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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my mother and sister to babysit my daughters.

131 replies

YouDoYou18 · 03/04/2020 07:33

I’m pregnant and have a consultant appointment at the end of May, and will then have four more between then and my due date at the beginning of August.

I’m hoping this lockdown will have made a little progress by then but assuming we’re in the same position... I can’t take my children to the women’s hospital, and my husband can’t take the time off (I have to have weekly midwife appointments which he’s gotten the time off for, he simply can’t take anymore).

The only people left are my mother and sister, they always babysit together as they are from the same household, they are both shielding (neither had a letter but mother due to a disability and sister just because she lives with her) we are also shielding due to pregnancy complications, so none of us have been outside. There is no one else I can ask, they’re already totally happy with it but I’m concerned we’ll get into trouble, but I have to go to my appointments.

Can I call 111 and get advice on what the law is surrounding this?! Or is that just silly?

AIBU?

OP posts:
WhoEatsPopTarts · 03/04/2020 07:37

You’re in contact with your dh who goes to work everyday so he could be bringing home the virus, which you in turn bring to your DM and DSis. No, not going to work.

ChipsAreLife · 03/04/2020 07:38

Who knows where we will be by end of May so I wouldn't plan for this now.

My consultant apps are all being done over the phone. Is that an option?

Please don't call 111 that is the NHS service for people requiring medical advice.

Original poster
YouDoYou18 · 03/04/2020 07:39

@WhoEatsPopTarts okay, but what am I meant to do? I need to go, they aren’t allowed in the building. My mother is in contact with my father who still goes out to do the shopping (as infrequently as possible)... I’m really at a loss.

OP posts:
MindatWork · 03/04/2020 07:40

Please don’t call 111 about this OP - that’s not what it’s for. Asking this gently but who do you think you’ll get into trouble with? The new legislation hasn’t been put in place to stop people going to hospital appointments - If you were to get stopped just show your hospital letter.

I’d first call your consultants secretary and ask for confirmation on whether the appointment in may is definitely going ahead.

SpudsAreLife84 · 03/04/2020 07:41

I'm sorry but as your husband is exposing you every day and you are planning to go into the hospital for appointments your children cannot go into your mothers home, they will put her at risk. Your DH will have to take time off, if he really can't because his work is so vital at the minute telephone consultations will have to do.

Original poster
YouDoYou18 · 03/04/2020 07:41

Sorry I meant 101 🤦‍♀️ And I understand it’s next month, but with the government saying this could last months I need to have some idea of a plan really

OP posts:
Original poster
YouDoYou18 · 03/04/2020 07:42

And I’m having growth scans and have to have my BP physically checked by them.

OP posts:
inflam · 03/04/2020 07:43

Can I call 111 and get advice on what the law is surrounding this?! Or is that just silly?

Yes, that's silly. The 111 number is under incredible strain right now, for people who have a medical need. It's not an law advice line.

If tour family are sheilding that means no face to face contact.

but what am I meant to do? I need to go, they aren’t allowed in the building

Only you can work this out tbh.

.My mother is in contact with my father who still goes out to do the shopping

So not sheilding at all then?

inflam · 03/04/2020 07:44

101 is also not for this. Really. You are an adult and expected to make your own arrangements. Nobody needs to call 101 for this. You make the best out of what you have right now.

Didiusfalco · 03/04/2020 07:44

I think in this circumstance your husband really has to take the time off work. I think employers know we are in exceptional times. Putting your mum and sister at risk is not okay. You know this really without phoning 101.

Original poster
YouDoYou18 · 03/04/2020 07:45

@inflam already corrected myself to 101 if you read the updates properly. And I’m sorry I meant she wasn’t leaving the house at all to minimise the risk.

OP posts:
Peanut55 · 03/04/2020 07:45

101 is police. Don't call them either.

Chances are your consultant appointments will be reduced or be done via telephone.

Your husband will have to explain to his employer, he may have to take unpaid leave to watch the children. Or take a days holiday.

See where we are in May, but if we are where we are now, then no. No mixing of households.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 03/04/2020 07:45

Can I call 111 and get advice on what the law is surrounding this?! Or is that just silly?

Yes, that's silly Grin 111 isnt a legal helpline.

Youre way ahead of yourself. Dont even think about it until at least a week before your appointment, then decide then. A lot could happen in that time.

TeaAndASitDown · 03/04/2020 07:46

Poor thing, this is v stressful! You need to go and you need to be pragmatic about this. I would see if the midwives have any suggestions as there might be other mums in your position.

At the end of the day this is a national emergency and it really falls to your husband to try to do the childcare. Can he flex his hours?

If he really can't for whatever reason I think maybe you either need to see if an agency nanny will do it, or yes, ask your mum. Probably not both mum and sister though. Limit exposure.

All the v best to you all.

Tink88 · 03/04/2020 07:46

Your husband takes time off work to have them.whike you go.

Original poster
YouDoYou18 · 03/04/2020 07:48

Okay thank you everyone. I get that I’m not allowed to have my mother babysit. My husband honestly can’t have the time off, we’ve already tried and exhausted that Avenue. I’ll have to cancel my appointments and hope that everything stays stable!

OP posts:
Rosesarere · 03/04/2020 07:50

I wouldn't stress about it too much at the moment, the end of May is still a whole away, it needs to be your husband that looks afyerbhis children, no one else from outside of your household.

larrygrylls · 03/04/2020 07:50

Youdo,

This is probably the wrong forum to ask this.

The measures taken are population wide. There will be loads of individual exceptions. The idea is to get the infection rate below 1, ideally below 0.9. Fortunately, I read that Imperial think it has dropped to 0.63 after the measures taken.

The tube is still running, Waitrose staff in their 60s are still working, teachers of all ages are still teaching whole classes. A few hours of your child changing homes for a necessary appointment will make very little difference.

Individuals need to examine their own consciences and do what is right for them. The authorities don’t care about this kind of thing. Busybodies on the internet, however, care a lot.

inflam · 03/04/2020 07:50

already corrected myself to 101 if you read the updates properly.

Oh wow. It was just a cross post and I wrote another post straight after because once I posted I then saw your update. No need to be so rude.

Peanut55 · 03/04/2020 07:50

^
.My mother is in contact with my father who still goes out to do the shopping

So not sheilding at all then?^

Those who have been sheilded have received a letter (4 people in my family have) and members of their household do not need to stay in for 12 weeks as well. . There is a lot of advice and instruction given to them on how to best manage their sheilding. Including keeping as much distance as possible, not sharing beds, cleaning bathrooms after non sheilded has used them etc.

Original poster
YouDoYou18 · 03/04/2020 07:51

@TeaAndASitDown the midwives posted about this in our local covid 19 pregnancy group and they suggested using family, and moving them in if possible.. which would be amazing because I miss them but we just don’t have the space! I really wish my husband could as I would be so much easier, but he’s already having the time off unpaid for the midwife appointments and they’re short on staff to cover him, so they’ve said they can’t facilitate more time off at the moment!

OP posts:
TeaAndASitDown · 03/04/2020 07:51

You need to balance risk to baby vs risk to your mum. Can you discuss with your midwife?

madnessitellyou · 03/04/2020 07:52

Can you not call the consultant’s secretary for advice? That’s what my dad did the other week when he wondered if he should be going to his appointment.

inflam · 03/04/2020 07:53

Those who have been sheilded have received a letter (4 people in my family have) and members of their household do not need to stay in for 12 weeks as well. . There is a lot of advice and instruction given to them on how to best manage their sheilding. Including keeping as much distance as possible, not sharing beds, cleaning bathrooms after non sheilded has used them etc.

Sorry, for some reason I thought they didn't live together. I know the details re sheilding, I just picked the situation up incorrectly

Apologies for that OP.

Peanut55 · 03/04/2020 07:53

Don't cancel your appointments. Wait until May.

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