Shamed by vegan friend

[catsarelifetome]

I'm a vegetarian, and I have been since early teens. I know many vegans view vegetarians as hypocrites for still consuming animal products, and I do feel guilty about that. I buy vegan whenever possible, but due to having anaemia and a busy lifestyle it would be very hard and restrictive to adopt a vegan lifestyle 100%.

A friend I hadn't spoken to in a while messaged me to catch up the other day. She is a very strict vegan and we used to have lots of conversations about animal welfare etc. She asked if I have turned vegan yet. I said not quite, but I buy vegan as much as possible. She messaged back shame on you, please think about the poor cows and hens when you next go shopping.

It's played on my mind and I feel guilty. I haven't responded yet

I think the vegans have got it sussed overall actually.

There aren't that many nice vegan products, I have tried them. Vegan cheese is awful imo, and the vegan quote products are not too nice either. Obviously there are some nice products but I personally don't like the taste of many of them.

She sounds tedious, condescending and sanctimonious, hardly a good friend to have.

what a weird relationship where she has the power to decide you are a "good " person (or not) and you need to justify yourself to her.

Are you generally a bit submissive and an appeaser in friendships and relationships?

I cannot imagine having to justify what I eat to anyone

Some vegans treat veganism like a cult....

My vegan friend told me that I wouldn't have caught C19 if I was vegan... he has other odd views tho.
Don't feel shamed.

Don’t respond.

Is she truly vegan, or does she just eat a vegan diet?

Every time you pick a lettuce or any other vegetable it screams.

Tell her that you have gone fully carnivorous. No plant-based products, at all. Post a photo of yourself on a moor, captioned, “just out looking for some raw sheep”. Report back on her response.

What an unpleasant person she is. Her priority is her evangelical crusade, not friendship. I imagine her social circle must be sharply contracting if she's like that with everybody who isn't a strict vegan!

(Not 'bashing vegans, bashing rude myopic zealots of all stripes, I can't bloody stand them, and I've attracted far too many of them in all their glory over the years! I'm allergic.)

I friend’s daughter ended up in hospital with an eating disorder due to extreme vegan websites. More and more foods were declared ‘off limits’ and they were made to feel guilty about so many foods that in the end they stopped eating. Most vegans are sensible but like many things there is also an extremist fringe.

I'm vegetarian, have been for 37 years. I have no interest in going vegan. I don't use much milk, eggs once or twice a week, cheese must 5 days.

But I don't eat soya or wheat - which puts must prepackaged vegan stuff out of bounds. And I have no interest in imitation cheese - I'm trying to avoid as much non-food edibles as I can. I have made eg quiche with nuts instead of cheese for a dairy-allergic friend, but the crap in supermarkets? Hell no.

I think I would reply saying that you do the best you can, and if that isn't good enough for her, then she is no longer a friend of yours and she can eff off.

aesop it usually goes the other way. People with eating disorders can use a vegan diet as a way to control and limit what they’re eating.

She’s a dick. I’ve lived a vegan lifestyle in the best way that I realistically can, for over 30 years, but I also acknowledge that there are things involving the use of dead animals, that can’t be realistically avoided.

Tell her to give up her phone, computer and any LCD TVs, as the screen will contain may contain cholesterol taken from animals. Gelatin is also used in battery production. I assume she doesn’t have any of the plastic fivers/tenners in her possession and doesn’t use banks as they are involved in the provision of said money into the public. No wooden musical instruments either as they often contain glue made from animal products. She’d better stop reading books too, in case they again use glue made from animal products.

The point of being vegan is, in my opinion try to live a life that doesn’t have an negative impact on the welfare of animals. I do have some really strict views of what a vegan diet should be, but that’s actually a separate issue.

You do what feels right for you and to be honest, I’d drop any friend that spoke to me like that. She’s a sanctimonious and probably hypocritical dickhead.

Incidentally, what is in a vegan Magnum? How is that even a thing?

She's a knob, don't bother replying to the bagering.

You don't have to feel bad for not being a vegan. You make your own choices and you don't need "friends" berating you for it.

Vegan magnums are lovely, especially the almond ones. I think they’re mainly cocoa butter.

Your friend was rude. No need to justify your choices to her, or anyone.

purpledaisies possibly but not in this case. It was the extreme veganism that caused the problems. There was a clear internet trail that could be followed.

Also, bloody acrylic and polyester clothing when sheep fleece is going for a quid a fleece.

Vegan 'wool' is contributing massively to the plastic problem that's killing wildlife. If you won't wear wool fine, wear cotton or bamboo. But don't wear plastic and imagine that gives you a moral superiority.

If you really care about animal welfare, lobby for dagging to be outlawed, and be prepared to pay more for your clothes/fabric/yarn

She sounds nasty.

Re Magnums, I've not had a vegan one but there are some really tasty vegan ice creams out there. They are hugely calorific which probably explains the tastiness.

I was vegan for seven months and it made me ill - despite taking all the vitamins and eating "healthy whole food". It doesn't work for everyone. You do what you can.

I agree, (almost all) vegan cheese is bad. So is non dairy milk in tea/coffee. I just don’t eat those things any more.

It’s fine to continue eating dairy because you like the taste-that’s a personal choice. Just say that. It was your citing the lack of vegan products I found surprising because of the explosion in what’s available now, and being vegan really won’t make you more anaemic than being vegetarian will.

These are the people that give vegans a bad name.

I have a couple of friends who are vegan. They never say anything to me. In their company at their home I eat their vegan food. If they come to me I sort vegan food for them and will normally just eat that too.

One person I know who is vegan, who I wouldn’t call my friend, she’s a friend of an old friend who I collide with once a year maximum, is like your friend OP. Will constantly constantly go on and on about it. In many respects I admire her commitment and enthusiasm and I am more award of animal welfare these days myself.
But she never ever stops! She doesn’t stop talking about veganism, how bad our choices are, She is very in your face the whole time. So one day I questioned her outfit. Animal free, yes. Except it was also a brand known for exploiting its staff and paying the cotton farmers and factory workers virtually nothing and keeping them in poor conditions. When I pointed this out to her about the human cost of her choices (when she was criticising the animal cost of mine) she was outraged and accused me of bullying and said the people who work in those factories have a choice and it’s their fault. Hypocrite much?