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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say that dd1 can't get a job in a supermarket?

133 replies

Tonyaster · 04/04/2020 12:17

Because dd2 has asthma fairly badly?

Dd1 is desperate for a job at the beginning of May when she's finished her uni coursework. But dd2 is in the vulnerable group according to the chart on the asthma uk website. I've said no to dd1 working outside the home. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
CremeEggThief · 04/04/2020 12:52

How do you know she'll even get a supermarket job? My son has applied to all the supermarkets in my town and all the jobs are already gone.

Sonichu · 04/04/2020 12:55

Are you willing to give her the money she would be making at work?

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 04/04/2020 12:55

Of course she is an adult and can do as she pleases, but if she is living with a vulnerable person at home, she needs to choose between getting the job and moving out, or staying there but not working.

She is an adult now, if she wants to take her own decisions and by that risking a sibling, she can move out, in fact, you are in your right to ask her to leave if she insists.

Ginfordinner · 04/04/2020 12:56

I don't believe the people on mumsnet that say adult children can do what they like even have adult children tbh.

Or anyone vulnerable at home either.

VegetableMunge · 04/04/2020 13:00

DD2's health takes priority so no YANBU. That being said, I wouldn't be charging her anything to live with you in these circumstances unless you can't afford to keep her otherwise.

sandragreen · 04/04/2020 13:01

I have two adult children.

It's totally hypocritical to say she cannot work outside home when DH is.

vanillandhoney · 04/04/2020 13:02

Presumably you can afford to keep her until September (or later, as this could go on much longer) then?

Pentium85 · 04/04/2020 13:02

Has she had a letter? If not, not sure how 'bad' the asthma is. DH has asthma, cannot go through the day without inhalers, but isn't classed as vulnerable as is still working in a school.

YANBU if you are happy to give her the money she would earn otherwise
YABU if not

Alanna1 · 04/04/2020 13:03

I think you should let her get the job but help her keep safe in it. Once she has the job she can ask for a risk assessment too. There will be higher and lower risk jobs eg shelf stacking versus cashier. She can wash her clothes on returning home.

newyearnoeu · 04/04/2020 13:03

staypositivepeople - I would 100% agree if dd was working from her student house. If she's in OPs home no OP can't stop her from getting a job BUT she can say she can't live there if she's going to be working if she puts others at risk. Particularly if OP isn't charging her rent or keep so she doesn't need a job.

On the other hand, OP "She has plenty of money, she just wants to be busy." Isn't this a good attitude you'd like to encourage?
There will be a LOT (including your own DH) of people who are either working or volunteering whilst living with others who are at a higher risk.
Is there any compromise you can reach, e.g. not working in supermarket but somewhere else, like some of the options pps have mentioned? online tutoring?

Although, in fairness, supermarkets are probably much reduced risk now than they were two weeks ago - crowds have reduced, most places have finally introduced shields/PPE etc, encouraged paying contactless. even shelf stacking/packing for deliveries or click and collect in the early hours before the shop opens, would be lower risk again.

WtfIsThisEven · 04/04/2020 13:03

Why did you ask then? Did you just want everyone to agree with you?

Wheresthebeach · 04/04/2020 13:03

Nope...just nope...your DD may not be in the shielded group but she’s still at higher risk of having serious complications if she gets Covid. In no way is it worth the risk.

Thornhill58 · 04/04/2020 13:04

I think for now would be better to postpone working because it may put her in contact with carriers.

Skyr2 · 04/04/2020 13:06

“I don't believe the people on mumsnet that say adult children can do what they like even have adult children tbh.”

Yes,I agree, I often think that when I look at replies on MN. I think once they have older teens they may feel entirely different, as they are still our children and dependents if in FT education even at uni.

Original poster
Tonyaster · 04/04/2020 13:06

Thanks, wasn't sure what the risks were. Probably shouldn't have posted in AIBU, forgot about how aggressive it can be. We all have plenty of money. Hopefully she'll find something she can do from home.

OP posts:
Unicornflakegirl · 04/04/2020 13:07

If she's not paying rent to you, or food, then I think you could persuade her, but it is a bit hypocritical if DH is going out to work.
If she just wants to be busy could she volunteer, our local authority has volunteers WFH making telephone calls to lonely people.

Permenantlyexhaustedpidgeon · 04/04/2020 13:07

I’m torn - I think the risk is such she should not take the job if she doesn’t need to, however I also think you are being really hypocritical with your husband working outside the home.

Babyroobs · 04/04/2020 13:07

We have this dilemma too op. Dh severely asthmatic and in the shielding group so I've said my two teenage ds's shouldn't be looking for supermarket jobs. Would rather them be skint than out their dad at risk.

YangShanPo · 04/04/2020 13:08

Yes there's a difference between normal times when I would say adult children should be allowed to make their own choices and during this pandemic when you have a vulnerable family member. Still I would try not to put it as you are not allowing her to do it but asking her to make this sacrifice for the good of the family and you would appreciate it.

lockdownstress · 04/04/2020 13:08

Asthma UK have done their own interpretation of the guidelines which advises many many more people to shield than the official advice. Shielding should only be if admitted in the last year or ever been in ITU due to asthma

TestBank · 04/04/2020 13:08

I think your husband should move out tbh, otherwise you are just being illogical

1forsorrow · 04/04/2020 13:09

If DD 2 is that vulnerable your husband shouldn't be working.

19lottie82 · 04/04/2020 13:09

it is a bit hypocritical if DH is going out to
work.

Don’t be silly.

Working to feed your family and pay bills = essential.

Working for pocket money and because you’re bored = not essential.

Fundays12 · 04/04/2020 13:09

I have severe asthma according to the website and have been socially isolating with my kids since a week before lock down (kids were removed from school and nursery). My dh is fully working from home and the NHS who he works for have said given my condition this is best. Your DD should not be working in a supermarket whilst living with you given the corona virus is massively dangerous to her sister.

ZebrasAreHorsesInPyjamas · 04/04/2020 13:10

@Tonyaster
Erm yes I can if she lives in my house and has a vulnerable sibling.

I don't believe the people on mumsnet that say adult children can do what they like even have adult children tbh.

Why are you posting then?

I think if your DH is going out to work then your DD might as well. So long as she is careful, washes hands, changes clothes etc I would let her.