DH on furlough, but won't help around the house!

[whyarepeoplesostupid]

I know IANBU, but it's probably my own fault for knowingly marrying a spoilt manchild with very old fashioned views....

He works part time and has just been furloughed, but he also does some self-employed work which he can keep doing. It started as a hobby but grew into a business which does make money, however, he can't make any more money while this situation is going on. He can do some maintenance and keep himself busy - not essential but he will be very happy doing that.

I on the other hand have 2 pre-teens at home, one with SEN who really needs support for all his schoolwork, and the other also needs a fair bit of help. Plus they need feeding at lunchtimes now, as will DH, and we need to buy more food, the house needs more cleaning, and so on. I work part time and will still do that from home, plus I need to do DH's business returns, VAT returns, and ongoing paperwork.

Today I said he would need to start doing his share around the house and he wasn't just having a lovely holiday - and he was very miffed and said 'well I don't know how to do shopping or housework or cleaning. I would manage if you were ill but otherwise it's not my job'. He then mentioned a couple of gardening jobs he's done lately - totalling maybe 10 hours! AIBU to explain I probably do 10 hours every day looking after the family? I am so mad I don't know where to start.....

It’s not his job?????!!!! That sentence right there would be marriage ending for me. What a twat.

He needs telling straight, and the paperwork is "his jpb" not yours. (Though given what you've said not unreasonable to do it if things are fairly distributed elsewhere.

You need to lay it on the line - be direct with no game-playing, and don't tolerate any attempt at "I don't know how to do it". He's a grown adult capable of holding down a full-time job, he can figure it out. And give him short shrift if you see any strategic incompetence. (Where he does a terrible job intentionally so that you'll take over and he can "prove" he doesn't know how to do it).

Cocklodger!

How do your earnings compare?

Well if he's no idea where to start now is the perfect opportunity isn't it?

One of the many reasons I left my abusive ex, is that he was a piss taker trying to avoid doing any housework at all. Even to the point of getting the DC to do it all when I wasn't around. Yet still had the audacity to berate us for not doing it. (I am friends with ex's first wife, turns out he was the same with her.)

No way will I ever in the future have a relationship where the other person takes the piss.

I've made sure both DC, male and female, are capable of doing chores, all of them. And they can and do. I generally say what needs doing and they will get on with some of the chores each. And I do my fair share. (They are mid to late teens, so perfectly capable of sharing the chores.)

Stop doing his business admin. He doesn't respect you

at teaching him how to shop with a toy till!

You could extend this to housework. A list of all the things that need doing - with clear instructions on how to do each one. No excuses then!