To speak to someone about this? Even though it could end up bad

[mugoverandover]

I've had the worst night of my life, not slept a wink,
I love in a flat where it's 2 up 2 down,
My downstairs neighbour split up with her partner a few month ago from abuse,
I think she's always been a bit of an alcoholic, she rings me most weekends but I ignore the call because she literally just drunk talks for hours. She has 2 children 3 & 14,
Last night she got so drunk she's burnt her gazebo in our shared garden, burnt loads of random rubbish on the grass, all the fire pretty much went out but I couldn't sleep for worry and I looked out of my DS's bedroom window at 6.30am and she was flat out asleep on the pavement in the back garden about half a meter away from a bit of flame still burning, I went down and got her to stand up, put her inside and to bed, her children are asleep but her back door had been absolutely wide open, I locked it and posted the key,
I'm worried for children, but I'm also worried for her,
What do I do?

I’m sorry OP, this sounds an awful situation and puts you in a really difficult position. Agree with pp that you shouldn’t mention to the other neighbour. The children are the priority and currently at risk. If she hears via her friend you’re reporting it may cause her to react in a way that puts them in further danger.

* No that's why I've not slept all night, my eyes are burning I've been petrified, trembling my anxiety going wild, I am going to call them thanks for the advice*

Calm down.
You are the responsible adult in this scenario. You can do it

Sorry. You’ve no choice but to report to social services. For the welfare of her children, her .... and “you and yours”. The whole house could’ve gone up, with you inside.

To be really frank-you've left a toddler and a child with a very drunk woman overnight already. There's no good you sitting worrying about whether to call ss. You absolutely must, and you must not delay it.

It’s very, very important for you to phone this in to duty social worker. Today. These children are not currently at school/ nursery. They don’t have their usual safeguarding processes in place. Neighbours are more important than ever.

SS or police. That is way way beyond a friendly intervention by friends.

Please call someone for help. That 14yo needs a responsible adult to stick up for them.

Their usual outlets to help - friends, school - are closed off to them.

If you can’t face calling social services, and I absolutely urge you to call them, then pleas at least the next time she does something like this call the police so they’ll call social services

Don’t quietly help her keep this hidden.

After my grandparents finally took us from my parents umpteen people - friends, neighbours, brownie leaders, school staff - all said how they’d wanted to call for help so many times, but didn’t. I’d had seven years of being abused and neglected. My eldest sibling had had around fifteen years of physical and emotional abuse, as well as trying to look after us. The impact on him has never been repaired.

Please. Help those kids.

Another post to confirm that you are doing the right thing by contacting SS,
The outcome could be catastrophic for those poor children and although it may be upsetting initially this neighbour needs help desperately.
Imagine if your neighbour was not being careful about hand hygiene and social distancing, which under the circumstances you describe could be possible, the whole family could catch Covid 19 and then the outcome could be even more tragic. You are being a good neighbour. Hope you get some sleep tonight.

Thank god for people like you op! You have done absolutely the right thing up until now and the next stage would be to contact SS.

It's so sad that many children are waking up excited, seeing if the Easter bunny has been and doing egg hunts ( trivial I know, but it's part of being a child ) and yet these children will wake up to a hungover mum who probably doesn't give a shit what day it is.

Please do what you can to help these children op.

Its also not over-dramatic to say we’d have literally been starved with a long period off school. The only reason we survived the holidays was my grandparents and these kids’ grandparents can’t keep an eye on them atm

If you as an adult was so traumatized by this, can you imagine how her young children felt? You have an obligation and moral duty to report this. Your first concern should be her poor children.
She sounds like she needs alot of help and it starts with being reported.
Can you imagine If she started the fire inside?

Do an online referral to social services. You aren't helping the poor kids or her by turning a blind eye. She could have set fire to the house or anything. Imagine how you'd feel if her children came to harm. Don't feel guilty at all about speaking to them on sending the info online. It's the right thing to do. They may well be known to social services anyway.

I would call the police, the kids can be PPO and she can be arrested.

I absolutely would NOT speak to the other neighbour about this.

Just call SS.

I agree OP. Please call them.

I was that child. No one called anyone for me, even though many people had seen her drunk and in a stupor.
The damage is irreparable.

www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/AA-Meetings/Find-a-Meeting/online

As a recovering alcoholic I also think it's 100% right thing to do to call social services. This must be so tough but you probably saved her life last night and the damage she is doing to those kids can also now be arrested by you speaking to social services. I've also included the link to aa online meetings, if she is willing to seek support then there is plenty available online for her. Her rock bottom doesn't have to be as low as it could have been without your intervention. She and those kids could have died. Well done for what you have done. That must have been so frightening for you.

The crying face emoji makes me feel like you are not as worried as you say you are.

Yes call SS. I've mentioned on here about calling the police re child trafficking, it was taken seriously. It's not an easy thing to do but it's the right thing todo. The children need looking after and the mum needs help.

For those posters telling the OP that children’s services won’t remove the children, they may do eventually.

If they decide to carry out a child and family assessment which reveals that the children are at risk of significant harm, and if the mother doesn’t show she can keep them safe and make changes she can sustain, the end result could well be that the children are removed.

Think of the poor children,that poor 14 year old has witnessed abuse and is now trying to raise both his sister and himself,his anxiety must be through the roof,the 3 year old must just think this horrendous situation is normal.

You don’t have an option here, you must call ss

I definitely wouldn’t be discussing this with anybody. Your other neighbour will tell her you talked to her about it. When SS come knocking on her door she will come knocking on yours.

This is awful.

I have called it went to voicemail so I left a message, why does a crying face mean I'm not worried?
All I've done is cry all night thinking I've done the wrong thing by putting her inside her home and locking her home so their safer, she gets like this a lot and is always fine after a few hours sleep and back in the garden being normal, she works for the nhs also but not in a hospital or specifically dealing with patients,
Now I have to pretend I've slept because my own DS is awake and opening his Easter gifts 😴 makes me sad because I could never do anything like that to my own this is why I don't drink