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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say that dd1 can't get a job in a supermarket?

133 replies

Tonyaster · 04/04/2020 12:17

Because dd2 has asthma fairly badly?

Dd1 is desperate for a job at the beginning of May when she's finished her uni coursework. But dd2 is in the vulnerable group according to the chart on the asthma uk website. I've said no to dd1 working outside the home. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
MintyMabel · 04/04/2020 14:03

It's totally hypocritical to say she cannot work outside home when DH is

It really isn’t. You know that risk isn’t an all or nothing situation. Risk from one adult Is lower than the risk of two working outside.

GemmeFatale · 04/04/2020 14:10

Farming. Farms are crying out for people and provide housing for workers.

Jux · 04/04/2020 14:13

As an adult - and if she wants to be treated as one while living with you - she has to assess the risks involved in whatever she does, which should take into account the views of and effects on the others in the household.

Therefore, the adult decision for her is not to expose others in her household to unnecessary risk.

If she just wants to be busy she needs to take up an engrossing hobby.

KittyKatt73 · 04/04/2020 14:23

I have a friend who lives with her elderly parents and her DD2 has asthma. Her DD1 works in a supermarket.
Her conditions are that DD2 gets out of work clothes sanitises hands face etc at front door, goes straight into shower and only then can she interact with her sister.
Its working for them.

knittingaddict · 04/04/2020 14:29

KittyKatt73

How does that work? If DD1 has caught coronavirus at work then all the showering and sanitising in the world isn't going to stop her passing it on.

I appreciate it may reduce the risk, but it doesn't stop her getting it and passing it on.

sergeilavrov · 04/04/2020 14:34

Due to a multitude of factors, we have our nephew (17) living with us for the foreseeable future. He lost out on his job in the UK to be here and he can’t get a job in the country we live in. He doesn’t pay us to take care of him, of course, but we are able to pay him the salary he misses out on. We are very fortunate to be able to do so, but if you can do that, please do. Just like we still pay our household workers while they stay safe at home, and hair appointments paid while I don’t attend them. If you’re in a fortunate position, always nice to try and support those with less financial security. I’m still working and traveling for essential business purposes outside of the home, and I think this helps him feel like he’s not losing out on anything beyond the four walls!

Original poster
Tonyaster · 04/04/2020 14:34

Yes agree with the poster above who said she needs an engrossing hobby! Shame that texting her boyfriend every 5 mins doesn't seem to be enough Grin

OP posts:
Canuckduck · 04/04/2020 14:49

Such silly responses. Of course she shouldn’t work. It’s a student job, she’s not that bothered, doesn’t need the money and have a vulnerable child. It’s not worth the risk. She can find something else to keep her busy.

Her father’s key worker job which supports the family isn’t a relevant consideration.

Rememberallball · 04/04/2020 14:55

The thing with the Asthma UK website is it lists the ‘high dose’ steroid inhalers that would make you high risk but doesn’t also state that, these should be considered in conjunction with whether you take them alongside other drugs such as montelukast or oral steroids. Other reasons are having ever had an admission to ITU for asthma reasons or had 3 or more courses of high dose steroids in the past year. I am considered high risk as I take high dose of high strength combination steroid inhaler, take oral steroids every day and require high dose steroids for exacerbation of asthma more than 3 times a year but it had to be confirmed by my GP who has updated the system the government are using.

QuestionMarkNow · 04/04/2020 15:17

no one is going to change your mind @Tonyaster... so i'm wondering why you are asking the question.

Fwiw, self isolating in your house does NOT include going out for a walk with another member of the household.
From what you said, regardess of whether she has her own bedroom and bathroom, she is not self isolating within the house.

Original poster
Tonyaster · 04/04/2020 15:18

The thing with the Asthma UK website is it lists the ‘high dose’ steroid inhalers that would make you high risk but doesn’t also state that, these should be considered in conjunction with whether you take them alongside other drugs such as montelukast or oral steroids

It does state this. It's the fact she has montelukast in combination with high dose steroids. She hasn't been admitted to an ITU but did go to A andE earlier this year where they put her on a drip.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tonyaster · 04/04/2020 15:21

no one is going to change your mind @Tonyaster... so i'm wondering why you are asking the question

No one has given me a good reason as to why it would be safe for dd1 to get a job in a supermarket, which is why I haven't changed my mind, in fact all the reasons to say IABU are silly and just an excuse to have a pop, for the most part.

I probably would have thought again if anyone had given an intelligent reason why IABU, but they haven't, so...

OP posts:
WitchesGlove · 04/04/2020 15:28

What about care work?

Going from house to house? With PPE?

user1487194234 · 04/04/2020 15:29

She's an adult
YABU

Original poster
Tonyaster · 04/04/2020 15:31

What about care work? Going from house to house? With PPE?

Not sure how easy it is to get decent PPE atm!

OP posts:
katedan · 04/04/2020 15:39

We are in a similar position, DS got a job in a low budget supermarket chain in February after trying to get a job for the last 9 months as there is so few Saturday jobs for teenagers, he is 16 so it is pocket money only. He has carried on working through the pandemic which I have been very proud off. He is of the generation that are considered snowflakes and I feel it demonstrated commitment and a strong work ethic as he has the perfect opputunity to quit. However I am very worried about him working both for his health and the health of the rest of the family. I am medium risk due to a heart condition. Both DH and I are WAH so he is the only person going to work. However he wants to work and someone has to work in the shops but I do worry a lot.

katedan · 04/04/2020 15:49

Gosh having now read this whole thread I feel even worse about him working. I just know if he packs this job in now once this is all over he will struggle to get another job. Hoping the shop chain will close so he has no choice!

Andi2020 · 04/04/2020 16:35

@katedan let him go to his job.
I'm sure the shop have them well informed on how to work with this. He is also a key worker if all shop staff stayed at home no one would have food and there would be people dying off hunger.
Get him to isolate at home which teenagers love to do and this is what I would suggest for your daughter @Tonyaster let her get a job and isolate at home. I have a 16yo dd and she works in a cinema which is currently closed so not at work and doesn't get any money due to age which is unfair to students trying to pay for things.

VegetableMunge · 04/04/2020 20:38

The posts saying you're being hypocritical are batshit.

ACertainSupermarket · 04/04/2020 20:44

You cannot social distance in a supermarket, no matter how hard we try - people just walk past you within breathing distance. I was worried we wouldn't be allowed to wear masks but thank goodness we have very supportive management that is providing gloves and are happy with whatever you wear to feel safe.
But right now, second to a hospital, a shop is the place you are most likely to catch CV because of the concentration of people.

ACertainSupermarket · 04/04/2020 20:46

Her conditions are that DD2 gets out of work clothes sanitises hands face etc at front door, goes straight into shower and only then can she interact with her sister.

Myself and most of my colleagues do this now too.

Ginfordinner · 04/04/2020 20:47

It's totally hypocritical to say she cannot work outside home when DH is.

Doesn't it depend what the OP's husband does for a living? He works on his own in his own office, and isn't face to face with loads of different strangers all day every day, some of whom may have the virus.

The complete lack of understanding from some posters on here is mind boggling. They clearly don't have vulnerable family members at home.

@Tonyaster I would share your concerns as well. Ignore the posters who say YABU. They simply don't understand.

katseyes7 · 04/04/2020 21:13

l work on a supermarket checkout. Currently off work with Coronavirus symptoms. My friend from work has also gone sick, the day after me.
Two weeks ago we had the first NHS 'hour' on Sunday morning. The place was packed out. When we got to our tills at 10am (start of Sunday trading) the queues were right down the aisles and back to the entrance.
No social distancing of any kind that day.
The weekend after (l only work Fridays and weekends) - queueing outside, one customer out, one customer in. Social distancing markers instore and at the checkouts. We had gloves, spray and wipes, checkouts cleaned regularly, we sanitised the card readers and our screens every 2 customers.
Still too many people having to be reminded over and over again about paying attention to distancing. Too many people paying cash and handing over their loyalty cards to be scanned.
l had one man at my till last Sunday afternoon who announced "l've just come back from Mexico this morning! lf we hadn't gone, we'd have lost our money."
l was furious. He should have been self isolating, not in a bloody supermarket.
l rarely leave the house normally apart from twice a week to the local shops for fresh stuff, otherwise only for work. l'm in isolation now. My symptoms started on Monday. Sore throat, bad headache, fever, ears felt odd (like when l had vertigo, and my 'eardrums were bulging' according to the GP l saw then) - not painful, just weird. Exhausted, totally wiped out. Strangely, though, not much of a cough until tonight. My work colleague's had the cough a couple of days.
l'm over 60. l have asthma. l have a history of pneumonia and lung problems. Currently waiting for a haematology appointment because of dodgy bloods results, but all the clinics are currently closed. l didn't receive any kind of communication telling me not to go to work, so l had no option not to go.

lf l had the choice, l wouldn't have been working. But no letter, no authorisation, so l had to go. l think, so far, l've been lucky. Unless it gets worse. Fingers crossed it doesn't.
Speaking personally, l'd be staying at home if l really didn't have to work.

Original poster
Tonyaster · 04/04/2020 21:31

katseyes7 oh god Sad really hope you are ok.

OP posts:
Strangebrew · 04/04/2020 21:36

To be honest I'd do everything I could to stop her. I've just gone on unpaid leave from the supermarket I work in, as I am also asthmatic and this is the only way I can protect myself.

The last few weeks have been awful, so much abuse from customers every day either because of stock not being in or because they don't like having to queue outside or being asked where and how to queue at checkouts. Social distancing has been absolutely impossible to achieve and the result has been colleagues getting sick - some with Covid symptoms and some with stress. We have very little PPE available to us. In all it's been horrible and unfortunately since I can't afford to be off indefinitely I will be back in a few weeks risking my life for some of the lowest wages in the retail sector.