Do you kiss your kids on the lips

[louise5754]

Mine are 8 and 10.

Myself, DH, My Mum and Step Dad Sister and Brother in Law kiss my kids on the lips.

My brother and sister in law prefer to kiss them on the cheek.

They prefer not to kiss DH family at all so don't.

If they don't feel like giving family a kiss they won't. It's just something they have always done.

My mum sometimes kisses me on the lips and I kissed my grandparents on the lips until they passed away.

My friend has said she's never kissed her boys on the lips.

Mine are girls not that it makes a difference.

The sad thing is that you can never be certain that your child won't come into contact with someone who might do it in a sexualised way ... I was talking about it as a boundary issue.

ANY kind of unwelcome kissing would be a boundary issue and I'll be teaching my children that. Whether I kiss them on the lips or not is totally immaterial to that.

What strange sexualised thoughts people must have to think that there is something wrong with kissing your child on the lips.

Its not strange at all !
The only person I kiss on the lips is my DH.
I find anyone lip kissing a child or relative utterly bizarre.
In fact I dont know anyone who does this.
I have always been aware of the risks to babies and the thought of lip kissing my parents, aunts, uncles -grim!

I grew up with it but I kissed my own dc on the cheeks.
It doesn't particularly bother me but it does seem a bit weird now.

Cons: blurs boundaries regarding appropriate behaviour and leaves children more vulnerable to sexual abuse. Can spread germs both ways, which can prove fatal. Can pass on herpesvirus for life. People will judge you for doing it.

Not bollocks at all !
I grew up in a "normal" loving family and I dont know anyone who lip kisses in this way, not one friend or relative.
Hug, cheek fine , lips I would be WTAF !
I dint have wierd sexual ideas, I dont think its appropriate for children to be lip kissed by anyone.
The first person I lip kissed was my first BF.

So interesting that those who dont do it are being told they are "hysterical" " glad my mind doesnt work like this" "have wierd sexual ideas"
Hmmm cognitive dissonance at its finest !

Interesting that some posters are saying that by not kissing their children on the lips that means their kids are more protected from sexual abuse. Seriously?? Sorry but I can't imagine there is any evidence for that whatsoever.
Kissing my ds goodnight on his lips doesn't mean that he is at any more risk. I teach him how to keep himself safe, what is appropriate / inappropriate and most importantly to trust his own feelings and talk to me or another trusted adult if they are uncomfortable.

There are lots of children who are sadly more at risk of grooming and or abuse, I don't for one second believe kissing our kids on the lips will be one of those risk factors.

Im in my early 30s and kiss my dad on the lips. I absolutely hate when parents try and get their kids to kiss family members though, so have always been very forceful that it is up to my son who he kisses hello/goodbye and he is under no obligation to give anyone a kiss.

Qgardens Wed 08-Apr-20 10:10:40
I grew up with it but I kissed my own dc on the cheeks.
It doesn't particularly bother me but it does seem a bit weird now.
.....
It is weird, honestly I've never known it. I'm glad you broke the habit when you had your own kids.

(Apropos of nothing I used to friendly with a man who lived by Kew Gardens and was known as 'QGardens', 'Q' for short.)

It is weird, honestly I've never known it.

All you’re saying here is that it isn’t common in the culture you know.

It’s perfectly normal in other cultures.

LaurieMarlow Wed 08-Apr-20 11:25:14
It is weird, honestly I've never known it.

All you’re saying here is that it isn’t common in the culture you know.

It’s perfectly normal in other cultures.
.....
Maybe so but I know people of many cultures, I'm a born and bred Londoner, and have never seen it. I have read about it and seen it on TV a couple of times and it made me shudder. It seemed so unnatural and I am a naturally affectionate person, always have been.

Maybe so but I know people of many cultures, I'm a born and bred Londoner, and have never seen it

Why would you see it though? It’ll be mostly done in the home, not in front of people.

it made me shudder.

This strikes me as weird. Why would you react like that?

What cultures are you referring to LaurieMarlow?

Yes. All the time. They are 13 10 8.

It's setting boundaries Missy.

Lips are erogenous. It makes grooming easier for abusers if a child is already comfortable with lip kissing.

The default response to a kiss on the lips for any child not conditioned to find this behaviour normal is that it is gross and to be avoided at all costs.

Personally, I hated being kissed on the lips by my granny (although I loved her) and she was always really insulted when I wiped her kiss off. My Dad had to ask her to stop doing it as I was too shy and she had much the same response as the pro-lip kissers on here - "something wrong with that child" - rather than accept my right to assert autonomy over my own body.

Absolutely NOT!!!!!!!

@Katypyee I always kiss my parents on the lips

Eeeeeewwwww!! I genuinely nearly threw up when I read this 🤢🤮

You cannot possibly be serious????

@Fimofriend How revolting 🤭

if makes grooming easier for abusers if a child is already comfortable with lip kissing

Unsubstantiated bollocks.

Children should be taught to speak up when they’re uncomfortable with any kind of physical touching. That’s how to develop boundaries and keep them safe.

Personally, I hated being kissed on the lips by my granny (although I loved her) and she was always really insulted when I wiped her kiss off.

Sounds like this is fuelled by your own personal issues.

No child should have to put up with any kissing they aren’t comfortable with. That’s the point. Not whether kids kiss on the lips or not.

My 9mo DS only goes for my lips in one big slobbery mess . I wouldn't allow him to kiss anyone else on the lips though or anyone to kiss him on the lips...

Im in my early 30s and kiss my dad on the lips.

Nah F off that's gross and beyond weird

My family used to make me kiss everyone on the lips wen I was a kid. I’d get told off and accused of not loving them if I refused, which I always did because I found it creepy and gross. I would never make my DS kiss anyone, let alone on the lips.

I understand my own natural response as a child from personal experience LaurieMarlow, but my line of work requires me to have training in spotting child abuse, some of which I have shared with you. Unsubstantiated it is not.

Young DCs - lips
Teens - not lips

It's the same between parent and child and between siblings. That's how it's been working out in our family anyway. It's just been what we're all happy and comfortable with, and that changes over time.

Unsubstantiated it is not.

Links then please.

It's always totally wrong for parents to force children to kiss or hug a relative when they're not comfortable in doing so. Lip kissing is more intimate (like it or not), so it will be more of an issue with that than with hugs or kisses on the cheek/forehead. But any kind of insistence is completely wrong.

My MIL has been very offended about our DD2 (8) refusing to come to her when we first arrive at her house and she's suggested that I'm out of order for allowing this, saying that DD1 (11) isn't like that. It's caused a few rows between us because I've refused to back down.

I don't see why anyone would wasn't a child forced to kiss them. My DD2 always warms to her Grandma during the visit and then she'll be affectionate with her.