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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Man with persistent cough shopping with partner - just why?!?

636 replies

Defenbaker · 02/04/2020 23:17

I went shopping today, for essential items, to a large supermarket. There was a small queue, with a security guard letting people enter as others left, to ensure social distancing inside. All very calm and not many people inside, so that was good.

However, in the second aisle there was a man coughing. I thought, oh well, it's probably nothing, just an ordinary cough, don't panic. I avoided him anyway, just in case. However, he then kept on coughing, at regular intervals, all around the shop. He never once used a tissue, or even his hand or the crook of his arm to catch the cough, and the cough was just the sort of dry, persistent cough that medics have described as a symptom! Regardless of whether he had the Covid19 virus or not, he was certainly not being careful to keep his germs to himself. I wondered how many people he could be infecting.

Although I tried my best to avoid him, he then appeared quite near me, where I was using the self scan till. This conversation took place:

Me: "It might be a good idea if you wait outside while your partner does the shopping, as you have a cough."

(He looked stunned, as though the idea hadn't occurred to him.)
Him: "Oh, it's just a cough, I don't have a temperature!"

Me: "That's a symptom, you might have it, you don't know."
Him: "I've been to the doctor... I don't have it."

Me: "So, have you had the test then? Did you have a negative result?"
Him: "The doctor said I'm fine... " (He looked shifty, like he was tempted to lie but found it difficult while I fixed my gaze on him.)
Me: "Even if you haven't got it, people are bound to be anxious when you're coughing all over the store. It really would be best if you wait outside."
Him: "Mmm... maybe... "

All the time his partner said nothing. I got the impression she was a bit embarassed to be with him, as she knew how others would view his germ ridden presence.

He then sloped off. AIBU to think that he had no reason to accompany another (able bodied) adult around the shop, and should have known better than to behave so thoughtlessly during this health crisis?

OP posts:
Tellmetruth4 · 03/04/2020 08:22

He should be wearing a mask to protect others. There are no excuses in this current climate to be sloping around a store coughing with your mouth uncovered. I’ve just about managed to control my health anxieties but this would have had me stressed for 14 days looking for symptoms.

Flixsfoilball · 03/04/2020 08:22

I did wonder if he might have a smoker's cough, but I doubt that was the case, as I can usually smell smoke on people's clothing across the room (bloodhound type sense of smell, me). Even so, he could easily have said "Oh, it's a smoker's cough", and I would have said "Oh, I see. Sorry for being paranoid, but anyway maybe you'd best wait outside while your partner shops, because... " as per my first paragragh.

And you would probably have got 'well it's probably best that you mind your own fucking business' back

Circe32 · 03/04/2020 08:24

I've been considering wearing signs on my front and back - "Asthma cough".
A colleague of mine has had a persistent dry cough for years - due to reflux.
So, avoid coughers if you like, and even ask them if they are all right and to cover their mouths when coughing, but I wouldn't take it upon yourself to advise them to stay outside.
Definitely don't pre-judge.

TatianaBis · 03/04/2020 08:24

TatianaBis are you a Dr or Nurse or a Specialist in health in any way?

Nope, I’ve read the NHS guidelines though and I know a lot of doctors.

The doctor line sounds like a lie unless that doctor contravened NHS own guidelines.

Not impossible though as one 19 year old boy who died in London was assured by the OOH doctor that he just had flu. Doctor was wrong.

peterlon1 · 03/04/2020 08:24

AS I said he may have been on his way back from DR and they were doing shopping on way home

Nannewnannew · 03/04/2020 08:26

A relative has pulmonary fibrosis so has a persistent cough and shortness of breath, because of this he hasn’t been out of the house for weeks simply because he doesn’t want to alarm other people but also to safeguard himself.
As a PP has said some blood pressure tablets can cause a dry cough.

GreenWheat · 03/04/2020 08:26

Maybe they don't have a car and need two of them to carry sufficient food such that they only need to go out once a week. I am so fed up with all the constant judgy threads on here. You should have just moved past at a safe distance.

peterlon1 · 03/04/2020 08:27

@TatianaBis did I say all Dr were right? no I didn't, but I also know a lot of Dr's I worked with them for years.

Brefugee · 03/04/2020 08:27

Isn't it amazing how many people now feel empowered to challenge people for coughing or going out in pairs but never before felt empowered to speak up about everyday racism or sexism or harassment?

I hope this new found empowerment lasts beyond the crisis.

GivenchyD · 03/04/2020 08:28

'The fact that 2/3 of the respondents to this poll this it absolutely dapper to challenge someone for not adhering to OP's made up rule is depressing.'

Oh grow up. The whole situation is 'depressing'. Sadly there are people who seem unaware of current health advice and to walk around a supermarket coughing persistently would of course alarm people. Why not just let his partner get the shopping and wait in the car?

Dollyparton3 · 03/04/2020 08:29

I'm not sure why couples are still shopping together? We needed our weekly shop on Wednesday and DH and I decided who was going to go and do it. I appreciate that children still need to go into shops with parents who can't leave them home alone but I don't understand why couples still need to shop together?

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 03/04/2020 08:29

I have hayfever and the trees have started releasing their pollen. I've been double dosing antihistamines before I leave the house to avoid being questioned and stared at by people like the op.

I actually found myself saying "it's just allergies!" because someone looked at me funny when I sneezed last time I shopped for food. That person didn't quiz me like the OP, so I'm not upset with them, and it's understandable that people are nervous, but going full "pls explain your potentially plague ridden presence" is really not going to help the situation. Especially if the person you're quizzing turns out to have something serious that's not coronavirus and had no alternative but to go out for food.

RU562341 · 03/04/2020 08:31

I'm not sure why couples are still shopping together? We needed our weekly shop on Wednesday and DH and I decided who was going to go and do it. I appreciate that children still need to go into shops with parents who can't leave them home alone but I don't understand why couples still need to shop together?

It's possible that they need to walk home with shopping and want to get enough for a good few days. Although, surely one could wait outside the shop for the other to do the actual shopping in that case.

Macncheeseballs · 03/04/2020 08:33

he shouldn't have gone to the doctor with just a cough.

TabbyMumz · 03/04/2020 08:36

People are terrible at the moment. There was a post on my local fb the other day complaining about lots of people going in an address, and it then said "the end house on Mayfield avenue, you know who you are"! I thought it was appalling. Then last night the people who live there's daughter put up that the police had been to check, nobody had gone in the house for 2 weeks as they are over 80, and all the visitors were carers, daughters, all leaving food and checking on them. It shouldn't be like this.

TabbyMumz · 03/04/2020 08:39

"I'm not sure why couples are still shopping together?"
One would be a carer. Most Supermarkets are now checking at the door the reason for there to be 2 of you. So if they are in, it's more than likely they've been checked.

LotsaDo · 03/04/2020 08:39

I can usually smell smoke on people's clothing across the room (bloodhound type sense of smell, me).

Ah, I see...you sound just generally judgemental then. God it must be like Christmas for people like this...so many people to judge...so many opportunities to stick their nose in. So easy to make people feel like shit.

Brefugee · 03/04/2020 08:39

I used to see a lot of people who were absolutely aghast at how deep and wide the Stasi network was in East Germany. And reading threads like this tell me that we should be more aghast that they weren't deeper and wider.

It's perfectly ok to relatively discreetly ask someone who is coughing in public to follow guidelines about coughing. It is not ok to quiz them on their health.

"he should be wearing a mask" you all have masks in the UK? brilliant. I'd heard there was a shortage.

peterlon1 · 03/04/2020 08:40

we have gone away from the point again, why he went to Dr with his cough is his business no one else's, she and we no nothing about his life or background. His embarrassment may just be that he has a medical condition that he finds embarrassing nothing more, and we have all said he should have covered his mouth. But the point still remains she had no right in law to question this man

LotsaDo · 03/04/2020 08:41

he shouldn't have gone to the doctor with just a cough.

Perhaps he has ongoing drs appointments regarding a long term condition that he has no reason to disclose to anyone.

peterlon1 · 03/04/2020 08:42

and that is the only point In law

Macncheeseballs · 03/04/2020 08:43

So then tell her.

Fedupandpoor · 03/04/2020 08:44

God, I worry about this everytime I have to take DD in to the supermarket. Sad She has a constant cough, like she's clearing her throat. The gp suspected asthma but 20 days on the brown inhaler didn't clear it so he thinks it might just be habit. I'm a single mum, so can't leave her outside, not on the vulnerable list so shouldn't be using up delivery slots 🤷‍♀️

Bananabixfloof · 03/04/2020 08:44

he shouldn't have gone to the doctor with just a cough
For a guess, he lied because it's nothing to do with OP or me or you or anyone why he was coughing. Even if we take the extreme view that he has had covid19. All advice says after 7 or 14 days depending, your ok to leave the house again.

I know my dr is shut and theres no going in for anything. It's all being done by phone or internet.

Either way covid 19 or lung cancer, is nothing to do with us. WE do not police other people.