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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH on furlough, but won't help around the house!

107 replies

whyarepeoplesostupid · 05/04/2020 21:00

I know IANBU, but it's probably my own fault for knowingly marrying a spoilt manchild with very old fashioned views....

He works part time and has just been furloughed, but he also does some self-employed work which he can keep doing. It started as a hobby but grew into a business which does make money, however, he can't make any more money while this situation is going on. He can do some maintenance and keep himself busy - not essential but he will be very happy doing that.

I on the other hand have 2 pre-teens at home, one with SEN who really needs support for all his schoolwork, and the other also needs a fair bit of help. Plus they need feeding at lunchtimes now, as will DH, and we need to buy more food, the house needs more cleaning, and so on. I work part time and will still do that from home, plus I need to do DH's business returns, VAT returns, and ongoing paperwork.

Today I said he would need to start doing his share around the house and he wasn't just having a lovely holiday - and he was very miffed and said 'well I don't know how to do shopping or housework or cleaning. I would manage if you were ill but otherwise it's not my job'. He then mentioned a couple of gardening jobs he's done lately - totalling maybe 10 hours! AIBU to explain I probably do 10 hours every day looking after the family? I am so mad I don't know where to start.....Angry

OP posts:
MrsSpenserGregson · 05/04/2020 21:01

It’s not his JOB?

SharonasCorona · 05/04/2020 21:03

He's a knob, OP. I would lose my shit.

Is he like this all the time? Leave the twat!

Wetcarparkrain · 05/04/2020 21:03

What???

Pickupapenguinnnn · 05/04/2020 21:04

plus I need to do DH's business returns, VAT returns, and ongoing paperwork.

NO you don't. Why can't he do them? Don't be a walk over.

JKScot4 · 05/04/2020 21:04

Why are you doing his paperwork, making lunches etc?
He can do these things, tbf you should have stopped waiting on him years ago.
See to yourself and DC and let him feed himself, do his laundry etc

funnylittlefloozie · 05/04/2020 21:06

He doesnt know how to do shopping or cleaning or housework? Has he had some kind of catastrophic brain injury?

JKScot4 · 05/04/2020 21:07

@funnylittlefloozie
🤣🤣🤣🏆

CandyLeBonBon · 05/04/2020 21:07

Spoilt man child is right!

NiteFlights · 05/04/2020 21:08

Well, don’t do his VAT etc for a start.

What’s he doing when he’s not working on his business?

Summertime2 · 05/04/2020 21:10

This is not ok. My DH is a full time lawyer, still working full time but now from home. We have 2 kids. We are now all pulling our weight, sharing household chores, cooking and cleaning. Sorry but your DH is a lazy shit.

KatzP · 05/04/2020 21:11

Really needs to be told that no isn’t an option. Although how you’ve got this far into the relationship with this still being an issue is beyond me.

TheFutureMrsHardy · 05/04/2020 21:11

More fool you for letting him get away with it for all this time.

I can never understand why women enable men to behave like this.

Bananabixfloof · 05/04/2020 21:13

Ah dont tell me, hes one of those men who's penis gets in the way of working out the washing machine dials and other so called "womens"work.
Well why dont you just do your own stuff and the kids, and leave him to it. If he ruins his clothes, oh well, if he gives himself food poisoning, oh well. You get the idea.

cavabiensepasser · 05/04/2020 21:15

Do nothing for him. He'll soon learn if he has nothing to wear. In fact, make his life absoliute hell until he starts pulling his weight.

Winterwoollies · 05/04/2020 21:16

I couldn’t be with someone who thinks that housework, cooking, cleaning and child-raising wasn’t his JOB. His parents have a lot to answer for. Jesus.

Northernwarrior · 05/04/2020 21:17

I think a lot of women are finally seeing what tools they have married during this outbreak.

Wearywithteens · 05/04/2020 21:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Mistystar99 · 05/04/2020 21:20

Down tools. Do essentials for you and DC and do nothing for this major arse.

DdraigGoch · 05/04/2020 21:20

'well I don't know how to do shopping or housework or cleaning. I would manage if you were ill but otherwise it's not my job'
I would give yourself food poisoning. He'd have to learn quickly then.

Oh, and don't be a walkover. Stick the shopping bags, a list and the car keys in his hand, then usher him out of the door.

Quickquestion2020 · 05/04/2020 21:25

You need to list all the jobs together that need doing and the time for each. Then share them out. If he wont do his fair share then stop doing anything for him.

Fespital · 05/04/2020 21:29

^What Question said. Treat it like a house share. Divvy up jobs. Do yours and if he doesn't do his it'll be obvious he's not pulling his weight.

Distressingtimes · 05/04/2020 21:35

I would manage if you were ill but otherwise it's not my job

At which point I would become terribly ill and take to my bed with a 3 day migraine or lock myself in the bathroom with a book a fake a tummy bug.

copycopypaste · 05/04/2020 21:39

Not his job, doesn't know how to do it... I'd have lost my shit with him after these comments. Disrespectful twat

SueEllenMishke · 05/04/2020 21:39

Not his job?????!!!!
Shocking.
Time to stop doing anything for him as it's not your job to look after another grown adult.

copycopypaste · 05/04/2020 21:41

Not his job, doesn't know how to do it... I'd have lost my shit with him after these comments. Disrespectful twat

You've got three choices, stay and put up with it. Divvy up the jobs and give him an ultimatum or use this time to get your stuff in order and leave him ASAP.