To speak to someone about this? Even though it could end up bad

[mugoverandover]

I've had the worst night of my life, not slept a wink,
I love in a flat where it's 2 up 2 down,
My downstairs neighbour split up with her partner a few month ago from abuse,
I think she's always been a bit of an alcoholic, she rings me most weekends but I ignore the call because she literally just drunk talks for hours. She has 2 children 3 & 14,
Last night she got so drunk she's burnt her gazebo in our shared garden, burnt loads of random rubbish on the grass, all the fire pretty much went out but I couldn't sleep for worry and I looked out of my DS's bedroom window at 6.30am and she was flat out asleep on the pavement in the back garden about half a meter away from a bit of flame still burning, I went down and got her to stand up, put her inside and to bed, her children are asleep but her back door had been absolutely wide open, I locked it and posted the key,
I'm worried for children, but I'm also worried for her,
What do I do?

Have you called the out of hours number yet? Those children are still at risk. They might be going hungry whilst she sleeps off the alcohol.
You are putting yourself at risk by discussing this with her friend. You have to call SS and discussing it with third parties will only ensure that she finds out for sure that it was you who called.
Put your big girl pants on and call them!

As someone who grew up in a household who's mother turned into an alcoholic when my father died at age 7.. please call SS and try to help these children. I know it's horrid to have to report someone but those kids need protection.. food in the bellies and a safe home, I dare say (from experience) drink will take priority over food and these kids are seeing things they just shouldn't. Heartbreaking 🙁

That was a twatty thing to say, what else is a crying emoji for if not to illustrate crying. Ignore that, op x

Cross posted. Glad you called op!
I doubt a blind drunk woman can really care for her children.
If you feel able to go down and see if everything is ok.
I'm sorry your Easter morning is not as relaxed as it should be.

To be frank you should have called the police last night when she was burning things, drunk in her garden.

She could have burned the flat down.

If you can’t get hold of SS, the other option is to call the Police. If she is so drunk that she is passed out cold, there are issues of child neglect/endangerment. SS might take several days to get back to you, however if the kids are in immediate danger then phone the police.

They will attend, assess the mother’s fitness to care for the kids, take action if necessary (arrest) and do referrals to SS. It will get the kids in the system much quicker.

I know you don’t want her to get into trouble or have her arrested, but would you be able to live with yourself if she got flat out drunk and burnt the flat down with the kids inside? Or some other horrific accident happened?

This family really needs help, and unfortunately it might require police/SS intervention to get that help

You’ve done the right thing. It’s the only thing at this point. Well done for getting her inside and the house locked.
The kids won’t starve if one is 14, they will be fine until social services sort this out. Sadly the 14yr old is probably very resilient, so sad. Saying you’re not as upset as you put a crying face on is a very bizarre comment / judgment to make. Especially when you’ve said it was the worse night of your life and you’ve not slept. I think you’re being a great neighbour and these children will thank you eventually for stepping in

Keep trying the out of hours number. If it has gone to voicemail it may mean they are out dealing with something else. You need to ensure the protection of the children.

I agree with everyone here. You must phone SS, these children are in grave danger. Please don't hesitate and try not to feel bad about it, you'll feel worse if she sets the house on fire in one of her drunken stupors, and kills herself and her children. She needs a wake up call, and those children deserve to live in a safe environment.

Child of an alcoholic here. Ring social services now and ring them with every incident.
I was never taken into care but I definitely should have been. No one bothered to report it despite me telling friends, friends parents, teachers and the police arresting my dad several times for drink driving. He also started fires by smoking, falling asleep and setting fire to the curtains. Those kids are in danger. Report, report, report.

Thanks everyone, I'll make sure it gets seen to and keep trying SS

I don't agree with calling the police. They are heavy handed and not able to handle the situation sensitively. Plus if you were going to call the police the time would have been last night, not now. She'll just be sleeping it off. The last thing the kids need to see is police arresting their mum. It wouldn't be a straight arrest because there's no crime being committed - it would be a 136 under mental health which would leave the kids immediately without a parent (assuming no family nearby) and in care, possibly separately.

the kids won't be hungry, the older one will have fed them. Obviously that's not what should be happening and needless to say it's a very sad state of affairs.

Report to SS, of course, and ASAP. But don't involve the police.

Call SS.

Its not inevitable that they will just 'take the children away'. They will fast tarck her to servcies that can help her. They may remove the children for their own safety for a period of time- but they will have to (by law0 out services and support in place for her to access.

Just be careful what you decide to do. We all know the statistics on how well children in foster care fare out... Sometimes, it's better the devil you know.
Ideally, I'd knock on her door later on and tell her that if she doesn't sort her shit out, that you will be calling social services. I'd give her a pretty stern bollocking, but give her some time to get her act together.
If she's just out of an abusive relationship, abusive though he was, she might be just cracking under the pressure right now.
SS WILL very likely remove the children if you tell them what you know. That could then spiral her even further and that's it - that's her life fucked and the children stuck in foster care.
Give her a warning and a chance would be my advice.

Please report it

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/reporting-abuse/report/

You could also suggest that she herself gets in touch with an addiction service and perhaps rings SS herself, to request counselling, support with the children etc.
I don't believe in reporting unless there's physical abuse (or sexual obviously, but you probably wouldn't know about that).

SS are very heavy handed and their intervention can make matters worse.

I had to report someone to SS once. It was by far the best thing for them, it forced the mother to confront her denial of the dads drug taking & he got fast tracked for help. At no point were the children removed and the father has now been drug free for years. Hope you, your neighbour and her kids are ok op.

A14 yo should not have to bear the caring responsibility of parent and sibling. Your ndn is ill and needs support. Your priority is to ensure the children are safe and well. Be there forvthem. They are unlikely to be taken away.

Actually it’s police. Try your areas web chat report what’s happened. Explain concerns for her and children and they will do welfare check and contact social services.

Are you housing association too?

Do an Email to them and copy social services too.

Bouncingbelle - with respect - those were entirely different circumstances. There was one responsible parent there at all times, so the children were not in danger.
In this case, this woman is a single parent. Yes she needs support, but don't kid yourselves that if you tell SS that there was a fire in her garden and she was comatose outside in the early hours of the morning, that they would hesitate to instantly and unceremoniously remove her children. Today. With the help of police.
So OP just be careful what advice you take.

Please stop saying that the children are unlikely to be taken away. They are EXTREMELY LIKELY to be taken away immediately.

Perhaps they should be if there is an actual risk of actual fire.

Perhaps show her the picture you took? It may be the wake up call she needs.

AA are still operating their phone service and are holding meetings on zoom

In an ideal world, (and not a corona world), she might have a Mum or sister who could take the children for a night or two at the weekends, so that she could knock herself out with drink then as much as she likes. If she's alcohol dependent, she'll need help. My fear would be that if SS take the kids, she'll drink herself into a grave and the children will be in and out of foster homes. Is that an ideal solution? No it's bloody well not.

Perhaps they should be if there is an actual risk of actual fire

Which is why I suggested giving her a stern warning and time to get her act together. If she can't, then fine - knock yourselves out reporting her.