Is sister in law being very stupid here or doing the right thing

[Dubdubdubtub]

My SIL has three kids and is a single parent.
She works in the NHS as a nurse. She works three days a week. She works in ITU.
She could send all three of her kids to school that is five minutes down the road as she a key worker but instead is driving them to grandparents three days a week and they are having them. She is then staying for tea every night when she gets back.
My FIL is 72 and my MIL 69. They have both had medical issues in the past but nothing too serious. My FIL is a type 2 diabetic which is dangerous with this virus but maybe not as dangerous as type 1

Not sure if she is doing the right thing but leaning towards she should be sending them to school and leaving grandparents alone. Also if they are looking after the kids surely it should be a quick drop off and pick up.

That is nuts

I think she's massively putting her parents at risk - crazy.

Well that's exactly what we've been told not to do isn't it.

She is being very careless.

School will be open for 6 hours, most shifts are 12 hours (usually 8-8). What do you suggest she does with the children when school finishes at 3.30?

Are school actually able to cover the hours that she works. Most nurses don’t work 9-3?
It’s not ideal but how else would she cover the long hours that nurse usually work?

She’s endangering their lives.

It is a big school acting as a hub and is one of the few that is letting kids come in early and stay late almost like an after school club. She works 7 hours a day as she had a breakdown three years ago and her hours were reduced. The hours would be well covered by school

School won't cover the hours she needs. I am sure she is fully aware of the trade off decision she's made. Unless she can only work school hours I suspect she has no option, unless you can suggest one?

It’s not ideal but what else is she supposed to do? The schools won’t be open for the length of her shift so the kids would still have to go somewhere after 3, better to have them with the GP the whole time rather than going to school and then having to go to the GP from an exposure perspective.

Tinned pears - so sitting down for tea with her parents is ok?

As a single parent is it not more of a case that she has no option as the school probably doesn't cover her 12+ hour shift + commuting time.

She will understand the risks, given her job

Have you spoken to her about her choice? Is it to build familiarity with the GPs as that will be the only choice of place for them to stay if she becomes ill?

Or has she decided that likelihood of infection is high, and keeping it within her family is better than potentially infecting all the key workers who use the school-based facility?

If the school covers her hours she should use them. That’s it really.

If school can defo cover her hours yes she should send them there. But she's made her choices

You mention she has had a previous breakdown- could it be that her parents are equally worried about her mental health and ensuring she has plenty of support to avoid a recurrence? Maybe they feel helping this way is better than the alternative

Thanks everyone as I said I honestly didn’t know what to think. My husband didn’t know if he should have a word with her or not. I think the fact she is hanging around for a good two or three hours after picking the kids up is getting to him more

In terms of spread, numerically, she's doing the better thing. As front line, she's likely to pick it up and her children are more likely to carry it. If they go into school and mix with lots of other kids who then take it home, that's more people than two grandparents who presumably have agreed to help. I agree a quick drop off would be better than staying for dinner, but it's exactly the sort of thing my parents would do if I'd come off a 12 hour shift, they'd want to feed me. Yes the grandparents are greatly increasing their risk but if they are not going out separately and potentially spreading it, it is their risk to take. The children have to go somewhere and as a pp said, it's unlikely the school hours cover the whole shift.

For people saying school is only until 3 or whatever our teachers are covering two shifts a day 7 days a week (certainly round here anyway) throughout this crisis so that staff like the OP's SIL can more easily work, normal school hours have been out of the window since schools 'closed'.

And yes, your SIL is being an absolute idiot and putting her parents at great risk. Muppet.

I'd rather my dc go to family than mix with other key worker children who will be more at risk. I don't blame her for what she's doing.

I agree with huge. Right thing by who? The kids potentially spread it further by going to school. Are the grandparents aware of the risk they're taking? Maybe they've decided that its the least bad choice. There's no way of the kids social distancing, they have to go somewhere. At least this way they all get to spend time together and the spread to others is presumably minimised. As for her staying for tea, I don't know. If she picks up the virus then the kids are going to bring it in with them anyway aren't they? Does her staying for tea drastically increase the risk? I don't know. This seems like a complicated scenario so I wouldn't be weighing in on it personally.

As an aside, the best thing she could probably do is get the kids to move in with her parents indefinitely while she works. That's a huge thing to take on or give up though isn't it?

Are you 100% sure that the school is currently running the after hours provision? Because every single school in my small city has said school is open 8.50 - 3.15 and no before/after school clubs are running at all. It's been a big issue for some key workers to find someone who can collect and care for their kids outside school hours. My cousin was at the point where she was going to have to get my 78 year old Aunt to care for her 6yo after school - luckily, a friend's colleague who she'd never met before in her life has offered to do it, to save my Aunt from exposure. They live in a tiny village, cousin is a lone parent who works long shifts, low paid so can't pay anyone to do it and my aunt usually helps her anyway as she loves doing it. But my aunt has several underlying health issues which mean this virus would be brutal for her.

I've seen people on my local FB asking for help in similar situations - in my area at least there seems to be many wonderful, helpful people who are happy to care for kids, drive people to vital appointments, collect shopping and prescriptions for people... Putting grandparents at risk like this is probably unnecessary.

A vote for stupid from me. Where is the children’s father in all of this?

I think she's having to make a very difficult decision, which presumably she has done with input from the children's father and the GPs and she doesn't need you judging her on to of the guilt is no doubt already feeling regarding her parents and her DC, whilst doing an incredibly stressful job in unprecedented circumstances.

Here school is 8-6pm 7 days a week with two classes, primary age and under 14's. The children are kept outside as much as possible and lots of distancing, there's lots of hand washing and sanitising ie only one child is allowed to play with the box of lego then it goes in disinfectant over night. It is nothing like normal school at the moment. Staff are taking a huge amount of extra precautions and are well aware they could be exposed to the virus, whether the OPs SIL sends her children there or not the staff are taking a risk, so she's only increasing the number of people by doing her own thing. Plus no at risk staff are teaching or having dinner with her!