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AIBU?

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Original poster

Children playing in garden

260 replies

SMarie123 · 02/04/2020 20:05

My neighbours have an electrical cable running along the wall between our two houses. I have a 4 year old and a 2 year year old, we are in Ireland so we have been home for 3 weeks already.

My husband is a front of line healthcare worker and is doing 13 hour days every day (including long days from home at weekends) I am supposed to be working but really I am minding kids... thank god for nice bosses. anyway yesterday I was on conference calls and I put them in the garden. There was no drama specifically, but I could tell I was causing the neighbours annoyance (they are retired and like to spend time in the garden. The man is always doing gardening and they watch him as they are home in the day just now).

Anyway the lady complained that the 4 year old pulled the wire (didn't break it or anything). She said she was concerned for his safety.., in the grand scheme of things it is just such a petty point but she went on and on.... Now I feel like I can't put them in the garden which is super annoying. He hasn't gone near the wire again but it was such a dramatic reaction.

I am torn between bringing round a card to apologise and just being indignant. Longer term I don't think it pays to fall out with your neighbours.

OP posts:
misst8 · 03/04/2020 19:01

Totally agree.

KentMum81 · 03/04/2020 19:01

I would thank your neighbour for bringing the incident to your attention and for her concern for the safety of your little one.
I would then explain that you have spoken to your son about not touching that, or any other wire and then take the opportunity to discuss how the wire would be better secured and protected, on their side of the boundary.

TruJay · 03/04/2020 19:11

DH is an electrician, says the wire is not safe for outdoor electrics, wrong cable type and certainly shouldn’t be tacked to a wall!
Maybe neighbours reaction was intense because they know it’s not up to standard.

NameChangedToProtect1 · 03/04/2020 19:13

My kids spent the afternoon playing on the garden - with bricks and off cuts of decking! To be fair there were tears and bruises but that's what childhood is about.. whilst parenting is mopping up the tears and blood! Children need NOT to be supervised at all times - how else do they learn?

SallyB392 · 03/04/2020 19:25

I would pop a little card through the box, maybe one made by the children, saying that they are sorry for pulling on the wire. Meanwhile, why don't you ask the lady if she'd like a cuppa over the fence, and tell her how much the children enjoy watching her hubby gardening, and were thinking about getting some easy grow seeds or plants, maybe tomatoes so that they can learn to grow themselves, ask her if her husband might be able to give you and the children some advice on what best to start with? you never know it might bring the generation's together.

Maybe at the same time throw in just how worried you are and tired, I suspect she is equally scared and worried, a problem shared really can be halved!

Finally along with all the families in your situation, wherever you are, thank you, its because of you that we have hope as a society.

Isaidnomorecrisps · 03/04/2020 19:30

Hello, rarely post here but this is not your problem. You have a safe garden and are watching your children. There is no risk on your side. Generalised comments from writers about bad mothering are like those annoying people who never answer the actual question.

There is a risk created by your neighbours though and they do need to fix it. However hard it it please tell them to move the cable? Many years ago I did a law degree and this could well be something called a strict liability crime. (I’m kind of making this up but it’s a health and safety point.) It might not be your kids who touch it, it could be you, and if it is damaged and causes injury then they are guilty of knowingly putting people at risk. But that’s not the key point here - they need to move it and (I’ve been there) if you can’t face telling them then write a letter or (don’t kill me) toss a coin with your husband to see who talks to them.

In the meantime, good luck with all your juggling and thanks so much to your husband for everything he is doing. If I were your neighbour I’d offer to watch the kids for an hour or so a day!

Isaidnomorecrisps · 03/04/2020 19:31

Sorry, being an idiot - in normal times would have offered!

Toomuchtrouble4me · 03/04/2020 19:38

Tell neighbours to sort the cable out as it is their responsibility and as they have rightly pointed out, its not safe.

Teddybear27 · 03/04/2020 19:39

It is your garden and therefore your children are allowed to play in it. They need fresh air and to run off their energy, particularly in these times... However at 2 and 4 years old I would be keeping an eye on them. As for the wire, if it is your neighbour's they need to fix it....

Nonnymum · 03/04/2020 19:44

*Don’t blame your neighbours for doing it instead.
The wire shouldn't have been on the shared wall in the first place. The child was in his own garden, by his own wall. Looking up when he heard a noise. I don't think he did anything wrong.

honeybee88 · 03/04/2020 19:51

Your neighbours cable? Tell them to secure it or you will report i to health and safety. They are upset? Jeez I would be suing them by now!

Jeleste · 03/04/2020 19:53

I don't supervise mine in the garden all the time. I cant even see the whole garden at once because it goes kind of around our house.
But we dont have any direct neighbors because we are on a hill and have the top of the hill fenced and we have about 5m of land behind the fence all around.
If there is an electrical wire that can be reached, i wouldnt leave them roaming around alone, but if you can see them, then it shouldnt be a problem.
Have the neighbors fix the cable

SignOnTheWindow · 03/04/2020 19:55

I would pop a little card through the box, maybe one made by the children, saying that they are sorry for pulling on the wire. Meanwhile, why don't you ask the lady if she'd like a cuppa over the fence, and tell her how much the children enjoy watching her hubby gardening, and were thinking about getting some easy grow seeds or plants, maybe tomatoes so that they can learn to grow themselves, ask her if her husband might be able to give you and the children some advice on what best to start with? you never know it might bring the generation's together.

Maybe at the same time throw in just how worried you are and tired, I suspect she is equally scared and worried, a problem shared really can be halved!

In your position, I would do exactly this ^

Original poster
SMarie123 · 03/04/2020 20:08

*I would pop a little card through the box, maybe one made by the children, saying that they are sorry for pulling on the wire. Meanwhile, why don't you ask the lady if she'd like a cuppa over the fence, and tell her how much the children enjoy watching her hubby gardening, and were thinking about getting some easy grow seeds or plants, maybe tomatoes so that they can learn to grow themselves, ask her if her husband might be able to give you and the children some advice on what best to start with? you never know it might bring the generation's together.

Maybe at the same time throw in just how worried you are and tired, I suspect she is equ*al,

Lovely idea but they are much too cranky for this. Not just with me, with everyone.

A card saying sorry would take the ice off, but definitely not a cuppa sort of people. He crosses the road when he sees anyone who might talk to him... even pre covid. She is ok, their grown up children are lovely but I am not going to go bringing them into it.

OP posts:
youkiddingme · 03/04/2020 20:15

As loads of people have said, get the neighbours to sort the cable and get the fence made higher. Sure some people will think your kids are lovely and will want to interact with them and some won't, they will want you to mind your kids and not let them bother them. Since you have said that you've built an extension which has removed a lot of the privacy these neighbours previously enjoyed they may well feel that being spied over the wall, albeit by a 4 year old, removes the last shred of privacy they have.
Either way your priority is your kids safely not the neighbours' feelings, nor your apparent need for your neighbours to be understanding. Get that wire sorted.

Rachel709 · 03/04/2020 20:29

I would ask them to move the wire, it doesn't sound very safe. Your kids should be able to play safely in their own garden. If they refuse and it's to much hassle put up a six foot fence your side.

MrsBadcrumble123 · 03/04/2020 20:48

They shouldn’t have a low level unsecured electrical cable at all! I’m sure this contravenes some sort of H&S law. I’d question whether it was fitted by a qualified electrician....

jenkel · 03/04/2020 21:16

I think the issue is with the wire rather than children playing in garden. It’s your garden and your children and if the garden is safe and you are happy no reason why they can’t play and frankly nobody else’s business. I would try to discourage them watching your neighbours however. But frankly the cable sounds illegal and dangerous.

angelfacecuti75 · 03/04/2020 21:25

Put them in the garden just keep a bit more of an eye on them would be my advice . The world's a bit topsy turvy at the moment, everyone is stuck indoors and it is getting to everyone, she probably was wound up anyway re coronovirus and stuff and it annoyed her , unduly. Older people can be very set in their ways , have often forgotten what kids are like and have little tolerance for them . Just brush it under the rug, keep an eye on them and maybe find a way to keep them away from the wirec(are there outdoor plug protectors or something? I've seen also like a plastic case for them somewhere , maybe get them a cheap one and offer to fit it and say "I got you this , not to meddle or be impolite, but as a sort of peace offering and because I listened to what you said?).

Rache49 · 03/04/2020 22:04

Don't shoot me in flames but if you are working from home could you not work round nap time or when they are in bed? This is a perfect time to be flexible around your work and the Children's supervised time in the Garden.

BeetrootRocks · 03/04/2020 22:17

Not all work allows for that flexibility even when WFH.

Rache49 · 03/04/2020 22:18

Beetrootrocks. You would not be able to focus properly on the conference call if you had to keep an eye on the Children or the Children because of the Conference Call. This is an ideal time for Flexible working, tie in your work round naps and bedtime. I have done a Degree through distance learning and I learnt to study as life was going on .

Rosspoldarkssaddle · 03/04/2020 22:21

Thank you for drawing my attention to my son touching your wire. I think it would be far safer all round if the wire was correctly fastened on your side of the wall to prevent future repetition. The children will be small for a while yet and whilst we can make our garden safe and suitable for them, the wire is always going to be a temptation for small hands and inquisitive natures.
Thanks again
Your forever grateful neighbour.

BeetrootRocks · 03/04/2020 22:29

Rache as true as that may be, not all employers are on board.

TheCherries · 03/04/2020 22:31

I love my neighbours in fact we do loads together socially but I completely draw the line at people peering over the fence. When I am in my garden I want to be in my little
Sanctuary. I love speaking with my neighbours and their children but not when I step out in to my back garden.

Electricity cable is a different point entirely. That needs securing and they need to commit to doing that.

I dont think a sorry note is needed I do think an acknowledgement one is however. An acknowledgment that the situation isn’t currently ideal that your OH has to continue to work in the hospital and you are working and watching the children all the time. With the lock down and work commitments it isn’t possible to put up the screening you had planned to do this Spring and that you will commit to doing that when life is back to normal to provide them with more privacy from the children. You in turn would appreciate their commitment also to providing an underground safer and more legally acceptable solution to the electricity cable in the garden for peace of your mind.

Do not start apologising as they then have the upper hand in a situation that has equal frustrations that need polite solutions from both sides of the fence

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