Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my mother and sister to babysit my daughters.

131 replies

YouDoYou18 · 03/04/2020 07:33

I’m pregnant and have a consultant appointment at the end of May, and will then have four more between then and my due date at the beginning of August.

I’m hoping this lockdown will have made a little progress by then but assuming we’re in the same position... I can’t take my children to the women’s hospital, and my husband can’t take the time off (I have to have weekly midwife appointments which he’s gotten the time off for, he simply can’t take anymore).

The only people left are my mother and sister, they always babysit together as they are from the same household, they are both shielding (neither had a letter but mother due to a disability and sister just because she lives with her) we are also shielding due to pregnancy complications, so none of us have been outside. There is no one else I can ask, they’re already totally happy with it but I’m concerned we’ll get into trouble, but I have to go to my appointments.

Can I call 111 and get advice on what the law is surrounding this?! Or is that just silly?

AIBU?

OP posts:
ChipsAreLife · 03/04/2020 07:56

They've suggested social distancing measures will go on for months not necessarily strict lockdown.

Of course we may not still be in lockdown end of May/June etc but things are changing daily and that is almost two months away. I would worry about it in May.

AStarSoBright · 03/04/2020 07:58

@larrygrylls what OP is suggesting is against all the guidelines. 'Busybodies on the internet' may have loved ones working on the front line against this terrible illness. The guidelines are there for a reason and, if they're not followed, we will all be in this position for a long time.

OP, unless your husband is a critical key worker he needs to take time off. If he is a critical key worker you could look into the possibility of using a childminder.

prisonofficersareimportanttoo · 03/04/2020 07:58

If your children’s school is open would they be able to help out if you explained the situation to them? It’s an alternative which, while intended for key workers, might help you in this scenario. But ideally your dh needs to be home for them. This isn’t a straightforward scenario at the moment so some creative thinking is needed.

Lllot5 · 03/04/2020 07:58

It’s not until the end of May. I’d wait until then to make a plan tbh. A lot could change between then and now. I certainly wouldn’t cancel your appointment yet.

MindatWork · 03/04/2020 07:59

I’ll have to cancel my appointments and hope that everything stays stable!

Sorry but that’s a bit melodramatic OP. Just call the consultant’s secretary and ask what the current situation is. May is a million years away right now in terms of how things might change. I feel for you as it must be really stressful to be pregnant right now.

How old are your girls?

DisplayPurposesOnly · 03/04/2020 07:59

I’ll have to cancel my appointments and hope that everything stays stable!

No, dont cancel them. Take stock a week before your appointment and decide then.

Honestly, you're a bit headless chicken at the moment. Deep breath, slow down. Dont rush into anything. You dont have to do anything now.

AliMonkey · 03/04/2020 08:00

Can your midwife appointments be switched to phone consultations so he doesn’t need that time off? Then he could have the time off for your hospital appointments instead?

Settlersofcatan · 03/04/2020 08:00

Could you miss one of the weekly midwife appointments and get your husband to take the time off for the consultant appointment instead?

Soontobe60 · 03/04/2020 08:00

Ask them for an evening or weekend appointment. Failing that, your DH is entitled to unpaid leave www.gov.uk/parental-leave and he should be explaining to his employer why he needs this time off.
What job does he do?

BTW, what you're describing isn't shielding in either household. It's self isolating. I would suggest that your sister comes to stay with you if she's already been self isolating.

gassylady · 03/04/2020 08:02

Why not ask your midwife if her appointment could be skipped on the weeks when you are due to see the consultant. Can’t think of anything that she would need to do that couldn’t be done in the consultant appointment.

itgetsthehoseagain · 03/04/2020 08:02

I think my husband might get a bout of food poisoning around the time of the scan...

Aria20 · 03/04/2020 08:02

Does your husband need to go to the weekly appointments? Can't he just take the time off for the consultant ones instead? They are more important than routine midwife ones?

If you turned up to the appointment with your kids due to no alternative I'm sure they wouldn't turn you away or expect you to leave the kids outside? Obviously I wouldn't recommend taking the kids though as you could be exposing them. Or if your dad is still going shopping, can he not watch the children instead of your mum and sister?

user1493413286 · 03/04/2020 08:04

Could you ask for a telephone appointment? My experience was that midwife appointments need to be in person because they measure you, do blood pressure and blood tests etc whereas During my consultant appointments it was just talking about my pregnancy and the results of the tests done by the midwife. If you’ll have only seen the midwife that week it’ll all still be up to date.

whitesoxx · 03/04/2020 08:06

You can't call the police to ask them what to do about a babysitting issue in 8 weeks Blush

Just wait and see what the situation is then.

Your husband has used up all of his leave for the year already? Down to the last half day?

londonrach · 03/04/2020 08:07

Dont call 111 for this and dont leave your children with mum and sister. The only so,ution is your dh looks after them. However you no idea what situation be in may. Very stressful time to be pregnang op hang in there x

SparkyBlue · 03/04/2020 08:07

OP you poor thing it's a very stressful time. Of course you need your appointments as I assume they will be doing the usual BP and urine checks etc as well as any necessary scans so it's very important you look after yourself . I think in circumstances like yours then you don't really have a choice but to look for childcare outside your immediate household as I think you do need your appointments. Just wondering though in the current environment would you there be a letter from your gp or anything that your husband could give to his employer saying he needs x amount of time off as you
have a appointment that needs attending. It's extraordinary times so normal rules just can't apply right now. It's not like you can put your ante natal appointments back a few months

HelloDulling · 03/04/2020 08:08

Where do all these appointments take place? Is the MW seeing you at home or at the surgery? Could you speak to the consultant over the phone instead of at the hospital?

Winterwoollies · 03/04/2020 08:08

My baby is due around the time you need this appointment. I too have needed a lot of intervention and scans etc and we’ve just had to work around it. My check up consultations have been done via Zoom or I’ve gone to the hospital in my own.

Your family shouldn’t babysit. Your appointment won’t take long so I’d continue to pursue your husband’s employer for the time off. In this climate, it seems ludicrous they won’t entertain it.

My doctor has also said to sit tight as a lot can change by May. So I say don’t start panicking and cancelling anything now.

DCITennison · 03/04/2020 08:08

WHo looks after your children while you and your husband attend the weekly midwife appointments?

Original poster
YouDoYou18 · 03/04/2020 08:09

I’m not meaning to be melodramatic, I have no plans of cancelling them now, I just meant if this is still the situation I’ll have to, I can’t change them to phone unfortunately as it’s growth scans. I asked about midwife appointments but they can’t risk not checking my bp from Monday to the following Thursday, which I understand but it’s just exhausting. Sorry he’s not coming to the weekly appointments, he’s having the children because they’re not allowed in. They’re 18m and 6m so no school, I can ask a local childminder but I thought you both had to be key workers? And no my dad does not babysit the children.
@Soontobe60 ah I hadn’t asked if a weekend or evening appointment would be an option, I’ll call them back and see!

OP posts:
DCITennison · 03/04/2020 08:10

ah, sorry. I’ve misunderstood that part.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/04/2020 08:10

As a parent your husband is able to take emergency unpaid parental leave.

This is what happens.

hibeat · 03/04/2020 08:11

If we are still in the same position then today, worst case scenario : you will have to take one appointment and not the two : Midwife or consultant. If you have a scan make it the same day. Discuss with them what would be the best. Husband cannot take day off but perhaps hours off, like at noon, or get out of work early or go to work a little bit later. A weekend appointment would be the best and can be done. Breathe. You can do this. Call the secretary for the appointments, they do this kind of juggling all day, every day they will have ample experience to guide you and they most importantly can DO something. Do not miss your appointments. All the best OP.
Can he take advantage of the bank holiday in May ? There is no such thing as a bank holiday in hospital. Just thinking out of the box.

underneaththeash · 03/04/2020 08:12

Would it not be easier just buying a blood pressure checking machine? They're around £20 on amazon.

Emerald89 · 03/04/2020 08:12

I'd recommend you contact your consultants secretary, this will almost certainly have other mother's with the same problem.

Is your husband a key worker? If so, can you get your kids into school for a day?

Swipe left for the next trending thread