Shamed by vegan friend

[catsarelifetome]

I'm a vegetarian, and I have been since early teens. I know many vegans view vegetarians as hypocrites for still consuming animal products, and I do feel guilty about that. I buy vegan whenever possible, but due to having anaemia and a busy lifestyle it would be very hard and restrictive to adopt a vegan lifestyle 100%.

A friend I hadn't spoken to in a while messaged me to catch up the other day. She is a very strict vegan and we used to have lots of conversations about animal welfare etc. She asked if I have turned vegan yet. I said not quite, but I buy vegan as much as possible. She messaged back shame on you, please think about the poor cows and hens when you next go shopping.

It's played on my mind and I feel guilty. I haven't responded yet

I think you sound like you take animal welfare very seriously and shouldn’t feel guilty. You’re friend sounds mean - with people like that, when they’re so keen to hear what they want and willing to guilt trip people over it I wouldn’t be ashamed to lie and say yes I am vegan and let her live in stupid ignorance.

Sounds like she's in a strop bc she's a bit peckish for something decent

Kind to animals but mean to people?

Just almost everything seems to have egg or milk in it which is why I haven't made the step

It's annoying isn't it. Means I can only have boring crisps.

some vegan alternatives are not environmentally sound - things like jackfruit, almonds, some soya etc
if she has a 4 by 4 I bet she doesn't check the sources of her food stuff - some imported foods also have meant shortages for the local people of the country they are imported from -
I don't drink alcohol or eat certain meats I certainly don't tell my friends what to do (I might consider helping someone addicted that's a whole different thing) cigarettes however... (because they affect me as a passive recipient)

Evangelists (of any persuasion) are tedious.
She could really just be projecting. She is probably dying for some cheese and poached egg and is using self-righteousness to steel her resolve.
Or she could be an out-and-out hypocrite who is secretly consuming all kinds of animal products and condemning you to take her mind off of her own "sins".
You don't need that in your life.

Not much of a friend, are they.

This, in a nutshell.

'Friends' that pressure you to change in order to conform to their belief system really aren't your friends. Whether their hangup is diet, religion, or politics, they're all fundamentally the same. They are trying to control you. I wouldn't accept it from a life partner so I sure as hell wouldn't accept it from a friend I hadn't spoken to in a while.

There is no shame at all in your diet. None at all. You don't need to justify yourself over the perfectly legal food you put into your body in order to maintain your health. You're doing what you can to maintain a diet that is in line with your beliefs while also fitting with your lifestyle and health needs - anyone that can't understand and respect that really isn't worth having around.

It was the extreme veganism that caused the problems. There was a clear internet trail that could be followed.

Or she sought those sites looking for cover for her eating disorder. I’m not saying those sites should be up or what they’re saying is in any way right but it’s too simplistic to say going vegan caused an eating disorder. Most specialists will tell you what causes eating disorders is usually complicated and multi factorial.

My vegan friend told me that I wouldn't have caught C19 if I was vegan

I left my favourite vegan Facebook group over this sort of comment the other day - it makes me stabby.

I wouldn't bash any diet either. Each to their own, but there are many negative unintended consequences with vegan diets, as there are with others. It is not a silver bullet. It will not suit everyone. It will not save the environment. No diet alone can. No diet should be pitched as "the right way" or"only way" and no one should be made to feel guilty.

The underlying problem here is the system at large; the industrialisation of food, not the food itself. The current system is dangerous, hugely exploitative, highly political, under nutritious and unsustainable. However, if everyone became a vegan for example, large scale industry would definitely continue to exploit the people, the environment, the crops, communities, what goes into our body and who has access and how much we pay.

There are massive flaws in the food system and so the best way is to seek knowledge, be aware, be critical of any hailed panacea, live with peace that you have made your decision of your own volition.

If she's a good friend, I'd take it with a pinch of salt and continue living as I was.

Do you :)

Why is she the BOSS of what you eat ???

Tell her you don’t want to be vegan . It’s not compulsory. She sounds like a dick !

Shame on me? When did you appoint yourself Witch-Finder General

HAHAHAHAHA

pp cotton!!! its requires massive amounts of water & chemicals which destroy environment around

It's impossible to have a healthy diet as a vegan, particularly for women unless you supplement with vitamins and iron out of a bottle and calcium fortified bread or vegan milk. Even then there is an issue with absorbing b12. It's not sensible to embarque on a wholly vegan diet without a lot of research and planning.

If there was full scale pandemic I wonder how long she’d remain vegan ?

Personally, I have found vegans to be very judgmental , at least the ones I have met. The worst was a girl I was in hospital with. At meal times, those of us who were well enough had to sit at a table to eat, and she berated people for eating meat, saying things like "You're not going to eat that poor little lamb are you? It should still be skipping around the field like it was last week." She put people off their food. Not me, however, and when I told her to keep her views to herself, these people needed to eat in order to get well, she started telling me that you shouldn't kill any creature. When I asked did that include rats and mice in your house, she said yes. It was unforgivable, they had a right to live , just as we do. After that argument, we went back to our beds, and a few minutes later the doctor came to talk to her. Obviously the curtain was pulled round her bed, but curtains do not stop you hearing what is being said. That was when I found out that she was in for a termination. 33 years years later, I haven't changed my views on her or on veganism, and I wasn't the only person in that ward who said that even if veganism had been something we were considering, she had put us off.

We are vegan, in a perfect world we would love everyone to be, but I believe the less preachy preachy you are, the more people are Interested.
I have found some non-vegan people can be really judgemental and rude, all the old corny jokes spew out.

Other people can’t ‘shame’ you. Shame is an internal, involuntary, visceral emotion. Other people can only criticise us or our choices. If this makes us feel guilty or ashamed it probably means that somewhere deep down we agree with what they are saying.

That certainly seems to be the case here OP. You actually agree with your friends values and that’s why you are ashamed of yourself. She might have triggered your emotion but she hasn’t caused it.

Cotton requires masses of water and chemicals when grown on the cheap

Oh just tell her to fuck off.

I meant to say, having reached 70, and not having a lot else in my life, I like food to taste nice, and vegan food just doesn't!

If there was full scale pandemic I wonder how long she’d remain vegan?

I can exist on the dried lentils in my cupboards for at least three years! What do you think would be the issue?

This isn't a vegan vs vegetarian issue.

This is a your 'friend' is a horrible person issue. I wouldn't bother contacting them again.
And I say that as a vegan.