To be angry at man in shopping queue

[NameChangeInfinite]

Huge line outside Tesco’s this afternoon, wait was over 20 mins.

Man in front of me was puffing away at a cigarette the entire time. Lit up twice during the wait.

Tried to shield my nose and mouth as well as turning away from him to avoid smoke. But even with 2 metre distance I was definitely inhaling his smoke.

Eventually I lost it and very crossly asked him to think of others in the queue having to breathe in his smoke. Explained that we don’t know who has COVID or not and whether we can catch it through second hand smoke.

He barked at me to “shut up you ugly cow”.

Left me really shaken and close to tears.

If I was in the wrong the happy to be told so. But we don’t know if this virus can be transmitted through second hand smoke so surely he should be more considerate?

He's a man. Men don't like to be 'told off' by women and especially not in public, so he went straight for the misogynist insults

This. I've come across a couple of very angry aggressive men in the last few weeks.

I was stood behind someone who was puffing away on their vape doodah - initially it annoyed me but then I figured it was actually quite helpful as I could very clearly see where his exhalations were going and do my best to avoid them!

Smoking in a queue is rude, but you should either say something polite immediately, or say nothing at all. Standing there allowing the anger to build up for a good while and then exploding is no good for you, the smoker or any of the people around you who now have both a smoker and a nasty argument to put up with.

In terms of catching Covid, what's the difference between breathing in smoke that someone else has breathed out, and breathing in air that someone else has breathed out? Apart from the fact that you can see/smell the smoke? Do you think that tiny droplets would stick to the smoke particles and float better, or what is the logic?

You say you don't worry about catching flu from second hand smoke because your immune system has the capability to deal with a cold or flu.

This is NONSENSE. Anybody can die from flu, "healthy" people included.

As for the original queue incident, there will have been clues as to whether you were right or not in the reactions from other people around you. For example, I called out a queue jumper not long ago and everyone around me said "well done" - the jumper shrunk off with their tail between their legs. The time before that they threatened to "break my fucking legs" - maybe I'd have been better staying quiet!

The point is, if you call someone out - no matter whether you think you are being polite - you are initiating the potential for a confrontation. Weigh up whether you think you could "take on" this person if it escalated into something more violent, and ask yourself, is it worth it?

Remember there is nothing illegal about smoking outside. Rude, yes, inconsiderate, definitely. But the same can be said for allowing your kids to play in the street or smoking in your back garden - both perfectly legal but can affect others.

I have already said that I do not literally wish severe illness upon him

Eh? that's exactly what you did. Do words mean something different when you use them? If so, then how are we meant to tell?

And I don't find people dying of Covid-19 funny, no. Nor should you.

The majority of coronavirus cases are mild so unless you're otherwise ill then it's not likely you'll die from it op. Also I don't think you catch it from second hand smoke

It's legal to smoke outside and it might help some people feel less stressed. Yabu even though he shouldn't have been rude to you.

What @FizzyBug said.

I wouldn't take it personally (if you have!), it's the sort of reply he would have said to any woman that challenged him. Hope you're okay.

If hes in front of you just leave a bigger gap. People just get defensive and aggressive.

He was an arse OP. Smoke is one of my asthma triggers, if I was stood behind him in that queue I would have to leave.

As a PP said, hospitals don't allow people to smoke directly outside them for a reason.

Well it's tongue in cheek @thedancingbear

Clearly it doesn't translate so I will note that for the future. Of course I'm not wishing death on people or finding actual death funny.

Still, at least if my comment is misunderstood I haven't insulted him to his face.

Smoke really travels though. It can trigger things like asthma attacks and migraines in people. People should be able to stand for an hour without lighting up.

Typical inconsiderate smoker.

There was a man smoking in the queue I was in (Lidl). I don't like the smoke so I just keep a bigger distance but he was in front of me, rather than behind. That makes a difference.

He shouldn't have said that to you OP. As this carries on I expect there will be rules about smoking in queues, hopefully sooner rather than later.

I'd recommend going to Waitrose or M&S; Tesco is full of riff-raff (and their kids), so smoking in the queue goes with the territory.

People who are exhibiting anti-social behaviour are showing you exactly who they are and what you can expect from then.

Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig enjoys it.

Wereallsquare, I smiled at the pig thing, I think that's true. I also think that this queuing thing is bringing out the worst in some people, possibly as they're 'captured'. The man probably wouldn't smoke that closely to people if not queued and OP wouldn't have felt put at risk. You could insert any impacting activity into that scenario, people can be very thoughtless and selfish.

I think security/no smoking instructions would be a very good idea as this is the way we shop now.

izzywizzy why do you post like that? Hoping to insult as many posters as possible?

I would never do what you did. The fact is that there a risks outside from individuals with behavioural problems. In your post you make it clear that you were in the right. That is small consolation if you end up dead. You wrongly inferred that the crowd would protect you.

I would and do just walk away as my first action rather than seek confrontation.

I have in the past however put myself at risk to help individuals under threat and being attacked. That is human nature. I should not have intervened but I did. Fortunately luck was on my side.

Next time if you are in a situation that you do not find acceptable walk away to fight another day. Please.

Maybe if you weren’t so cross with him then he would’ve been more polite back.

Cigarettes are absolutely essential in this situation. Can you imagine being isolated with someone who's giving up smoking?

My husband is rancid when he gives up, absolutely vile. I'm not putting me and my kids through being locked in a house with him when he's like that.

I too used to think that Waitrose was relatively free of riff raff until someone removed a reduced chicken from my trolley when I wasn’t looking. I presumed they were an upper class thief but in reality acknowledge that they are a magnet to the criminal under classes.

@cologne4711
That’s ludicrous. You’re blaming him because he’s a man. He was probably rude to her to get her to shut up. The man was fully aware of what he was doing, and no you can’t spread Coronavirus through smoking. She was rude to that man, hoping everyone would back her up, and that man had the right to be rude back. Nothing to do with gender. Idiots.

Quite. The OP freely admits that she 'lost it' with him and is now shocked and expecting sympathy that he was rude back.

she's still not told us what she actually said to him.

smoking in a queue is anti social and mildly irritating.

My mum's an asthmatic so if she was behind him he could have brought about an attack on her. I would have asked him to stop too.

@thedancingbear

Quite. The OP freely admits that she 'lost it' with him and is now shocked and expecting sympathy that he was rude back.

She's also said that 'losing it' for her means just means asking someone to stop.

Given how many women describe themselves as 'non-confrontational' on MN, please don't berate a woman for speaking up for once.