying they didn’t want to get involved. After she overdosed and the children were found in terrifying circumstances the children were finally removed. If the people who didn’t want to get involved had done over the years those little children could have been saved a very traumatic dangerous life.

mugoverandover
You certainly aren't a mug as your name suggests. You sound like a lovely caring person and hopefully this family get the help they need.

Don't tell your neighbour or other neighbour who is friendlier with her what you did. It will only cause difficulties for you with them.
Well done 💐

Please don't spread fear, people being scared of contacting social services is what keeps children in harmful situations

100% right.

Well done, OP - you did the right thing. Even if this were to eventually lead to someone else looking after her children, that would be because she hadn't changed her behaviour to keep her children safe, not because you spoke to social services. Their whole family sounds like they could do with some extra support after a clearly difficult time with the abusive ex partner, and hopefully they will get it soon. You've done what you can to help them.