To speak to someone about this? Even though it could end up bad

[mugoverandover]

I've had the worst night of my life, not slept a wink,
I love in a flat where it's 2 up 2 down,
My downstairs neighbour split up with her partner a few month ago from abuse,
I think she's always been a bit of an alcoholic, she rings me most weekends but I ignore the call because she literally just drunk talks for hours. She has 2 children 3 & 14,
Last night she got so drunk she's burnt her gazebo in our shared garden, burnt loads of random rubbish on the grass, all the fire pretty much went out but I couldn't sleep for worry and I looked out of my DS's bedroom window at 6.30am and she was flat out asleep on the pavement in the back garden about half a meter away from a bit of flame still burning, I went down and got her to stand up, put her inside and to bed, her children are asleep but her back door had been absolutely wide open, I locked it and posted the key,
I'm worried for children, but I'm also worried for her,
What do I do?

DO NOT tell anyone one, especially her friend! That you have called SS.

If this happens again (or something similar) you need to call the police straight away to deal with the situation.

Keep trying SS, someone will pick up eventually.

Those poor kids.

I can't believe some people are telling the OP not to report this to SS.
I'd call the police because she's a risk to the neighbours too.

I'd potentially call the police to do a welfare check on the kids too if she was still unconscious when you helped her into the flat. How is she going to care for them in that state? Explain what you've had to do re. The door and the issues with the fire. They'll report on to SS too. There's a good chance there's already services involved if there was violence in the household but it's still worth a report to SS too alongside the police call. They're there to support, which it sounds like this family are badly in need of.

Well you would believe why I'm telling you if you knew what I know about the effect of social services intervention on families. It is not some benevolent force, who swoop in like so many Mary Poppins.
No - they will call police, arrive at her door and remove her children. She will then be subjected to months of court hearings to try to get her children back, all the while, trying to kick alcohol on the head. She will likely fail, as the heartbreak of not having her children and of court cases and SS involvement can break the most stoic of mothers. I've seen it happen.
And what happens to the children. They go into foster care - and we all know how idyllic a life that brings...

it's still worth a report to SS too alongside the police call. They're there to support
You have NO. IDEA. how wrong you are in that statement.
They're there to cover their own arses. The are the long arm of the law in relation to children.
I think half of you haven't lived if you think they're going to come in, sit down, have a cup of tea, and suggest she attends alcohol treatment. LOL. Grow up.

If you're calling the police you don't need to call SS because they'll raise that themselves.

But I really strongly think police is a bad idea.

Balmytissues, your response to this is very worrying. Do you really think a stern chat with her will suddenly make her see the error of her ways and become a capable parent? If so you are extremely misguided. These children need help, sadly that might come in the form of foster care but not all looked after children have a terrible time in the system. Foster care is often a lifeline and the very thing that saves a child, physically and emotionally. As for the Mum, sadly this may cause her distress however the children are the priority here. The OP is doing the right thing by reporting, these children should not be left at risk.

And what happens to the children. They go into foster care - and we all know how idyllic a life that brings.

She could have set fire to the house, or killed herself drinking this night, or someone could have taken the children while asleep.
Sounds great.
As another pp mentioned, she may not even care about giving her children food.

OP, I am a recovering alcoholic.

Lockdown is making everything worse and worse for those of us with addiction issues. And as pointed out by a PP, the DC are not being seen by other professionals who would report.

Is the father(s?) on the scene at all? If SS feel the children need to be removed for their own safety then the father would normally be the first port of call.

A family I know were left for years with drug abuse and neglect ongoing, while they were referred repeatedly for parenting courses and advised to make changes. The children were only removed when there was evidence of class A drugs found in their hair. They are not child snatchers, they typically aim to keep families together as far as is possible. Yes there's one or two bad ones, as in all professions, but the vast majority work in the best interests of the child which typically means trying to keep them together as a first port of call unless they're in immediate danger. You've obviously had a poor experience Balmytissues, but that doesn't mean that SS are the devil incarnate in all cases.

Well tensmum1964 if you would be happy to see your children put into foster care - please do tell me about it. Because from the myriad of statistics on it, it leaves children worse off than if they were with a less than ideal parent. Give her a warning and then she won't have the loss of her children to deal with on top of addressing her alcohol issue. Or report and give yourself a pat on the back. It's no skin of my nose - I don't know the woman - but I do know similar cases and the women suffer incredible injustices. Even being sober for a year, they still might not get their children back. Just the way it is.

Contact the police today, let them deal with the social services referral.

The police will come out today to check on the children. SS may not come out for a week.

OP! You are a good neighbour and a kid friend. but please, delete the photograph you took of your neighbour passed out. I imagine you wanted to have it to show SS , but it is a very intrusive thing to have done to a woman whose life is already in a desperate state and was in no state to agree to being photographed. I'm sure your eyewitness account of the situation will be enough to get the family the help they need.

For a start, the woman has managed to get rid of an abusive partner. It was not her fault that he was abusive, but yet the responsibility lay with her to get rid of him. Which she has done. For whatever reason, she got blotto last night. So her next challenge is putting the lid on the bottle. Setting fire to your gazebo while burning waste, isn't ideal - but was it done when she was drunk or was it just an accident?

Kind friend.

You need to report her . The children deserve better

Why do the police need to come and "check on the children" how frightening for the kids. OP can check on them.

Any child of alcoholic parent/s will beg you to intervene.

As the child of two functioning alcoholics, I second this.

The older child will be having to look after the younger, and his/her mother - and that includes listening to her drunken weeping and complaints and apologies, cleaning up when she vomits/ pisses herself, cooking meals, keeping them in clean clothes etc - it is a horrible burden for anyone - for a child it is beyond dreadful.

Please contact social services - or perhaps the NSPCC, though I'm not sure what they are able to d at present.

Any child of alcoholic parent/s will beg you to intervene

I once taught a child who reported herself to social services for this reason.

I wouldnt ring police but you need to do something. Uniformed police turning up could be very traumatic for children. First thing i would be doing is going round to check children are ok and sorting them some breakfast and let them see someone cares. Sad situation and a really difficult call to make..

For God's sake do not try and give this woman a 'stern warning'. If that was all it took then there'd be millions of alcoholics free from their addictions, thankful that someone had told them off in time. Forget AA, forget rehab, all I needed to get sober was my neighbour giving me a dressing down and I was cured....
Yes this woman has done well getting out of an abusive relationship but she's now the one putting her children at risk and there needs to be an intervention. Things will not improve for her until she gets help but more importantly they will never improve for her children if she continues to behave like this with no consequence.
I speak from experience unfortunately.

Social Services may place the children in temporary foster care. But sometimes family members are asked to take the children first. I know because I am a grandparent carer and have stayed one for sixteen years. Drink came before the children and neglect follows from that. Your neighbour placed the children in danger by setting the fire. It has been all over TV about idiots starting fires particularly when it has been so dry. It was a very bad judgement call and it could have spread to people's homes. Imagine if she had burnt to death during the night.

Its often what may have happened that is taken into consideration. Please don't see it as a bad thing reporting because it will give the children a calm environment where they are looked after for a short term. It will also give your neighbour breathing space. However, as the social worker in our case told us, sometimes the mother can hit rock bottom because there are no children there to check her drinking. It can effectively go the other way. But that is her choice as an adult. The children are the vulnerable party.

But this is not your concern op. I hope the authorities act quickly for the children, your neighbour and yourself who has been put in harm's way as well.

She's awake now, I don't know how she does it she must of had 3-4 hours sleep and she's not drunk anymore up with the kids and let the cat in, she set fore to it on purpose she knows she's a binge drinker but because she does it when the kids are in bed she thinks she's ok, last night was out of character for her because she was In shock that she was alone in the dark garden with the other neighbour that smashed her head and went unconscious she thought she was dead and knocked on my door crying saying please help me, she was left on her own after that and because she was drunk she was blaming the gazebo for causing trouble so set fire to it, I'm not excusing her behaviour I'm just giving a clearer picture of her reason

Yes she is still drunk after that short time period, she is just good at covering it up.
Those poor children, please keep trying the out of hours.

1 in 5 children are effected by their parents’ drinking. Children of alcoholics often blame themselves and have to deal with huge burdens.

There is an amazing charity who help
www.nacoa.org.uk/concerned-others-and-professionals.html