If you are receiving shopping via volunteers please can I request

[MatildaTheCat]

That you stick to essential items and keep them as non specific as possible. DH and I shopped for two vulnerable people this morning under an official scheme. Their requests included 1 litre gin (ok maybe essential), branded tonic, branded cleaning items, organic gala apples, rose and raspberry lemonade, non sweetened organic coconut milk and on and on.

I lost a lot of sleep last night worrying about the additional exposure to the public while searching for half this stuff. In fact we did get pretty much everything but had we been asked for ie large brown loaf, cheddar, packet of bacon, mince, frozen peas it would have been a lot less stressful. This is going to last some months for the most vulnerable, if you or your family are in that category please help by keeping it simple.

Thank you.

I shop most days for the elderly/self-isolating people on the road.
It's a fine balance. Mince I want to know how much fat they want, apples - what type?
Gin is very personal - they taste very different, so I tend to ask for a second option. Milk - people where I live like organic and that's more difficult to get so I tend to substitute for non-organic.
Something like rose and raspberry lemonade, if it wasn't available I would get anything.

I completely see your point OP. I have been asked for branded tinned toms, tomatoes on the vine, organic suchandsuch. I'm sure my vulnerable neighbours are perfectly happy with what I manage to get but it does stress me out somewhat when I can't get exactly what they'd like!

Just ask them.

I’d rather have a specific list, and a note what can be varied.

That’s what I check with the people I’ve shopped for.

If they want apples and there are 6 different varieties, why wing it and get Granny Smiths when they’re quite different to Gala?

Apples - prefer Gala, but anything but Granny Smith.

Simple.

Fair play for you volunteering and I agree no one needs something being brand specific when shop shelves can be bare and queues everywhere. I would have got Aldi lemonade just to see the look of horror

Having done some shopping for people who are self isolating I can completely understand where you're coming from. I don't want to be around other shoppers any longer than necessary and I think people can survive without their luxuries.

It should be essentials only, with maybe an easy to find treat thrown in.

I've actually been thinking even the supermarkets need to make generic selection available (if only more delivery slots were too!)

I've been ordering 1 each of different brands/price levels of certain items in the desperate hope of receiving at least 1 of them under the substitution rules.

I'd love to be able to order just "hand wash" - ANY kind I don't care even though my skin is flaring up.

ANY kind of milk, ANY kind of loo roll etc you get the idea.

I think it would save the pickers and packers time too if they weren't having to search for specific brands.

The only reason to specify would be for serious genuine allergies or conditions like coeliac or meds interactions which mean certain brands/types of things wouldn't be suitable.

I was having this moan at the online shopping too @Graphista! Some things it really doesn't matter, other stuff it does!

I agree OP 👍🏻

I agree actually. You are putting yourself at risk to get people their shopping, and happy to do so; but increasing that potential exposure to get a list of particular brands and non essentials seems like an unfair expectation. I am not saying people should just be thankful for what they get and don't deserve the things they enjoy, but it's a meet in the middle in my mind.

But to be fair, I only like certain kind of tonic water so if you brought the wrong one to me, I wouldn't drink it. I don't know if that makes me unreasonable but if I'm self isolating, bored and looking forward to my evening gin and tonic, it's got to be the right one!

@emmathedilemma exactly different for different people too.

So a generic offering should be available alongside brands so people who are fine getting eg ANY kind of teabags or bread or whatever can click the "any sliced bread please" option

I think they'd find right now a lot of people would do that for the basics.

@Wineiscooling and that is fair enough, we all have our favourite things, most of us are having to make so with what we can get just for now. If someone went to Tesco, say, for you, and got the rest of your shopping, would you really expect them to go to another shop just for tonic? They are already putting themselves at risk by going out, let alone to 2 supermarkets or shops (and no one, even those deemed low risk is invincible when it comes to covid), it seems pretty selfish to me, personally. Obviously if everything is available in one place say Asda, and someone for no real reason goes to Sainsbury's and so can't get it that is maybe different. I think the expectation on volunteers might be a bit high.

Yep, definitely takes longer to do someone else’s shopping!

There is a fine line between useful preferences and being irritatingly picky! Can’t say the inlaws have got that right but to be fair I wouldn’t have realised until after that first trip.

One thing I do now, when I get the list is group items by aisles and put them in order - 2 mins doing that definitely saves more time in the shop.

DH told his parents will will go once a week only; to one supermarket only; we will try our best but expect substitutions and omissions.

It is a good job I went this week as MIL asked for FRESH cranberries. DH would’ve spent ages looking for them!

I’ll swap you the picky one for my aunt, whose list is along the lines of “turnips (how many?) pepper (what, ground or capsicum? If the latter, what colour and how many?), soup (WTF), fizzy drink (WTAF), tinned meat (literally forty different options, please help me a bit here), baking bits (......) and fruit (had enough now)”.

I know she’s doing it to try and help and not be fussy but I find it actually much much more stressful!

Seriously though, you are already in the shop, it really does only take a few seconds to look a bit harder for their special lemonade or whatever and it could really cheer up their horrible isolation. You’re sounding a tiny bit like a pissed off Lady Bountiful which I am sure is not the look you are going for.

I’ve had times of being housebound for a few weeks on and off in my life. I try to write semi specific lists e.g mild cheddar, unsmoked bacon, a small packet of... because sometimes people have a higher budget than I do or they forget I’m single and buy me as many carrots as they’d need to feed them, their husband and kids.

It’s hard to lose that control. I expect for people who’ve never experienced it before or expected to experience it anytime soon, it’s worse.

brand specific can relate to dietary requirements, tbf.

I’d have been pretty irritated at that list @MatildaTheCat. If they ask again maybe respond with are generic/ approximates ok as I’d like to get in and out as swiftly as possible.
There’s a weird cognitive dissonance going on whereby people seem to think that if somethings important or for the greater good all common sense goes out the window. I had to go into the office today (key worker, essential admin for our very vulnerable clients) and it was like a fucking cocktail party. New volunteers, no social distancing ad hoc agendaless and long face to face meetings no social distancing...
I’ve already raised it with management and HR to platitudes or no response.

OP I feel for you. Barring allergies, they should say an alternative or nothing.

Plus the requests you’ve had sound mad.

Lol!! Has Camilla come down with it now then?

I agree with you, op.

YANBU. I'm isolating, and if anyone is exposing themselves to the virus on my behalf then I'm grateful and would make do with whatever you could manage to find.

I suspect this all depends on how the OP wishes to portray it. I have to say my guess would be not well if you are the type to be lying awake and stressing and making a massive ham out of the whole thing.

If they are insisting it must be sir tarquins gin with a damson gin crossover, yes of course you are right. It's an unreasonable request. However if they are just asking because it's just what they always get and it hadn't occurred to them to say different then give them a break and use common sense.

However having dealt with and run volunteers for years you somewhat get used to certain types. The ones who make a massive meal out of it all, expect prostration and thanks and people to be oh so very grateful for the merest crumb of help. It tends to factor into their need to identify as a "good person ". In reality a sensible volunteer will say in this scenario , "look I'll get a close as I can but it is what it is at the moment, I totally understand the need for treats and I'll do my best" , then will use their brain and not spend an extra 20 minutes finding something specific but where they can find it easily will grab it.

If you help, do exactly that , without a song and dance , without histrionics and without winging. Otherwise stay home because that's a better help.

In care services there is some concern about people helping for the wrong reasons and doing some almighty damage at the same time. Anyone in care worth their salt knows exactly the damage a hand wringing histrionic rescuer does , and whilst fine in the short term it may be desperate enough to be needed , I really do wish people would treat each other like adults and for once drop the need for self validation.

If you feel that nervous and that scared then dont do it, theres no shame in just staying home.

So stop stressing and just give them what you can find with a cheery smile. Nice one for volunteering though.

They are being fussy and demanding. Surely most people would specify lemonade, coconut milk et rather than a list of specifics that are most likely more time consuming to get

I don't think it is at all fair to refer to the OP as lady bountiful. If you are volunteering to do other people's shopping you are putting yourself at additional risk. As someone else said, no one is guaranteed to survive this virus with no ill effects.

Just a little reasonableness would be good on both sides really.

This is like the pta threads of old No one wants to be on the pta but lordy everyone wants to slag off those who do volunteer.