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AIBU?

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Original poster

If you are receiving shopping via volunteers please can I request

440 replies

MatildaTheCat · 31/03/2020 15:25

That you stick to essential items and keep them as non specific as possible. DH and I shopped for two vulnerable people this morning under an official scheme. Their requests included 1 litre gin (ok maybe essential), branded tonic, branded cleaning items, organic gala apples, rose and raspberry lemonade, non sweetened organic coconut milk and on and on.

I lost a lot of sleep last night worrying about the additional exposure to the public while searching for half this stuff. In fact we did get pretty much everything but had we been asked for ie large brown loaf, cheddar, packet of bacon, mince, frozen peas it would have been a lot less stressful. This is going to last some months for the most vulnerable, if you or your family are in that category please help by keeping it simple.

Thank you.

OP posts:
adaline · 01/04/2020 11:01

No problem for me, I can continue to do their shopping without substitutions

I think that's probably the answer - if people request something and if it's not available they just don't get. But I don't think there's anything wrong at all with requesting it in the first place.

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 01/04/2020 11:02

It would be if hot chocolate was out of stock & they had to travel to 7 cafes to find that drink and then the homeless person complain it wasn’t the particular brand they liked, so didn’t drink it...

Except there is nothing in the OP's posts to indicate that the recipients complained or refused to accept what was bought.

FableFlower · 01/04/2020 11:04

Ok, so what can be ordered your highness?

Get your own shopping then your highness.

GrumpiestOldWoman · 01/04/2020 11:05

as it's available, why should they not be able to have it?

Because they are relying on a community volunteer to risk their own health to get it for you.

There is a virus circulating that could conceivably kill you. You catch it in public places. The volunteers are spending more time in public places to make sure you have food on the table at all.

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 01/04/2020 11:07

There's also no indication that the OP was expected to visit several different shops in the one she went to didn't have the right stocks.

The lack of communication re: possible substitutions is the learning point from this, but there is absolutely no reason to think the recipients were unreasonable or anything other than totally understanding of the fact that not everything would necessarily be in stock.

adaline · 01/04/2020 11:11

Get your own shopping then your highness.

Some people CAN'T GO OUT. If they can't get an online delivery the they have no choice but to rely on volunteers. What is it you fail to understand about that?

FableFlower · 01/04/2020 11:14

I completely get that Adaline. My reply was because the poster I was replying to doesn't seem very appreciative of the fact others are putting themselves at risk to get their shopping in. Calling the OP her highness when she's actually doing someone a huge favour and risking her own health?

adaline · 01/04/2020 11:15

Because they are relying on a community volunteer to risk their own health to get it for you.

Yes, but that volunteer is already out in the shops anyway. They're not putting themselves at any real extra risk by spending an extra thirty seconds looking for a certain brand of biscuit.

adaline · 01/04/2020 11:16

Calling the OP her highness when she's actually doing someone a huge favour and risking her own health?

I think if you're not willing to do a favour with good grace, then you shouldn't do it.

FableFlower · 01/04/2020 11:17

I guess I don't see anything in the OP that suggests she's not doing so with good grace but we'll agree to disagree.

ismellamouse · 01/04/2020 11:18

I lost a lot of sleep last night worrying about the additional exposure to the public while searching for half this stuff

If it is making you so anxious OP don't do it. I'm volunteering too but have no anxiety about going shopping (I'm more bothered by the lack of a proper system of reimbursement for paying for someone's shopping if you're not allowed to take their debit card). Maybe you could volunteer by talking to people on the phone instead.

FrenchBoule · 01/04/2020 11:20

The volunteer is out in the shop. One shop as single shop. Not plural shopS.

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 01/04/2020 11:21

The OP's post is sufficiently identifying that, if the recipient is a mumsnetter, they will recognise their own shopping and feel shamed/guilted about it. The recipient will be vulnerable for whatever reason, but isn't necessarily elderly, and could be a poster on MN.

The OP could quite easily have gone back to the volunteer group and discussed ways of managing the expectation of recipients, and communicating with recipients regarding possible substitutions for products that weren't in the shops. Instead she chose to make a song and dance about it on the internet. I don't call that much of a 'favour' tbh.

And loads of posters have inferred, on the basis of no evidence at all, that the recipients of the shopping 'berated' the OP, 'complained', 'refused to pay', and were 'taking the piss'. Nothing about the OP suggests those things at all. They just requested a list of food.

Raspberry lemonade is in the fucking soft drinks aisle of most standard supermarkets, it's not something you need to 'source'! if it's not there, get ordinary lemonade, or if that's not there, get nothing and make a note that lemonade wasn't available.

FrenchBoule · 01/04/2020 11:26

@adaline I don’t have a problem to look at the shelves in the shop for mcvities digestives. I have a problem when neighbour agrees to substitute digestives for rich teas then refuses to accept them as they are asda’s rich teas but Tesco’s would be perfectly fine.

I’m not schlepping round shops to fulfil her requests as I’m going to ONE shop of choice.

This is about flexibility or lack of.

adaline · 01/04/2020 11:33

I don’t have a problem to look at the shelves in the shop for mcvities digestives. I have a problem when neighbour agrees to substitute digestives for rich teas then refuses to accept them as they are asda’s rich teas but Tesco’s would be perfectly fine.

That wasn't what I was referring to. I agree people need to be flexible and accept substitutions.

There are just quite a few posts on here from people who think daring to ask for a preferred brand or flavour of something is totally unacceptable when you're relying on volunteers - there was just a bit of an undertone from some people of "be grateful for what you've got" which I don't think is very pleasant.

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 01/04/2020 11:44

there was just a bit of an undertone from some people of "be grateful for what you've got" which I don't think is very pleasant

I agree - that is exactly the tone of some of the posts on this thread, and it's horrible.

Ok, some things aren't in stock right now, but lots of things are. Our last shop was on Friday, and the only things that we couldn't get were pasta and toilet roll. We bought (among other things) biscuits, eggs, Lindt bunnies, beer, a good selection of cheeses... (this is in one standard supermarket in a northern market town, not anywhere niche or obscure).

If the treat someone likes might be in stock, denying that person the opportunity to even ask for it is just mean spirited and judgemental. If anything, small treats that put a smile on someone's face are more important now than ever.

Flexibility and communication are key, but they aren't going to be achieved by posting on an internet forum.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 01/04/2020 11:50

I think most people have internet access at the moment, my neighbour next door does. If I tell her that I'm going to Tesco, for example, she'll have a look at Tesco groceries add them to 'basket' and send me a snip of her basket.

She tells me (with an asterisk*) what isn't to be substituted. Works perfectly! Grin

If somebody can't/won't shop, they may still have the time to help the shopper by looking up the product they want from the relevant shop.

Legoandloldolls · 01/04/2020 11:57

I dont think yabu at all. Dh has told me that healthy family he knows are shielding and people are bringing their food. But people have also seen them out.

It's totally selfish and like you say, put the OP at additional risk.

I thought the aim was to survive the next few months? You can survive on any brand of coconut milk no?

GrumpiestOldWoman · 01/04/2020 11:57

extra thirty seconds looking for a certain brand of biscuit.

Multiply that over 10-20 items that's an extra 5-10 minutes everytime they shop Hmm

GrumpiestOldWoman · 01/04/2020 12:02

I think if you're not willing to do a favour with good grace, then you shouldn't do it.

Are there surplus volunteers, has anyone been told they're not needed? If OP and others don't bother because they aren't willing to exactly replicate the commercial supermarket picking and delivery service - how do you think the people who can't go out will be fed?

adaline · 01/04/2020 12:14

Multiply that over 10-20 items that's an extra 5-10 minutes everytime they shop

And I really don't see an issue with that when you're out anyway, but clearly we don't agree on that.

I just don't like the attitude of "I'm doing this as a FAVOUR so you'd better be damn grateful for what you have even if it's food you're not actually going to eat." If you begrudge spending an extra ten minutes in the shop helping someone out, then maybe volunteering to do people's food shops isn't for you.

GrumpiestOldWoman · 01/04/2020 12:36

And I really don't see an issue with that when you're out anyway

Look up viral load. It's not a binary catch it/don't catch it.

Cohle · 01/04/2020 12:45

I'm shopping for my parents at the moment.

I'd rather know exactly what they wanted in an ideal world. If I have to substitute then fine, but I don't really understand the point in them saying "rice" when what they actually want is "microwaveable brown basmati rice". At least the later gives me some info to work with when picking an alternative.

I wouldn't want vulnerable people being stuck eating food they hate just because people think they should be grovelling grateful to be eating at all.

Plus of course for some people with eg autism or dementia, familiar foods may be really important.

MediocreOmens · 01/04/2020 12:55

Great posts by @anothernotherone and @WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles. We are all having to make changes to our normal diets regardless of whether we can go to the shops ourselves or not. I think better guidance from the volunteering service to the service users and volunteers would be best to solve the issues OP is having. I also agree with a poster up thread who said there is a good balance between being ultra specific and expecting the volunteer/family member to search several shops for something and just writing apples with no further guidance.

NaturalBornWoman · 01/04/2020 13:01

Look up viral load. It's not a binary catch it/don't catch it

So don’t volunteer then. But don’t virtue signal about how you’re volunteering and helping then bitch about people asking for perfectly normal items of shopping. The pink lemonade is right there on the shelf next to the value stuff, ditto the Bon Maman apricot conserve next to the essentials jam and the vine tomatoes next to the tasteless ‘salad’ variety. Either do it or don’t, it isn’t mandatory.