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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my mother and sister to babysit my daughters.

131 replies

YouDoYou18 · 03/04/2020 07:33

I’m pregnant and have a consultant appointment at the end of May, and will then have four more between then and my due date at the beginning of August.

I’m hoping this lockdown will have made a little progress by then but assuming we’re in the same position... I can’t take my children to the women’s hospital, and my husband can’t take the time off (I have to have weekly midwife appointments which he’s gotten the time off for, he simply can’t take anymore).

The only people left are my mother and sister, they always babysit together as they are from the same household, they are both shielding (neither had a letter but mother due to a disability and sister just because she lives with her) we are also shielding due to pregnancy complications, so none of us have been outside. There is no one else I can ask, they’re already totally happy with it but I’m concerned we’ll get into trouble, but I have to go to my appointments.

Can I call 111 and get advice on what the law is surrounding this?! Or is that just silly?

AIBU?

OP posts:
seltaeb · 03/04/2020 08:13

I really feel for people in your sort of situation. I don't think asking random internet strangers for advice is helpful. You need to apply common sense and focus on what is best and works for you, your family and your unborn baby. You have obviously given it a lot of thought.

Original poster
YouDoYou18 · 03/04/2020 08:13

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz the only unpaid parental leave I know of has to be taken in blocks of weeks, which would mean taking a week unpaid every time, which we really can’t afford. Is there another form of parental leave?

OP posts:
whitesoxx · 03/04/2020 08:14

@YouDoYou18

He can't have used all his leave looking after the kids once a week already surely? It's only been a week since we started this lockdown situation.

If he has then they'll have to give him parental leave.

barrelohflaughs · 03/04/2020 08:14

What a tricky situation! I agree with others that you shouldn’t cancel your appointments and should maybe wait until closer to the time. But, can your father come over to watch them, since he’s been leaving the house for shopping anyway?

KellyHall · 03/04/2020 08:15

If your dh is a keyworker, you can use childcare if available, you don't both need to be keyworkers. However, children of keyworkers are highly likely to pose a huge risk of spreading covid.

I'd just ask your sister to watch your children at your house, no one will come in to contact with your mum and you can have your important consultant appointments. That can't be worse than your dad going out shopping the back to your mum.

Beansandcoffee · 03/04/2020 08:15

Your husband has to look after your children. There is no alternative otherwise you are mixing two households at a minimum.

Original poster
YouDoYou18 · 03/04/2020 08:16

@hibeat I’m going to call them back today, they suggested family the first time but I’ll explain that’s not possible.
@underneaththeash I already have one, have to check my bp three time’s a day but they said they still need to do the manual one no more than 7 days apart. It was so much easier in my previous pregnancies 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Peanut55 · 03/04/2020 08:19

Where I work, if you need time off to look after your kids. It's unpaid. Be in half a day, a day.

So surely your husband can explain to his employer the situation, we are in exceptional circumstances right now and his employer should understand that.

Failing that, call the secretary. But please don't do this until a week or so before. They will be inundated with trying to sort out this situation which is happening NOW. Not 8 weeks down the line.

Babyboomtastic · 03/04/2020 08:19

Your husband really needs to sort this with his employer. It's not good enough in the present crisis that he can't have time off for caring duties. Ideally he should be working from home anyway, so would be able to look after the kids at the same time.

You could become ill.
There could be pregnancy complications. Or a premature birth. All sorts.

Others shouldn't have to out themselves at risk because your husband is unwilling or unable to take time off. Unless there is a very good reason why he can't take the time off or work from home on those occasions, he should be doing it. most of the workforce are juggling things like work and children right now. His penis isn't a get out card.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 03/04/2020 08:19

I would get your Mum to babysit, you have tolook at risks, and your family doing it would be the lesser risk of sending them to school.

NichyNoo · 03/04/2020 08:20

Definitely don’t cancel the appointment. I’d go for the babysitting option. Risk of them catching it is very minimal.

20viona · 03/04/2020 08:21

Do not ring 101 for this for gods sake.

Original poster
YouDoYou18 · 03/04/2020 08:23

Okay thank you for the replies everyone! I’ve got a few ways to try and get through all this now! I just hope this is all over by the time we give birth because then I have no idea what I’ll do 😂

OP posts:
SallySun123 · 03/04/2020 08:23

“Informal” childcare arrangements are still permitted, in the same way nannies are still permitted to work. My mother (low risk) is looking after my children part time while I recover from a serious illness. A police car saw me drop my children off to her and didn’t stop us or say anything. The issue here is the risk of expose to your mother and sister. You need to use a bit of common sense here and discuss with everyone involved.

JMKid · 03/04/2020 08:23

Can you not buy a BP machine off Amazon and take readings yourself at home? Your husband doesnt need to be at midwife appointments, get him to swap them for the consultant ones which are far more important.

Peanut55 · 03/04/2020 08:25

No babysitting. Your husband needs to take unpaid leave.

If his employer is that short staffed then they aren't going to sack him are they.

Stompythedinosaur · 03/04/2020 08:25

Your dh needs to have time off. It might be I convenient and cause bad feeling at work, but he needs to.

I think it is too early to be making a plan, though. Wait and see the situation. You might be able to take the dc with you by May.

MyHipsDontLieUnfortunately · 03/04/2020 08:25

Unless your husband is a prisoner he can have time off.

SpudsAreLife84 · 03/04/2020 08:26

When you give birth I'm afraid your husband will look after your child and you will go in on your own. I know it's a worrying time but my DH is military and I had our first field on my own and honestly it was fine. You are stronger than you know OP Flowers

Notnownotneverever · 03/04/2020 08:27

Have you talked to your midwife about this? It is possible that you could be added to their home visits rather than you going to the clinic every week then your husband could use his time off work better. Also in these circumstances could you ask for a phone appointment with the consultant? Your regular observations, measurements, BP, etc are all being done every week so I don't think the consultant would need to do those again him/herself.

Blackbear19 · 03/04/2020 08:30

Worry about it a week or two before the appointment. So much could change between now and then.
But I'd probably suggest DH organises his shifts so he can babysit or your sister babysitting rather than both your mum and sister.

But remember much can change between now and then.

VadenuRewetje · 03/04/2020 08:30

your DH's employers are being unreasonable. none of these antenatal appointments are being done for fun. they are all very important and not doing them would be putting your unborn child at unacceptable risk. taking your kids to the appointment would be putting numerous families at unacceptable risk. sending your kids to your mum and sister would be putting your mum and sister at unacceptable risk. and all these are life and death risks. unless your DH's job is such that people are at greater risk of death each time he takes a half day off, his employers need to suck it up and let him have the time he needs. what is his job? how many lives depend on him doing it every day?

NailsNeedDoing · 03/04/2020 08:31

The end of May is weeks away. Do April, and then think about it.

Blackbear19 · 03/04/2020 08:32

Spudsarealive did you have a whole crop in one go??Grin
Sorry I found your typo quite funny along with the name

Grobagsforever · 03/04/2020 08:34

@larrygrllys

At last some sense on MN! Ppl on here have gone INSANE since this started. Do you have a source for the 0.63?

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