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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour isn't a key worker

351 replies

TrulyOutrageousJem · 03/04/2020 12:36

Since working from home I have moved my desk into the bay window. It's nice to see cars and occasionally people and to not be staring at a blank wall. I'm new to the street and only moved in two months ago so I'm not on chatting terms with anybody yet just a polite hello.

As I'm in the window I have noticed that my neighbour facing gets up each day, takes her small baby (younger than one) to the nursery and her kids to school then comes back home. She isn't working outside of the home as far as I can see and both her and her partner are there all day. She drops the smallest off at 8am and picks up at 5:30pm Monday - Friday so not even a reduced time. I like to keep to myself but it's driving me insane that she is playing the system while I have my small children, yes driving me insane, while trying to work and homeschool but that is just the way it is.

Today it looks like they are doing a spot of DIY because they are childless for the day/week?!?!!!

I desperately want to say something.

OP posts:
00kitty · 04/04/2020 18:03

I’m a keyworker as is other half, qualify for sending dd to school but choosing to let her do home learning.

As I understand it the schools are there for those who have no other options? I.e if I was working in a care home/hospital somewhere I couldn’t work from home.

I have to go out Wed AM 9-1 to work, luckily OH is home if he wasn’t I have two friends locally as emergency contacts for dd

School spaces should only be used as a last resort - you’re putting your child at risk of bringing it home too

Rebecca563 · 04/04/2020 18:04

Our school write to us all saying they had catered for 10% attendance based on pupil info when schools closed but they had over 30% attend claiming to be key workers but were not. Everyone’s job is essential in some way that doesn’t make you a key worker. I need to go to work to earn but I’m not adding to fixing the spread so am in lockdown no pay and kids home. What I don’t understand is that the schools would be closed for Easter hols now. How are people still expecting them to provide free childcare when they should/would’ve arrange for an alternative if this crisis hadn’t arrived? And yes, I do have a special needs child who I have to go to extra lengths to find suitable childcare for during the holidays, I have never once asked the school to stay open because I have to work!

swelchphr · 04/04/2020 18:31

I know there are a lot of people saying to mind your own business and it’s true, but in the back of my mind, I would feel the same way as you OP.

NewYearNewJob123 · 04/04/2020 18:35

I know it's already been said but i'm an NHS keyworker and all of my colleagues are NHS/Social services/Police and non-stat services.

We're all WFH currently. I spent 5 hours on zoom yesterday talking about confidential matters involving children and the harmful sexual behaviours they are exhibiting, usually as a result of their own abuse. It's often the same workers in each meeting so short breaks but meetings for hours.

Older children/teens may be able to be put in another room on their own for hours.

Younger than that? No.

You (generic you) having to WFH with children around and managing isn't the same when you're talking about the kind of issues many of us on this thread have been suggesting is a valid reason for key worker children to be in childcare, which they are entitled to and is designed for them.

Just live your life. This situation is hard for everyone. For every person who you think has it 'easier' than you (with no evidence), I could give you a 100 examples of people having it harder than you in a way you never previously imagined.

MollyMinniesMum · 04/04/2020 18:49

The children may well be at risk and therefore eligible for stay schooling, have some compassion

mel71 · 04/04/2020 18:55

You don't know what her role is. I know some key workers are doing a week on and two weeks off - in case symptoms develop - they are still working from home though.

Bizawit · 04/04/2020 19:02

Wow OP. Mind your own business!!!

winniestone37 · 04/04/2020 19:07

Blimey you’re nosy and really the worst. I have many social worker friends working from home. Stop being such a horror- this has brought out the worst in you.

HeavenlyEyes · 04/04/2020 19:08

I am a keyworker and work from home - my contract actually states if you have young children they have to be in childcare and not at home with me while I am working.

Theresnobslikeshowb · 04/04/2020 19:09

I spoke to my CPN during the week,she was due to call at 9:00am, and called at 9:15am apologising that she was held up dropping her dc at school. No way would she want her dc hanging around her whilst she’s talking to her mental health patients some who are in crisis.

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!! IT’S NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!!!

Ghostlyglow · 04/04/2020 19:18

Stop it. Mind your own business.

Aridane · 04/04/2020 19:21

I just know that while I'm working and looking after my kids on my own I'm watching a mum and a dad, from the outset, have a really lovely break

You know sweet fuck all

cutie101 · 04/04/2020 19:36

@Rebecca563 in normal circumstances those children would be going to day camps and clubs or parents may have booked time off work to look after their children over the holidays...these arent options now so schools will remain open to keep children safe and in an environment they are comfortable in so that their parents can do their jobs.

Umascooter · 04/04/2020 19:38

Your worry is normal. We are in an extremely anxious time. We or people we know may die. The trouble with feelings of anxiety is that the body sensations of this low grade fear need to be explained by our busy heads. So we feel a threat and fret and try to pin it onto something. It is an absolutely usual normal part of trauma. We are all in a trauma place right now - really!

I work in Trauma. I work with the survivors of Rape and Sexual Assault. Currently I work from home a lot. I am a keyworker for sure. Clap me if you will, but be reassured that the world is a crazy place right now, and even crazier than usual. It is making you anxious. It is making me anxious too, and I have a very emotional job anyway.

Be with your anxious self and find ways to relax that away, to know that it is the right and appropriate emotion for these very strange times rather than putting it out into the world. That only makes it bigger and makes other people more frightening or threatening or dangerous, and so the worry increases.

Time to download that meditation app and use it?

skodadoda · 04/04/2020 19:46

I would be totally pissed off at this too. Key-workers who are working at home should have their children with them at home. This is the government rules, which have been made abundantly clear.
This is nonsense; there are no such rules. There are numerous examples in this thread of people who are wfh but couldn’t do their job without some childcare. Here’s another example; Human Resources manager having to deal by phone with 200+ employees needing to discuss furlough arrangements.

Aragog · 04/04/2020 20:02

I’m sorry to beak it to you on the mumsnet bubble but there are plenty people abusing the “keyworker” status for childcare

Not at the school I work out. We have asked for their status to be verified and the number we have in suggest it is in no way being abused.

Lindorballs · 04/04/2020 20:08

I am a keyworker working from home. My job involves making telephone calls to patients and making complex clinical decisions in a rapidly changing healthcare environment. I would not be able to do it safely or look after my children safely if I had them at home. My husband is also a keyworker who can’t work from home so I have no one else to look after them while I work. So yes I am still using childcare even while I work from home. I have agonised over whether this was the right thing to do. I hate that I’m sending my children into a higher risk environment. I would hate to think one of my neighbours who knows nothing about my life felt fit to judge me. Mind your own business.

FaveNumberIs2 · 04/04/2020 20:12

Mind your own damn business.

iano · 04/04/2020 20:15

Absolutely 100% what Lindorballs said!
My DH is a key worker. He cannot do his job looking after his patients with children running around. It is simply not appropriate or possible. I am on mat leave so we're ok, but when I return to work both children will be in childcare as I am also a key worker. I don't want to send them, as it's not safe but I have no other choice.

NewYearNewJob123 · 04/04/2020 20:17

"Your worry is normal". OP wasn't worried. Let's not pretend nosey bitching with no evidence is 'worry'.

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 04/04/2020 20:18

This is nonsense; there are no such rules. There are numerous examples in this thread of people who are wfh but couldn’t do their job without some childcare. Here’s another example; Human Resources manager having to deal by phone with 200+ employees needing to discuss furlough arrangements..

How is this an essential worker??? Confused

Betty1233 · 04/04/2020 20:28

You need to stop nosing on your neighbour .

user1511042793 · 04/04/2020 20:30

I’m a key worker who can work from home at times. The guidance is clear if you are at home you child should be. You should not be putting the teachers at risk for convenience. And yes it’s difficult. It’s life at the moment. It would annoy me also.

NewYearNewJob123 · 04/04/2020 20:36

userblablabla - and you're a 'key worker' lacking in intelligence and experience to think people are putting their children in childcare for 'convienience'.

Have you not read the thread? Honestly, you and your life doesn't equate to 'everyone'.

Why can people not see past the end of the nose (or there envious, uneducated opinions)

Palaver1 · 04/04/2020 20:37

Say what ..you've made this all up in your mind