To be angry at man in shopping queue

[NameChangeInfinite]

Huge line outside Tesco’s this afternoon, wait was over 20 mins.

Man in front of me was puffing away at a cigarette the entire time. Lit up twice during the wait.

Tried to shield my nose and mouth as well as turning away from him to avoid smoke. But even with 2 metre distance I was definitely inhaling his smoke.

Eventually I lost it and very crossly asked him to think of others in the queue having to breathe in his smoke. Explained that we don’t know who has COVID or not and whether we can catch it through second hand smoke.

He barked at me to “shut up you ugly cow”.

Left me really shaken and close to tears.

If I was in the wrong the happy to be told so. But we don’t know if this virus can be transmitted through second hand smoke so surely he should be more considerate?

You have to just laugh it off. I often make small mistakes in the car like cutting people up a bit and people honk at me, it’s just human instinct to stick my finger up at them even if I know I’m wrong. He may have known he was wrong but people just respond in a firey way

Sorry, I had to laugh at this description 'mildly irritating'. That would be true if you could easily walk away. In a queue it's really is very inconsiderate and infuriating.

I've never told anyone off for it, but everyone has their breaking point and this was the OP's.

I think what some of you don't get is the OP's comment that she never speaks up normally. For non-assertive people, it's very easy to become unintentionally aggressive when we do speak up, as we don't speak up before we're at the end of our tether. I'm better at it now, but it is something that needs to be learned.

You have to just laugh it off.

Laugh off being called a stupid, ugly cow?

Do you also advise abused women that they should just laugh it off?

Well you can’t catch it through second-hand smoke so you were being ott for that.

Well according to scientists, the virus can transmit in this way. So, no, you were not out of order. But it's pretty antisocial in any case.

according to scientists, the virus can transmit in this way
I've heard scientists say that exposure to secondhand smoke increases your risk of complications if you get CV, as years of living with a smoker affects your lungs.
But nothing about people breathing in smoke and catching it. How would it be different to breathing in expelled air without smoke?

He's a man. Men don't like to be 'told off' by women and especially not in public, so he went straight for the misogynist insults

Sorry but does anyone like being "told off" publicly when they're doing absolutely nothing illegal what does being a man have to do with it?

If my kids were being inconsiderate playing outside and a woman "lost it and crossly told me to think of other people" I'd be rude right back to her.

Nobody likes to be told off.

Now if they explained the issue politely that's a different thing.

On what planet is forcing smoke on people who can’t move away remotely acceptable??

There are a million places the guy could have gone to smoke, not stuck in a queue of people. It’s extremely rude to force smoke on people when he could easily have waited till he was walking home and smoked when he was not standing in a crowd.

I’m allergic to cigarette smoke so that would have triggered a huge coughing fit which would have been very frightening and unfair on everyone in the queue.

Well according to scientists, the virus can transmit in this way.

Citation needed

As a smoker, he was an utter twat. It is just so rude to light up near others.

YANBU but if you approach someone in an aggressive manner, you're likely going to get aggression back, even if you're making a reasonable request.
Catch more flies with honey and all that.

YANBU at all OP. Smoking turns even the most normally lovely people into rude, inconsiderate arseholes at the best of time.

He shouldn't have been smoking in the queue, for one because it's toxic and unpleasant to people around him. But secondly, I also assumed that breathing in second hand smoke that had been in other people's lungs could be transmitting the virus.

In fact, I was in a queue for Asda last week and someone started vaping, she'd literally been saying a couple of minutes prior how terrified of Coronavirus she was. I literally felt my temper go up and I had to leave the queue, I was so angry and wanted to have a go at her but managed to control myself and just left.

YADNBU at all.

My exact words were “Please could you stop smoking. We don’t know if this virus can be transmitted through second hand smoke”

In normal circumstances I would have apologised several times and accompanied with an apologetic smile. But because I was anxious and annoyed I said the above without a smile although in a soft voice.

I’m usually extremely shy so any sort of confrontation is completely out of character.

He was rude but you’re being OTT to try and lecture him re corona possibility of being transferred through second hand smoke. It’s also legal to smoke outside.

Well I doubt very much it can be passed by smoke at all, how would that work?

However, I wouldn't have been best pleased or appreciate having to inhale someone elses toxic fumes, I use to smoke myself and wouldn't have felt comfortable smoking in a queue or where others would be forced to put up with my smoke. Unfortunately there's a lot of selfish smokers, and he sounds rather unpleasant. Let's hope he doesn't catch the virus as smokers are at higher risk for complications etc.

I often make small mistakes in the car like cutting people up a bit and people honk at me, it’s just human instinct to stick my finger up at them even if I know I’m wrong.

. That's neither funny nor acceptable.

Forgive if this has been mentioned, but given the fact we are dealing with a virus that aggressively attacks the lungs, who the hell do smokers think they are risking other people's lung health by forcing second hand smoke upon them?

The day smoking in public is banned cannot come soon enough.

Why didn't you move a bit further back if you were so worried? Sorry but you can't confront someone and then get upset when they respond.
Highly unlikely you'd have caught anything from him, you were being judgmental.

Maybe they couldn't move back as they would have been too close to anyone behind them, should everyone have to move back in the queue just so they don't inhale someone's disgusting toxic habit?

It's not judgemental to not like toxic fumes.

Lecturing someone about the fact their smoking causing corona is judgmental, especially as we don't even know it's true. If he was smoking the whole time then yes she could have stood back. You can't insult someone and then be upset when they respond because he wasn't doing anything wrong.
I hate the smell too but if I wasn't prepared to get a mouthful of abuse I wouldn't say anything.

Lecturing them doesn't harm them. Their smoke, however, does physically harm others. It's not just the smell.

What physical harm does smoke outside from someone 2m away do you?

*Laugh off being called a stupid, ugly cow?

Do you also advise abused women that they should just laugh it off?*

Do you realise there is a difference between someone saying some mean words and beating you on a daily basis? Sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt me.

As an aside at our Waitrose we have a very burly security guard stopping people from smoking in the queue for this very reason

It's unlikely it's transmissible via smoke (less likely than breathing normally). But it's certain that smoke (and other air pollution, e.g. fumes from vehicles, if you drive) harms people, especially in the lung department.

So YANBU to be annoyed at anyone polluting the air, but this should always apply. Far fewer people would be vulnerable in the first place if this had always been taken seriously.

@NameChangeInfinite - I don’t think you need worry about the virus being transmitted in secondhand smoke. Logically, the only reason you are aware of the secondhand smoke is because of the smoke giving it an odour and making it visible.

The smoke won’t make the exhaled air go further, it just makes it perceptible, and as the guidelines say you are safe if you are 2m apart, that will be because the virus in the exhaled air can’t travel more than 2m and infect someone else.

So, as the smoke doesn’t make the exhaled air go further, the secondhand smoke has no greater risk of transmitting the virus over 2m than ordinary exhaled air.

I hope this sets your mind at rest.

All that said, I do think he was pretty anti-social to smoke in the queue - I loathe the smell of cigarette smoke, and would hate to have to put up with it in a queue for buying necessities. And he confirmed what a nasty individual he was by his misogynistic abuse.

Hmm.. I don't know. Someone kept standing too close to me in a queue the other day so I lit a cigarette so they would back the fuck up.