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Original poster

Grandaughter very clingy to her mum

120 replies

Lockdownhair · 05/04/2020 10:03

My 3 year old grandaughter is very clingy to her mum. So much so that she won't let my son do anything for her if she's around. I get that favourtism is normal at this age. She goes to nursery & cries in a heartbroken way at drop off. She is the same when she's dropped off here. After about 10 mins with some distraction she is fine & plays happily all day here & at nursery with her friends. It's not the places she has a problem with but it's the moment of seperation that is the problem. She has always been the same since she was born. I would expect her to cope with drop off after 3 years! I'm worried that she won't grow out of it in time for school, that she'll be the cry baby at the school gate who could get teased for it. Does anyone have any advice please?

OP posts:
MadameMeursault · 05/04/2020 10:48

Normal.

Why are people saying OP has criticised her DIL though? She hasn’t.

PinkiOcelot · 05/04/2020 10:48

One of my dds was like this, the other not at all. It’ll pass I’m sure x

Am I reading a different post? Where the DIL bashing?!!

RightOnTheEdge · 05/04/2020 10:49

It's totally normal she's only 3!
Mine were like that for the first few weeks at nursery it's heart wrenching but then they loved going when they got used to it.
I also worked at the nursery attached to my dcs primary and lots of children were like this. The teachers are very experienced and have seen it hundreds of times. They know how to deal with it.

My youngest is in year 2 and there are still sometimes children who cry and don't want to go in. The other children either ignore them or are really supportive in encouraging their friend to go in with them.
It's far to early to be worrying about all that anyway!

loulou0987 · 05/04/2020 10:49

Completely normal, what are you worried about specifically?

ItsAllTheDramaMickIJustLoveIt · 05/04/2020 10:49

Totally normal. Most children I know including my own have been this way, some more clingy than others. It does pass in time though.

WinterCat · 05/04/2020 10:50

It’s perfectly normal.

DD1 was not at all clingy at that age but there were occasions in her first year of school that she would be clingy at drop off. Throughout her time there I saw more than two thirds of her class also be teary at school drop off. It’s normal and not something the children are bullied for.

DD2 was so clingy and I really worried about her being able to go anywhere but she was the one who did accept it and would calmly wave goodbye.

MadameMeursault · 05/04/2020 10:51

You sound like a lovely caring DGM btw

bellinisurge · 05/04/2020 10:54

Normal . My clingy dd at that age is now larking about with her dad trying to pass the time. You are a parent. Don't you remember this?

Bingeslayer · 05/04/2020 10:55

My 7 year old would rather be with me than her non resident dad,nan,aunties etc no matter how boring I make it for her in the hope she'll give me a break GrinGrin
Some kids are like that.

JumpingOnTheBed · 05/04/2020 10:57

I've done everything to ensure my 3 year old DD wouldn't be clingy, she wasn't for ages and then 2-3years....it's ALL about mummy.

I wouldn't worry about it, it's out of your hands and as she then has a great day at yours and nursery then that's all that counts.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 05/04/2020 10:57

My little boy was the same. He grew out of it at about 3 and half and is fiercely independent 11 year old.

Singinginshower · 05/04/2020 11:02

OP it's good that you can see she settles down happily at yours after 10 minutes and are able to reassure your DIL and DS of this.
I used to worry that my DS was being totally traumatised by being left at nursery crying in the morning

phoenixrosehere · 05/04/2020 11:07

I apologise.

I let my own experience interfere and what I’ve seen other grandparents do. I wanted to bang my head the number of times I was told that I was spoiling my children, that they were too clingy to me, and the most annoying one making a rod for my own back when what it was really about was that they wanted more of a cuddle and my boys weren’t comfortable with them.

I did childcare for over a decade before having my boys and it really is completely normal. It’s rare that you would not see a child or two crying at that age. My oldest is 5, in reception and there are still kids who are crying when I drop him off. The kids aren’t bothered or usually trying to comfort the child or give them space or there’s a teacher or key worker consoling the child.

ScatteredMama82 · 05/04/2020 11:10

Totally normal. My eldest was like this, my youngest practically pushes me out the door at drop off 😆 It will pass.

sestras · 05/04/2020 11:10

Most kids cry at some point at the school gate so I wouldn't worry about that.

Wibblewobble99 · 05/04/2020 11:11

My daughter is exactly like this - she’s nearly 3. It doesn’t help that I’m now WFH and her dad is a police officer so isn’t about consistently (or as consistently as a toddler brain can handle). It’s exhausting, I really find it very trying. It’s like having a shadow all day. Even when I try and have a break she’ll hunt me down. I feel for DIL. I think all you can do is encourage breaks for your DIL and be safe in the knowledge after a few minutes of distraction they’re fine. X

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/04/2020 11:19

cry baby at the school gate
Is a horrible thing to say. Please change your mindset.

My dd struggled at nursery then school drop off. She was the most difficult of all the children to settle. This continued into yr1 when she was close to refusing to go to school. Then when she was older, into yr3 she still insisted on holding my hand in line. I very much tried to do this as gently as possible. Forcing her would have been worse and she is definitely not compliant, which I am glad about. Not once did other children tease her. She couldn’t cope with separating from me until she was almost 8 btw.

You cannot change children to suddenly be ready to separate from their caregiver. My dd is 11 and a confident child. She is doing things at her own pace. Some things she is ahead at and other things not. And every child of her age differs. There are some factors perhaps contributing to this, namely my health, however, she’s likely always going to have been a clingy to mummy child.

wibblewobblejiggle · 05/04/2020 11:20

Where is live they start school full time the September after their third birthday.

We were so so worried about our DD.
DS was loud confident and would walk up to people and start talking. He walked straight into school on his first day and never looked back. They were chalk and cheese and we prepared for a meltdown.

She was verbally delayed. She was particular etc.
She would cry when dropped off at her childminder sometimes.
We could not believe it when we got to the door and she pulled her hand out of mine. Walked passed the crying children and went in.
She didn't look back.
She didn't even say bye.

We stood there in disbelief.
She did that every day. I manage to get a bye and kiss sometimes.

Honestly. She could really surprise you.

Mittens030869 · 05/04/2020 11:24

My DD2 (8) is still very clingy, she comes into our bed for comfort after a nightmare and is constantly looking for 'big cuddles'. DD1 (11) is closer to my DH. They're adopted, so they're both overly anxious about things, which is also understandable.

Despite her clinginess, DD2 has never cried in front of her school friends and her 'street cred' is very important to her. She's very popular so being clingy hasn't affected her. Smile

Your DGD will be fine, she sounds very happy and developing into a very well adjusted little girl.

WeAllHaveWings · 05/04/2020 11:30

ds went through a stage where he would cry/cling on tightly all the time.

When he was dropped off at nursery, when he was dropped off at his grans. By either me or dh.

He would also cling onto one of the nursery staff (didn't matter which one) for dear life when either dh or I arrived to take him home and we would have to prise his fingers off one by one to get him to let go! 😳 He would then do the plank in the car seat so I couldn't get him into it, but was fine as soon as he was strapped in the car.

They can just get overwhelmed by change at that age. Completely normal.

BillywigSting · 05/04/2020 11:32

Totally normal. I'd say about half of the children in ds's class in reception cried in the first few weeks. The ones that didn't were the cohort that had been in the school nursery the year before and about half of them cried in their nursery year.

mummyof2boys30 · 05/04/2020 11:34

My almost 8 year old is still like this. Had just turned a corner with school before lockdown so fully expect him to regress when he eventually goes back to school. He hasn't been bullied and plenty of friends. They just accept that's the way he is. He does get support for anxiety though. He wasn't like this when he was younger so you just never know what will happen.

BubblyBarbara · 05/04/2020 11:35

Maybe your DS should spend more time with his child to build up the bond.

zigaziga · 05/04/2020 11:39

My children have always been really clingy when I am around. Until a bit over 3 years old my first would cry when I was in the bath and he was left with DH. However if DH took him out for a day he would love it and wouldn’t ask for me once.

My son cried every day at drop off until he went to an actual pre-school setting, where he was fine. It’s one of the reasons number 2 won’t be going to nursery.

Actually, I’d be very upset if my MIL was incredibly worried about these very normal things and trying to ask for advice.

Roselilly36 · 05/04/2020 11:39

Normal for a child of 3, my DS’s were like this, it will be likely to change so try not to worry about it