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Original poster

Do you kiss your kids on the lips

254 replies

louise5754 · 06/04/2020 21:31

Mine are 8 and 10.

Myself, DH, My Mum and Step Dad Sister and Brother in Law kiss my kids on the lips.

My brother and sister in law prefer to kiss them on the cheek.

They prefer not to kiss DH family at all so don't.

If they don't feel like giving family a kiss they won't. It's just something they have always done.

My mum sometimes kisses me on the lips and I kissed my grandparents on the lips until they passed away.

My friend has said she's never kissed her boys on the lips.

Mine are girls not that it makes a difference.

OP posts:
EverythingChanges321 · 07/04/2020 09:10

No, I kiss DS on the cheek goodnight, but never on the lips.
I don’t even kiss DH on the lips.
I hate kissing, I find it yucky. Blush

Alicatz66 · 07/04/2020 09:16

I agree with you @Electrical. My kids are grown up now but I never kissed them in the lips ... rather on their cheeks or heads .. and lots of hugs .. primarily for hygiene reasons and I definitely wouldn't want extended family kissing small children in the lips.

Crazybunnylady123 · 07/04/2020 09:30

I kiss my almost three year old dd on her head, cheeks, nose etc. She often comes up to me and says “I love you mummy” and kisses me on the lips. I don’t stop her she’s my baby and there’s nothing wrong with it.
But I don’t grab her and kiss her lips or anything it’s up to her but I do cuddle her loads, probably too much really but I can’t help it.

Mittens030869 · 07/04/2020 09:52

As long as it's child-led (so you aren't forcing interactions, and that goes not just for lip-kissing but any kind of physical contact).

^This, that's the key issue here, as children need to be taught that they have autonomy over their own body.

I personally do find lip kissing children uncomfortable and I discouraged my DDs from doing it for that reason. I said that it was something special between Mummy and Daddy. It's my issue, I realise that, because I'm a survivor of childhood SA, and there's obviously nothing sexual about loving parents kissing their children on their lips.

Please make it clear to your children, though, that they should never be guilt tripped into kissing close male relatives with lines like 'So you don't love your favourite uncle, who loves to spoil you?' Because you won't hear that being said.

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 07/04/2020 10:04

You skirted the question LotsaDo and then compare the question to your husband sharing a bed with another woman or child. So is kissing and bed sharing linked to sexual behaviour?

Yes, it's intimate and that's where kissing on the lips can get muddied. You say a kiss on the lips is not always sexual but how does a child tell the difference? If you make no distinction between a kiss between yourself and your husband and a kiss on the lips for your child then if that child is ever met with a sexual kiss from an adult then they are less likely to be alarmed by it. Most victims are sexually abused by people well known to then. Personally, by blurring the boundaries, I think you're helping the groomers.

Mittens030869 · 07/04/2020 10:39

@SleepOhHowIMissYou

That's my concern, in a nutshell. It's still very much a taboo subject, which is why people react the way they do, at the suggestion that they're risking blurring the boundaries a child has. But my DM didn't know that my F was abusing us, so when I tried to keep away from him as a teenager, she told me off for hurting his feelings. (Despite her having been abused by the uncle who became her guardian after she was orphaned.)

The issue with what was happening with my DSis and me was that our F was playing the living, playful Daddy to the hilt and, as well as doing a number on us, he was doing the same to her so she made us believe, well into adulthood, that he was a wonderful father.

I remained uncomfortable around him and hated being near him, but my DSis and I had repressed our memories. It was aided by him dying when we were relatively young (28 and 26); he'd had Parkinson's Disease for many years and had multiple strokes so this added to placing him on a pedestal afterwards.

A clue was that my DM came to life after his death, did all the things that he prevented her from doing while he was alive. (I understand now that he was emotionally and financially abusive towards her and incredibly controlling of both her and us. He accused her constantly of cheating (oh the irony).

Our memories came back once we had DC ourselves. Maybe it's made me sometimes too protective, possibly, but in reality I don't know that it's possible to be so. That's not the same as being paranoid (I do trust my DH) but I trust my instincts. But more than that, I talk to my DDs and make sure they know that no one should make them do things they're not comfortable with.

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 07/04/2020 10:51

I'm sorry that this happened to you Mittens. I don't think you're being paranoid in the way you're raising your children, and are absolutely doing the right thing.

Mittens030869 · 07/04/2020 10:55

Thank you, that's very kind. My DDs are also adopted so they're already vulnerable.

golddustwomen · 07/04/2020 14:10

I do. They are 5 and 2. Will move on to cheek at some point though.

LaurieMarlow · 07/04/2020 14:30

Absolutely. I never understood the angst on here (for small children). But then the UK isn't a very tactile or demonstrative culture.

missyB1 · 07/04/2020 15:17

Errmm... am I the only one who thinks that the way we kiss our Dh’s on the lips is totally different to how we would kiss our dc on the lips? I do kiss both of them on the lips but it’s two totally different kinds of kisses!

Iwalkinmyclothing · 07/04/2020 15:27

As babies and small children? Yes, definitely, and in all the years I've been coming to MN I have been repeatedly surprised by just how much it bothers people that in many families, this is totally normal.

As the dc get older I let them guide what physical contact and expressions of affection they are happy with. DS1 (almost 14) is huggy, happy to be kissed on the head or cheek. DS2 (11) is very huggy, goes in for lip kisses with the people he loves the most, will accept kisses to his head or cheeks, really dislikes people touching his chest for any reason at all. DS3 (5) appears to wish he was still in the womb given the extent to which he attempts to make himself physically one with me again, and he plants huge smacking kisses on lips with great gusto.

There is nothing remotely sexual about any expression of affection for my dc, and the thought of the kisses I give my dc being anything like the kisses I give my dh is just weird. But I know other people's experiences and lives are very different.

Babyroobs · 07/04/2020 15:36

No. Why on earth would you?

CorianderLord · 07/04/2020 15:48

I kiss my mum and dad in the lips and I'm 24. Just a peck... but don't see it as weird. Kiss everyone else including siblings on the cheeks

TerrorWig · 07/04/2020 15:56

Yes I do and I think it’s weird when others think it’s weird! Grin Mine are all boys, eldest 11. I don’t force it, they voluntarily do it.

@Babyroobs well, why on earth wouldn’t you? Goes both ways, surely, if you’re going to give a child a kiss at all?

TheLowry · 07/04/2020 16:24

Babies and toddlers - yes.
Older than that - no.

Babyroobs · 07/04/2020 17:08

I wouldn't because you stand much more of a risk of passing things like cold sore virus or any other nasty cold or virus on than a kiss on the cheek. just common sense really ! The risk is much higher than kissing a cheek.

Chiyo666 · 07/04/2020 17:12

Yep. All my family are kiss on the lips types.

TimeForDinnerDinnerDinner · 07/04/2020 17:41

No. Never seen the necessity to do that.

QuestionableMouse · 07/04/2020 17:46

Nope. I find it creepy.

OuterMongolia · 07/04/2020 17:51

No I don't.

phoenixrosehere · 07/04/2020 17:55

Only if my kids kiss me. My boys kiss me on the lips while I will kiss them on the head, cheeks, and blow raspberries on their bellies.

My parents didn’t but they weren’t the affectionate type anyway. I don’t even feel comfortable hugging them and it is awkward when we do. My husband is from the NE and he still kisses his parents on the lips. Doesn’t bother me, however did find it interesting considering what I was told about British culture.

purplemonkeyinabubblegumtree · 07/04/2020 18:05

Yep, but only the women.

I kiss my mum and sisters on the lips, my mum kisses my baby son on the lips and I always kissed my grandmother on the lips.

I'd actually not thought about it until you said it, but the men of the family aren't lip kissers, they're huggers and slap on the backers.

But yes, all the women are incredibly tactile but I also grew up in a naked kind of house - I'm one of 4 girls and we've always just got changed in front of each other without ever giving it a second thought. It wasn't until I got older and went on holiday with girlfriends that I realised not everyone is comfortable with that

Mintjulia · 07/04/2020 18:07

No. I Kiss my ds on the top of the head- while he’s still little Smile
It won’t be long before I can’t reach.

Darbs76 · 07/04/2020 18:11

I kissed my own kids on lips when smaller (don’t know at 12 and 15 as they’d hate it) but grandparents / uncles etc didn’t

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