To have another baby when this is all over?

[Wineandcakequeen]

I’ve name changed as my friends and family are on here and I haven’t spoken to anyone about it yet, so...
Is there anyone else thinking of having another baby when this is all over as a ‘life is too short’ decision when they may have felt done before now/couldn’t for various reasons?
I’ve wanted another baby for 8 years but I have been single all that time and actually found my ex husband cheating whilst we had been ttc, so my baby days were cut short not by choice. I considered all my options and went down the sperm donation route last year. My first donation didn’t work and it hit me as I was taking the pregnancy test that maybe I was making a mistake. I have two children nearing the teenage years and I felt that I was being selfish bringing a new baby into the mix, particularly without a father. I was gutted the test was negative but relieved at the same time.
Since the corona situation has kicked off its made me look at life in a different way and I feel like I should go for what I want regardless of the negatives because life really is too short. I’m late 30s now and time is running out to decide. I haven’t met anyone in 8 years so chances of that happening in my remaining child bearing time is low. It’s a now (after lockdown) or never for me.
My only hold backs are giving my children less time as there wouldn’t be a father to pass the baby to and of course raising a baby alone on purpose has many negatives. My family won’t be supportive as they don’t agree with donations/surrogacy/adoption etc etc. I keep holding myself back feeling the negatives outweigh the positives but if I continue to then I may regret not going for it.
I mentioned it briefly to a friend by text who said it’s the boredom of lockdown and my baby hormones as my last opportunity is coming up. It made me feel defensive.
I’m interested to see how many ladies could be feeling the same and plan to go for it when they can or if you agree that it is just a hormonal/overthinking thing and shouldn’t happen.

Your defensive attitude says it all really. You are thinking of your wants and yours only regardless of the risks.

And just to add, I did post about my experience, one where I got to be grateful not to have a 3rd child in similar circumstances yet with a partner but it's clearly not what you want to hear.

I used to think I had a strong pessimistic streak, but I realise I'm a real optimist when I read these replies. Humans in the western world have never had it so good. Life expectancy, living standards, safety - all have improved massively since the last World War. And to whoever mentioned zero hour contracts, food banks, children living in poverty in the UK - please do some research on how the poor lived until less than 100 years ago. Life was much worse for the poor then (no, I'm not saying they have it easy nowadays).
The changes climate change will bring do look scary, but every generation has been confronted with dire predictions for their future. Not having children only because of climate change, when no one really knows how it will turn out, makes for a sad life.

As for overpopulation, the birth rate in the UK is extremely low, which is why we have immigration. And immigrants quickly have similar carbon footprints as the British.

@ElektraPlektra yes I know there were poor people 100 years ago but that doesn't make it better that so many people are so poor now does it? More and more food banks are needed so things are getting worse not better. Life expectancy has improved but that is not always a good thing when you see elderly people with virtually no quality of life. Living to be 90, 95, 100 or older is hardly great if you have lots of health issues especially dementia plus I really do not want to be old and in a care home.

I think things were better when I was young. No zero hours, no stupidly low minimum wage. People think that minimum wage is a good thing but it really isn't in a lot of cases. I earned a very good wage 20 years ago working in an office. The same job today actually pays quite a lot less.

The birth rate may be low in the UK (although hard to believe when you see all the families with 3 or more children) but it needs to be lower.

There are far too many people in the UK. Places are so crowded. The NHS can't cope, the education system can't cope, the transport can't cope, GP surgeries can't cope, Councils don't have the money to repair roads etc. The roads are absolutely crammed and I expect to see gridlock in the not too distant future.

It's not being pessimistic but realistic. It makes me laugh how people so determined to have children change things to suit their own agenda. Also all the rubbish about the urge to have a child. We are humans with a brain which we can and should use especially when thinking about something as important as bringing a child into the world.

There are far too many people in the UK. Places are so crowded. The NHS can't cope, the education system can't cope, the transport can't cope, GP surgeries can't cope, Councils don't have the money to repair roads etc. The roads are absolutely crammed and I expect to see gridlock in the not too distant future

It's not being pessimistic but realistic. It makes me laugh how people so determined to have children change things to suit their own agenda. Also all the rubbish about the urge to have a child. We are humans with a brain which we can and should use especially when thinking about something as important as bringing a child into the world

This.

It's 100% your decision.
No point asking us on MN, we won't be babysitting, getting up for night feeds, nappy changing, etc
Good luck whichever you choose

Some people on here need to travel a bit more widely. We have it very good indeed compared to lots of other countries in the world. Some on here think we're living in Max Max world with Waitrose access.

I know a lady... slightly different circumstances in that her 3rd baby was conceived from a short relationship/ 1 night stand (not really sure which) but same large age gap, father not involved. Her older boys love the baby and help her out a lot. She is doing great

@IPityThePontipines yes things are better in the UK than in a lot of the world but that certainly does not mean it's all great does it?

Do you not acknowledge the poverty, the overcrowding, the fact that so many services can't cope?

I think you are the one that needs to open their eyes and see there are many many problems in the UK none of which are likely to be resolved any time soon if ever and many more problems to come with climate change etc.

Hi OP, I say this as an oldest child with a 16 year gap to my youngest sibling while my mum was a LP. I HATED it. I hated the fact that it meant we had less money, because now mum's wages were split between 4 people now. I hated having to babysit while mum worked which meant missing out on events. I hated having so much responsibility while I was in uni. I hated that having a younger child meant there was soo much we could now not do as a family. I hated the loss of attention and added distractions to my life. I could go on, but you get the picture.

I'm not close to my sibling because we're so different in ages and I moved out so I wouldn't have to be their backup mum all the time. You may be financially sound now, but what about in 5 years, when the older kids start expecting pocket money and have activities. What about driving and uni? What if the new child has moderate to serious additional needs and you need to quit your job to cope. What if you have complications from childbirth?

If you had no kids yet, that would be one thing. However, I would suggest you really think about the cons in this one, because they may end up affecting your older kids more than you.