To have another baby when this is all over?

[Wineandcakequeen]

I’ve name changed as my friends and family are on here and I haven’t spoken to anyone about it yet, so...
Is there anyone else thinking of having another baby when this is all over as a ‘life is too short’ decision when they may have felt done before now/couldn’t for various reasons?
I’ve wanted another baby for 8 years but I have been single all that time and actually found my ex husband cheating whilst we had been ttc, so my baby days were cut short not by choice. I considered all my options and went down the sperm donation route last year. My first donation didn’t work and it hit me as I was taking the pregnancy test that maybe I was making a mistake. I have two children nearing the teenage years and I felt that I was being selfish bringing a new baby into the mix, particularly without a father. I was gutted the test was negative but relieved at the same time.
Since the corona situation has kicked off its made me look at life in a different way and I feel like I should go for what I want regardless of the negatives because life really is too short. I’m late 30s now and time is running out to decide. I haven’t met anyone in 8 years so chances of that happening in my remaining child bearing time is low. It’s a now (after lockdown) or never for me.
My only hold backs are giving my children less time as there wouldn’t be a father to pass the baby to and of course raising a baby alone on purpose has many negatives. My family won’t be supportive as they don’t agree with donations/surrogacy/adoption etc etc. I keep holding myself back feeling the negatives outweigh the positives but if I continue to then I may regret not going for it.
I mentioned it briefly to a friend by text who said it’s the boredom of lockdown and my baby hormones as my last opportunity is coming up. It made me feel defensive.
I’m interested to see how many ladies could be feeling the same and plan to go for it when they can or if you agree that it is just a hormonal/overthinking thing and shouldn’t happen.

Op there are some harsh responses on here. It’s your decision, pick out the posters who have provided their views considerately and reflect on them. It’s not like you don’t have a bit of time

Op - I’d forget about the thread at this stage and do what you want! Who cares what anyone thinks really haha.

Having a baby now wouldn’t be that bad, there has always been threats to the world - Climate change has always been coming for us, there’s been wars, terrorist threats, a pandemic could have come any time and could come again - it also may be a really long time til something like this happens again (maybe not in our lifetime - who knows) there’s always been recessions throughout the years - i want to have a baby and my own family and we will adapt to the world we live in like people have always done? There are children born into war zones - being born into a life where you have to stay inside for a bit in a warm house with your parents at home all day is fine - compared to being born into a place where your house may get bombed

Nobody knows what the future holds but life is too short to be so worried about things - do what you want / what makes you happy and forget about everyone else’s thoughts!!

Thanks both of you I truly appreciate the kind comments they are the ones that help me think it through properly. Chances are likely I won’t have another because the negatives pop into my head more than the positives but I may not make that choice for years when I know things are more stable.
To attack someone for being left a single mum and doing their best being both parents is disgusting. I’d love nothing more than for my girls to have a good dad in their life and for any potential baby to have a dad, but life doesn’t always work out like that, to assume it makes me happy is insulting I shouldn’t have to defend my situation. I hope you judgemental twats have back up plans incase your husband leaves you a lone parent one day.

I’m the opposite - I have 2 and this has made me more sure I don’t want a 3rd!

I'm in exactly the same boat as you OP- in fact I googled donor sperm today. I'm aware that hormones play a massive part in this (I'm 37) but I think that my 2DC would benefit from a sibling, and that I am in a better position than I've ever been to emotionally, financially and physically care for a child. Of course, having children is probably the ultimate selfish act- but that becomes more nuanced when you already have children. (I had an unexpected sibling, and I'd be bloody lost without him.)

Good luck Auda it’s nice to find someone feeling the same finally! How old are your children?

Wine mid-teen and late primary age. I am between two minds completely, but as you said upthread- I tend to regret the stuff I haven't done, not the stuff I did.

Oh lord. Yes, life is too short. I shall be having champagne instead of milk with my cornflakes from now on (until my supplies run out).

That is very true I think we should all live in a way that means we won’t regret things later in life but it is hard to decide isn’t it. I’ve been having this war with myself over it for 8 years and keep going backwards and forwards, if I was going to I probably would have done it by now so I’m not sure. I say go for it (without being biased!) or you’ll end up overthinking it like I have! we need good people in the world for the next generation

No I wouldnt purely on the impact it will have on your tween girls. It's a difficult age for them when they really need time and attention of a mum entering teens. Enjoy your girls and go and do fab non baby friendly stuff once isolation is over

You've clearly already made up your mind so I don't know why you bothered asking.

No I haven’t, I’m not sure why you wasted your time posting that.

Disagree. Actually, children born today will likely have the best outlook of nearly any generation born previously

I am amazed that there are foolish people who actually believe this when there is eveidence to the contrary literally all around us.

@koshkatt Agree. Possibly the most ignorant comment I've ever seen on Mumsnet.

I am amazed that there are foolish people who actually believe this when there is eveidence to the contrary literally all around us

Agree. Possibly the most ignorant comment I've ever seen on Mumsnet

Where’s the proof? Did you know that historically, over 40% of children never made it to adulthood? A quarter never made it past their first year. Burying your children was exceedingly common. Even in the 1960s the child mortality rate was 15% in the UK; imagine what it was elsewhere.

The poverty rate is another data point: 44% of the world population lived in extreme poverty in 1981. Since then, the share of extremely poor people in the world has declined very fast—in fact, faster than ever before in world history. In 32 years, the share of people living in extreme poverty was divided by 4, reaching levels below 10% in 2015

ourworldindata.org/extreme-poverty

Where is your proof that things are not only somehow worse today, but will get worse? You have nothing.

I find you both extremely ignorant about the misery and poverty of people living not even a hundred years ago. You obviously take the comforts and convenience of this world much for granted. First world myopia right here.

We have reduced extreme poverty, lengthened human life spans, reduced child mortality rates by an astonishing amount, reduced the impact of natural disasters, have riches beyond the imagination of people living at this point last century. These are established facts.

What the hell do you have?

To answer another poster, yes I would say to someone thinking of having their first child that they were selfish.

Lets be honest, having children is selfish. You only have a child because you WANT one. You don't need children. The world certainly does not need more and more children.

Climate change is going to change the world and not for the better. There is no disputing that despite at least one poster denying it.

Hopefully this virus will be defeated but even if it is, as I said, all the climate change problems will still exist.

Also do none of you consider how overcrowded the UK is when you are thinking of having a child, especially if you already have 1 or 2 children?

I realise not all posters live in the UK but many do. How can you not see the overcrowding and problems every day?

Me and DH discussed at very long length whether or not to have children and decided against it. That was 40 years ago. Nothing has improved in that time. In fact things have got worse and will, undoubtedly, get even worse

Climate change is going to change the world and not for the better. There is no disputing that despite at least one poster denying it

Please quote me literally denying it. I have not.

My point is that living standards are higher than ever, even in the Global South. We have the technology and resources to deal with it, just like we do with natural disasters (which, incidentally, take fewer lives than at any point in history).

It’s good to be prepared. It’s not good to panic and throw logic out the

@MangoFeverDream are living standards really higher than ever?

So many people on minimum wage or, even worse, zero hours. Many people who will never be able to buy a house. Lots of people struggle even to rent a place. Almost a third of children in the UK live in poverty. More and more food banks opening.

Even if we have the technology to deal with climate change, and I don't think we do plus I think it's too late, not enough is going to be done to try and deal with it.

Crikey, the urge to have a child must be really strong indeed... I cannot think of a single reason why having a child in the current World would be a good thing for the child.

Sorry if this has been asked and i missed it, but what do your existing children think about this?

I'd don't think there is anything wrong with another child of you have visable means to support it financially and emotionally but if I was one of your existing children I would not be happy with this at all, in fact I'd have hated it (sorry!!!!)

That said, I'm sure there will be a load of people on now to say when they were 13 their mum had another baby and they loved it!!!

I cannot think of a single reason why having a child in the current World would be a good thing for the child.

Sadly, that's not the main factor in most people's considerations.

Sushi, having been the older sibling I hated it. No peace and quiet, no privacy, being the default baby sitter/cook/cleaner etc.

No peace and quiet, no privacy, being the default baby sitter/cook/cleaner etc

That’s a shame and sounds like it was poorly handled by your parents.

If anything I would think this situation would put people of.It highlights how demanding having a child is.
I've got a 12 yr old dd and it still feels just as demanding in a different type of way than when she was 3.
I'm a lone parent and dd is an only and I couldn't think of anything worse than having another, I'm mentally exhausted with one and quite frankly this is a shit world right now to bring any child into.

I have faith this crisis will end so I don’t think having more children is a bad idea per se.
I would caution you to really think about the impact on your girls. Children often say they want a sibling but the reality of a needy baby taking your attention when they are in their own needy teenage stage is maybe not what they envisaged. It is so unfair to you but this would be especially hard on your children as you are their only parent.