If you are receiving shopping via volunteers please can I request

[MatildaTheCat]

That you stick to essential items and keep them as non specific as possible. DH and I shopped for two vulnerable people this morning under an official scheme. Their requests included 1 litre gin (ok maybe essential), branded tonic, branded cleaning items, organic gala apples, rose and raspberry lemonade, non sweetened organic coconut milk and on and on.

I lost a lot of sleep last night worrying about the additional exposure to the public while searching for half this stuff. In fact we did get pretty much everything but had we been asked for ie large brown loaf, cheddar, packet of bacon, mince, frozen peas it would have been a lot less stressful. This is going to last some months for the most vulnerable, if you or your family are in that category please help by keeping it simple.

Thank you.

I guess I was nervous because I just wanted to get it right.

I could tell from your post! You're a good'un, OP.

I totally agree that more communication is needed and being new to this it’s a learning curve.

And most recipients are new to it too; there'll be quite a lot of settling in for everyone. Wishing you lots of strength and calm for negotiating the bumps!

Look if youre getting anxiety just thinking about helping these vulnerable people that your specifying what they should and should not order in the future then perhaps I think you shouldn’t really help. Good that you offered but let someone else do it.

YANBU. My elderly mother has requested among other things: runner beans which must be thin, not too thick; celery which cannot be too green; and a pasta salad which must have a best before date within the dates given to me. Even more bizarre that she grew up during WW2 so should have an understanding that substitutions may be necessary.

I think you are being completely reasonable and I am saddened by the response of some people on here.

It is ok to request something specific however if it were me volunteering I would ask the person whether they would be happy for a substitute and if not then being clear you cannot go to lots of shops!

It up to them then to ask for what they want and, like the rest of us, learn to make compromises or go without

Then they tell the organiser about serious allergies that are life-threatening, I mean, c'mon! Who wouldn't make that clear in such a setting?

As for 'treats', well, a lot of us in rural areas are on basic rations due to food scarcity. It's not ideal but you can't magic up food. If it's not there it's not there.

My in laws's list was hilariously specific - apricots, but you know - the nice ones.

In our local village scheme people are being super reasonable. The list I had yesterday was very straightforward and no brands specified.

I guess as well that the 'volunteer' numbers will drop pretty quickly if it gets too difficult to do. But clearly there are loads of people on here who will be happy to drive around for hours to source specific items

Completely agree. Specifying brands seems petty.
I get asking for treats that's fair enough but if you have to spend time hunting out unusual things and specific brands then it does extend exposure.

These are truly unusual times YANBU.

If I am doing shopping I want them to be as specific as possible otherwise l agonise over the brand size flavour etc.

Why on earth would you lose sleep over it? If you that anxious don't do it. We shop for neighbours who are quiet specific but I feel sorry for them as they no family & quite vulnerable. They know I'll just go to one shop on a particular day unless they need pharmacy too. I don't go round the shops hunting for stuff & they wouldn't expect me to.

Totally see your point x

My DH is offering to do emergency shopping and collection of medicines for people in the village. A women rang him on his emergency number and asked for a newspaper because she wanted the TV guide!

My DS works in a supermarket. He has had someone complain they don’t like the brand of toilet roll they keep getting delivered and demanded he speak to a manager about an exact delivery date for Andrex.

Some people are incredibly self absorbed and sometimes just plain batty.

I agree with you OP and can see why you'd get frustrated. Keep it general. Gin, tonic, coconut milk, apples. Not branded stuff that you have to search for -everyone is at risk, so volunteering doesn't mean you have nothing better to do than put your own health at risk and spend unnecessary time searching for said items around the shop!
Obviously, they might have put the brand or organic as a preference - ie if you can, please pick this. That's different.
Also, I don't class gin or any alcohol as an essential food item at the moment, sorry!!

Well yes there are times when specific helps-for example I only really like braeburn apples, or if it's likely to be easy to find-heinz maybe.

Rose lemonade might be specific to only a couple of supermarkets.

Or it might be common place & Op find it easily!

Well done for helping others, Op.

celery which cannot be too green;

That wins the prize for pickiness!

if it's keeping you up at night i don't think you're particularly suited to this volunteering business...

I ‘ve done it over the weekend and I did find it stressful. You want to get it right and you are aware it’s their money you are spending.
Mine peoples shopping had dietary restrictions but was also quite high end. It was completely opposite to my broad church, bargain approach to shopping.

However I found it very helpful that they gave me specifics. It was the non specific things like “pears ” - how many ? crunchy or juicy . That sort of thing.
I also felt bad as clearly they hadn’t expected everything to be in stock and I had obviously bought too much.

TBF, I don't think what the OP is suggesting is unreasonable.

Nor do I.

By all means state a preference if the item is easily available, but be prepared to settle for an equivalent if necessary.

People complain about fussy kids - some adults are just as bad.

As for 'treats', well, a lot of us in rural areas are on basic rations due to food scarcity. It's not ideal but you can't magic up food. If it's not there it's not there.

But it's not a demand is it, it's a request. There's nothing at all wrong with asking for your favourite brand or flavour of something. We may be in lockdown but that doesn't mean all pleasures have to go out of the window.

Yep. Generic list. I write a list for my partner and it has generic stuff on, nmand he's my partner. Not sure why people are sati g you ar being unreasonable.

YANBU. My DM requested 8 pints of milk (was she going to bathe in it?) mangoes and soft FRENCH cheese and mangoes, amongst other things. I went to 4 shops to fulfil her order.

i'm taking orders for friends (not official volunteering) atm and i'd much rather something specific than have to make a decision on the spot. as in ?what size pack? small or large tin? branded or particular flavour? all relevant and helpful info.

You are not being unreasonable OP and your response to posters confirms that! I am shopping for my parents, they keep things to a minimum and "whatever is available". I pop in extras I think they might like myself.

I have signed up to deliver ready packed food boxes through a charity I volunteer for ordinarily. They were looking for volunteers to do shopping as well and I've not signed up for that, because I know I would not be able to deal with worrying about getting the right thing or something going wrong on the payment side. Well done for what you are doing.

I can see where you’re coming from OP, I’ve had to have a gentle word with my parents about their requests. I mean DH and I are happy to get shopping for them and relieved they’re staying in but I think because they haven’t had to go to the supermarket for a couple of weeks, they don’t realise that it’s actually a bit stressful right now what with queues to get in and the distancing requirements.

I know they’re pretty well stocked so when I say I’m going to the supermarket, do you need anything? I mean topping up fresh bread, milk, fruit and veg etc. Bit frustrating to hear one calling to the other to see what they fancy off the top of their heads - ask her is she going to X shop that does that nice chia seed bread or see if they have those little oranges but the ones in the little box, not the net and so on.

I don’t mind picking up a treat while I’m shopping and usually do unasked but it’s not like I’m just going there to kill an hour 🙄! I’m shopping for my own family too and picking up some bits for a neighbour as well as WFH and trying to keep two primary school dc going with school work. It’s not deliberate I know but it’s still frustrating.

this is so mumsnet!
:)