Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandaughter very clingy to her mum

120 replies

Lockdownhair · 05/04/2020 10:03

My 3 year old grandaughter is very clingy to her mum. So much so that she won't let my son do anything for her if she's around. I get that favourtism is normal at this age. She goes to nursery & cries in a heartbroken way at drop off. She is the same when she's dropped off here. After about 10 mins with some distraction she is fine & plays happily all day here & at nursery with her friends. It's not the places she has a problem with but it's the moment of seperation that is the problem. She has always been the same since she was born. I would expect her to cope with drop off after 3 years! I'm worried that she won't grow out of it in time for school, that she'll be the cry baby at the school gate who could get teased for it. Does anyone have any advice please?

OP posts:
Bienentrinkwasser · 05/04/2020 10:04

It’s totally normal. You seem to be trying to turn this into a criticism of your DIL.

B0bbin · 05/04/2020 10:05

It's completely normal. There are always loads of kids crying for their mums the first few weeks of school. She will be fine

Bazoo23 · 05/04/2020 10:06

She hasn't said anything remotely critical of the DIL Hmm

Selfsettling3 · 05/04/2020 10:06

Totally normal. For us what helped with DD1 was DH taking DD1 out the house every weekend for some time with just the two of them. Are her parents worried or happy with the situation? If they are happy then it’s nothing to do with you.

Michaelbaubles · 05/04/2020 10:06

My DD is clingy, always has been, she’s a real Mummy’s girl and at 6 likes nothing more than to sit on my knee sucking her thumb and being thoroughly babied.

However she settled into school very well and is outgoing and confident there. The security of knowing I’m there and will coddle her when needed gives her the courage to go out in the world. It gets less needed as time goes on. Different DC have different attachment needs.

Enough4me · 05/04/2020 10:06

She's being normal, stressing about who she is and blaming your DIL is uncalled for.

QualityFeet · 05/04/2020 10:07

Mine were all like that at 3, one struggled with the first few weeks of school the others were instantly fine. They are all very independent these days.

welldonejean · 05/04/2020 10:07

Totally normal, it’ll pass.

Besom · 05/04/2020 10:08

I think it's a bit young to be worrying about this. My younger brother was terribly clingy with my mum. She had to walk round the place with him literally clinging to her leg. He grew out of it when he started school and became a very confident person actually.

Thescrewinthetuna · 05/04/2020 10:08

It’s normal and she will grow out of it

MaidenMotherCrone · 05/04/2020 10:08

Would you be as concerned if your granddaughter was clingy with your son?
Probably not.

TheLoveOfMoney · 05/04/2020 10:08

If she is the primary caregiver then its completely normal. Is she a stay at home mum? If so then she is your granddaughters comfort, I don't think it's anything to worry about. The concern would be if she was crying endlessly after drop off but seeing as it's over in 10 minutes then that's a good thing.

JoyceDivision · 05/04/2020 10:08

Why not pike the bear and mention this to your DIL? The only thing that comes across here is you're not happy your gd likes bring with her mum and you don't see the same with her and your son.

If it is a problem at school, school will help sort it out. Then your unhappiness regarding favouritism / your gd loving her mum shall be settled!

Are you sure she doesn't like coming to certain places?

ChazP · 05/04/2020 10:09

Totally normal. My son cried at every drop off at nursery. The best it ever got was sad resignation. When he started school he skipped in through the doors with barely a backwards glance.

KillerofMen · 05/04/2020 10:09

I think that's fine and appropriate at 3. Obviously it's not a problem at the moment anyway.

Eskarina1 · 05/04/2020 10:10

More children than you'd expect cry at drop off. When one of mine did, his friends would come to the door and encourage him in.

formerbabe · 05/04/2020 10:10

Sounds normal to me. My dd was like this with me.

NerrSnerr · 05/04/2020 10:11

Totally normal at that age and older. My daughter is in year 1 and is in a mixed year 1 and 2 class and some children still cry when they go in and no other children seem to bat an eyelid.

Witchend · 05/04/2020 10:11

My most clingy to me at that age was also the most confident when going into school.
Totally normal.

screwcovid19 · 05/04/2020 10:12

Completely normal.

Prettyprettyplease · 05/04/2020 10:13

My clingiest baby/toddler was my most confident child!

Seeitsortit · 05/04/2020 10:13

Totally normal - I remember this Velcro stage well

Gamble66 · 05/04/2020 10:13

Nothing even remotely unusual about this at 3 - it's two years before she goes to school and she obviously already goes to nursery so her mother is not hiding her in a cupboard from everyone and building a false dependancy. Which makes me think you should look at your own motivations and feelings around this.

Oysterbabe · 05/04/2020 10:14

Normal.

Seeitsortit · 05/04/2020 10:15

Oh - and totally confident 17 year old now - on about travelling around Europe when she is 19 (at 18 she said uni is going to be the focus getting sorted for that but planning a trip to one of the European GP’s)