If you are receiving shopping via volunteers please can I request

[MatildaTheCat]

That you stick to essential items and keep them as non specific as possible. DH and I shopped for two vulnerable people this morning under an official scheme. Their requests included 1 litre gin (ok maybe essential), branded tonic, branded cleaning items, organic gala apples, rose and raspberry lemonade, non sweetened organic coconut milk and on and on.

I lost a lot of sleep last night worrying about the additional exposure to the public while searching for half this stuff. In fact we did get pretty much everything but had we been asked for ie large brown loaf, cheddar, packet of bacon, mince, frozen peas it would have been a lot less stressful. This is going to last some months for the most vulnerable, if you or your family are in that category please help by keeping it simple.

Thank you.

There isn't really any point your buying stuff people do not like, though, OP.

Surely it makes sense for people to say what they would like?

If someone was spending your money would you not want some input into what they spent it on?

Wine “ But to be fair, I only like certain kind of tonic water so if you brought the wrong one to me, I wouldn't drink it. I don't know if that makes me unreasonable but if I'm self isolating, bored and looking forward to my evening gin and tonic, it's got to be the right one!”

I thought volunteers would be getting essentials. I really can’t imagine asking one for a particular brand of anything.

Totally agree with you OP. We've been getting ridiculously specific shopping lists from MIL (but then she's a bit like that....), but as she's family we've also just exercised our judgement with substitutes and thankfully she has been massively grateful for everything we have been able to get for her.

Its totally fair to specify what you want ideally and maybe say no substitutions but I think people need to accept only one shop will be visited so if that shop doesn't have it then they can't have it.

Maybe the schemes need to be super sophisticated so you have waitrose specific volunteers etc For me it was easy to go to our local farm shop yesterday as well stocked and hardly anyone in there apart randomly from a celeb. But I appreciate this may be slightly more expensive than some people would want.

That’s the thing with volunteering, if it isn’t what they need then it isn’t helping. Good intentions are not enough.

YANBU OP, obviously if people have an allergy that is different but just to be “picky” & expect volunteers to run around after you is not the decent thing to do.

The kindest thing I had was when an elderly couple I shop for said “and add a few things for the Food Bank”.

I am in another scheme delivering free packs of groceries, people turning up their noses at what we are delivering is really not appreciated, and specifying times for delivery (when people are meant to be self isolating at home ).

if someone was offering their own time and effort at risk to their own health to go to the shops for me and deliver it, I wouldn't be expecting them to fuck around looking for rose lemonade.

This.

I had this OP, a bloody certain type of Brie & fresh organic Courgettes, a certain make of Dripping , bloody Dripping l ask you who the hell uses heart attack inducing Dripping these days! Not bread & milk for me oh Noooo . This was a neighbour , whose Dd asked her best friend to get her some shopping for them and she bought bread and milk . l am already caring for my Mum and her partner who live 15 miles away. My Dh has a Afib and my DD2 is asthmatic. I so get you !

It’s hardly “fucking around” is it? Unless you’re at a specialist lemonade wholesaler warehouse it’s just being in the lemonade aisle and moving your eyes up, down and side to side in their sockets?

Both my Dcs have allergies so if things get to the point that we need shopping done for us the list would be very specific as we are on a tight budget too so can only afford certain brands of my dcs “safe foods”

I can see your POV; I have been getting supplies for my elderly DM as she is considered extremely vulnerable.

On her lists she includes very specific brands and items that are clearly out of stock. I try my best but more often than not she ends up with 'substitutions'

I just think that she is living in a bit of a bubble and having been off the scene for a number of weeks, she doesn't get what supermarket shelves are like ATM

That's a ridiculous list. Organic apples my arse.

So they shouldn't have the things they like because they are vulnerable and isolating? Yabvu!

I have just done my list for my shopper. I have put sliced bread brown if poss, butter, cheese cheddar if poss, tomatos cucumber shower gel whatever you can get etc. And to go where ever suits them. I am so grateful. And not having been out for 2 weeks I have absolutely no idea what stocks or availability.

I guess it depends what OP would usually do in terms of own shopping.
If you would usually shop around and are still doing your own shopping in those places then you are being unreasonable and you should get the branded stuff.
If you never go to those places for branded stuff then you are definitely not being unreasonable and they should put up with what you can get (any old tonic any old gin etc).

I get this too - I am shopping for someone who can’t leave the house. I am not allowed to substitute anything and the list is from different shops for different items. If it’s Brie (for example) it can only be one brand no others will do. I get being fussy about certain things but not everything when they know this is going on.

"And not having been out for 2 weeks I have absolutely no idea what stocks or availability"

same.

YABU and I think its fine to be specific. What would not be fine, is complaining if you had to make a sensible substitution.

I'd far rather be given a specific list, than be wondering what type of milk they want, what their biscuit preference is, do they want full fat yoghurt, would they rather have branded beans or cheap ones, etc, when mostly its so little effort to get what they actually want rather than something roughly approximating it.

Meanwhile my mum is feeling guilty about putting a pack of biscuits on her shopping list because she feels like its taking the piss. (I'm not local so can't help her).

getting certain brands depends on where the volunteer shops obviously.
If the volunteer shops at those places then fine.
Otherwise get what you are given.
I feel so lucky to be living in a place where two different people offered to shop for me - I have not asked them to do that for me yet - but if I did I would not dream of asking them to go to certain shops.
I would rather risk going out to get it myself (very unwise) than asking for certain brands at the moment.
I guess (not having been out) it all depends on where you are and where your volunteer shops and what your relationship with them is etc.

all brands are being slimmed down

so instead of 20 types of mayonaise theres only 5 and so on -everyone cant have anything they want right now

Bloody hell. How many of those who think OP is unsuited to volunteering are themselves going out to shop for others??

I don't think its it's unreasonable to try to make life as easy as poss for the volunteers. They're trying to keep everyone fed and supplied with basic necessities, it's not their fault you can't go out.

bingoitsadingo

there is a big difference between "semi skimmed or full fat milk" - and "no it has to be organic almond / oat milk with no exceptions" etc

(and your mum should definitely be getting her biscuits )

I think saying "no exceptions" is fine tbh - as long as you accept that means you might not get it! Expecting people to go to multiple shops is obviously not ok. Giving a specific list, and being fine if you don't get it all, I don't see a problem with.

It must depend on the volunteer because the local Facebook site here is asking people to be as specific as possible wrt brand, size and if folks want a substitute if it's available.

Apparently they're finding it much easier as they are not second guessing which option folks would prefer, plus it always helps them shop to the budget of the person they're shopping for.

I am likewise volunteering and would rather get what people know, like and are able to eat. Obviously if it can be substituted for something similar that's good to know. I think YABVU.