Shamed by vegan friend

[catsarelifetome]

I'm a vegetarian, and I have been since early teens. I know many vegans view vegetarians as hypocrites for still consuming animal products, and I do feel guilty about that. I buy vegan whenever possible, but due to having anaemia and a busy lifestyle it would be very hard and restrictive to adopt a vegan lifestyle 100%.

A friend I hadn't spoken to in a while messaged me to catch up the other day. She is a very strict vegan and we used to have lots of conversations about animal welfare etc. She asked if I have turned vegan yet. I said not quite, but I buy vegan as much as possible. She messaged back shame on you, please think about the poor cows and hens when you next go shopping.

It's played on my mind and I feel guilty. I haven't responded yet

It’s not bullying and if you have a modicum of sense and logic, you know it’s not.

If you need to make wild accusations to prove your point then it’s not that valid, is it?

And FWIW sending a picture of lamb? No I don’t think that’s bullying.

Are you saying that vegans never see pictures of animals or meat, ever? Are butchers bullying them? Or restaurants? Give over!

Only to be expected I'm afraid; given the issues around the origin of CV, some vegans were always going to take the opportunity to ramp up the "if only we didn't eat animals ..." to burnish their halos

Not sure why she considers herself entitled to dictate if you're a good person or not though - probably best to just avoid since she's clearly no friend anyway

Tell her to stop judging you. End of.

jkscot4 I really don’t think you understand the difference between talking about veganism and criticising people and trying to make them feel bad for eating animal products.
Would it be better if I only sent a picture in response of me in the butchers shop or eating a big juicy lamb kebab? It’s no more bullying than the person who thinks they have a right to send me a message berating me for eating meat.

Skimmed the thread. I'm vegan and think that your friend has behaved in a dickish manner - I certainly wouldn't say such things to my own friends (mostly not vegans). I wouldn't bother answering her message if I were you.

A good response if she has another attempt at guilting you is 'I'm thinking about it and will make changes to my diet in my own time. I know you mean well but it feels like a guilt trip and makes me feel less inclined to talk to you. Can we please just avoid the subject? Thanks.' Actually that response works for various applications if you switch the diet bit out

It honestly isn't important what the subject is, she values her opinion more than whether it makes you feel bad or not and she is therefor not a friend. Tell her to fuck off.

Same goes for politics or many other subjects. I have friends who I know have different views from me (another of the "they'll tell you" type) They publicly post loads of shit. I could respond to that but I don't as I still want to be friends. I can ignore because it's not specially addressed to me though.

Don't feel guilty.
You are you, your life, your choices.
Ignore if you can if not ask her to stop judging you, although that may of course produce a rant of her opinions (or may not)

If there was full scale pandemic I wonder how long she’d remain vegan ?

Actually this has reminded me of a conversation with my (born and raised Muslim) father the other day. He asked if I was still continuing with 'this vegan thing' under lockdown and I said 'Well, yes, because it's how I live, it's important to me'. He kept on insisting that I could drop it due to the crisis and I got a bit needled, to the extent that I rather bitchily asked him if he'd drop being Muslim, if push came to shove. Imagine my surprise when he entirely sincerely assured me that yes, he would, and that there's apparently a clause in Islam that allows you to completely disregard your religion if survival is on the line. No idea if it's true or not (my dad has form for talking twaddle) but it did lighten the mood somewhat

I would really have to be in extremis to drop it though, I think!

She sounds tedious. I'd continue not to respond, and be a bit slow to get back in touch with her generally. No one needs judgemental 'friends'. Does she really think it helps her cause?

I'm vegan (and a teacher, so not a good combination for MN!). I have been vegan for a long time, way before it became popular... harking back to a time before mass vegetarian and vegan food certification, when vegans were a fringe group that wore birkenstocks and hemp shirts and talked about chakras.... . In the last few years I have tried not to tell anyone about my dietary preferences. In fact, I'm aware that I am a bit embarrassed about it. I dislike the new wave of dickish vegans and don't want to be associated with them. Ignore her.

I like the sound of you catandfiddle. But you shouldn’t be embarrassed about being a vegan, the only embarrassment comes when a vegan believes their choices are superior and wants to berate anybody who consumes any animal products.

Don’t feel shamed, you are doing way more than most!

Lots of vegans are lovely but there are a fair few that are very judge whilst not being perfect themselves.

*judgy

If you have to supplement your diet it is, by definition, an inadequate diet.

Genuine Question - Why is it inhumane or wrong to eat eggs?

I get that some are mass-produced from caged hens which is cruel. But if you have a couple of free-range hens in your garden that why is that wrong?
I have always wanted chickens but I also try and not eat too many animal products either so I am genuinely interested.

I'm vegan and do not preach. Ignore your friend!

A preachy nauseating vegan who'd have thought it. Tell her to fuck off and have done with it

I'm vegan and wouldn't dream of saying this to anyone. There's a common issue with confusing veganism and idiots, your friend was being an idiot. Don't tar veganism with what an idiot says and stir up hatred. My white friend said something objectionable the other day,but it wasn't because she was white.

What kind of 'friend' says things like 'shame on you'? That's a ghastly phrase from a sanctimonious idiot.

I veer between vegetarianism and veganism, I find the latter very difficult really, if my mum makes me a cup of tea with milk I am not going to tell her to fling it down the sink because it is offensive to me.

Ideally I'd like to give up dairy, keep some rescue chickens and use their eggs. I don't think young kids should be vegan, but adults can be quite successfully. It's just about finding a balance between our needs and the rights of animals. Militant people aren't pleasant!

Yes, another vegan bashing thread because it's not a healthy lifestyle choice for especially for children and teenagers and it's being pushed onto them.

OP tell your friend to bog off. Humans are omnivores and need a mixture of plant and animal based foods in order to consume their required compliments of vitamins, proteins and minerals.

I'm vegan (and a teacher, so not a good combination for MN!). I have been vegan for a long time, way before it became popular... harking back to a time before mass vegetarian and vegan food certification, when vegans were a fringe group that wore birkenstocks and hemp shirts and talked about chakras.... confused. In the last few years I have tried not to tell anyone about my dietary preferences. In fact, I'm aware that I am a bit embarrassed about it. I dislike the new wave of dickish vegans and don't want to be associated with them. Ignore her.

100% this ^. The one thing that irks me about the new wave of 'vegans' is how their empathy and morals on animal welfare only extend as far as their diet. I've one 'vegan' friend who's latest car has a full leather interior and I'm struggling to think of any recent converts who don't own at least one leather/silk item of clothing/accessory or know that things like lcd screens, plastic bags, razors and toiletries contain animal products.
But I don't think this is anything to do with veganism as a whole, just the people who jump on any bandwagon they can.

Your "friend" sounds like a sanctimonious twat.

" I'm not a vegan- decided against it as I worry it would turn me into a socially inept bore like you"

@CatAndFiddle I know one vegan who like yourself has been vegan since school - long before it became trendy and she is the only one who isn’t preachy about it. In fact even she is annoyed by the behaviour and methods of intimidation of some of the more recent vegan converts.

I’m vegan. I don’t mind what other do. I don’t understand though why people masks excuses it I’m anaemic or too busy? Just admit you don’t want to be a vegan and have done. It’s ok 👌