If you are receiving shopping via volunteers please can I request

[MatildaTheCat]

That you stick to essential items and keep them as non specific as possible. DH and I shopped for two vulnerable people this morning under an official scheme. Their requests included 1 litre gin (ok maybe essential), branded tonic, branded cleaning items, organic gala apples, rose and raspberry lemonade, non sweetened organic coconut milk and on and on.

I lost a lot of sleep last night worrying about the additional exposure to the public while searching for half this stuff. In fact we did get pretty much everything but had we been asked for ie large brown loaf, cheddar, packet of bacon, mince, frozen peas it would have been a lot less stressful. This is going to last some months for the most vulnerable, if you or your family are in that category please help by keeping it simple.

Thank you.

but we aren't complaining we are hoping for flour and then we can make our own bread. İt's not a time to be fussy

But you're making your own choices. The OP is complaining that the people she's shopping for aren't leaving the choices to her.

@Theworldisfullofgs Because someone is kindly doing you a favour
The alternative is to get your own shopping

How the hell CAN they get their own shopping though, if they have to stay in?!
Also, how is it kindly doing you a favour if you judge what is or isn't essential shopping, run to MN to moan/put up stipulations?
If I get someone's shopping, it's because I want to help.
Not complain they're asking for branded stuff or maybe some alcohol as well.
It's not my shopping list, so things I usually buy wouldn't be on there?
If I was that scared of going out in the shops too long I wouldn't be volunteering in the first place to go.

The OP isn't complaining that someone prefers bended items, they are saying they would like people to be mindful that shops aren't stocking everything so be flexible with what volunteers can get in the supermarket instead of expecting them to go shop to shop hunting for branded items.

It's not unreasonable to say this at a time when everyone has their preferences but also has to be flexible.

wotcha you've hit the nail on the head. Volunteering when people are so entitled is just not worth the hassle especially when it increases your own risk by being out longer.

Especially when yesterday the news was a young person also died and it's not just older people at risk.

I get everyone is scared but someone's need to exert control pales into to insignificance when the conversation I'm having with my nhs friends where both parents are working in ICU is 'please will you make sure our children are ok if something happens to us". I think there needs to be some perspective on here that rose lemonade or specific organic apples are really not that important.

Tbh on reflection I think this person is taking the piss out of the volunteers, sad but you’ll always get them

They probably think a standard brand is easier to find in whatever shop you're going to. Just ask them to write what you can or can't substitute next time if you couldn't find it all in one place, what the most important things on the list are and ask where they usually shop (clearly Waitrose!). Or don't do it if it's causing too much stress; help them get set up online instead. We usually use 4 supermarkets for different things, so we're substituting our preferred items and changing brand or just getting totally different treats to use one online. From online deliveries and neighbour chat group it sounds like the shops are quite full with only specific things that are hard to get hold of in any brand, so it shouldn't be so hard if you know what shop to go to and what you can substitute. Not everything can be readily substituted for some people though; Marmite wasn't available online and nor was yeast, there's nothing that I would buy instead.

Our local volunteering group is asking for people to help others with essential minor maintenance such as changing lightbulbs. I can imagine some people asking for their front door to be painted whilst sipping their rose and raspberry lemonade.

I wonder how some of the posts will "age" over the next few weeks/months. (I mean ones like well I only want a certain brand of tonic water preference not life threatening allergy requirements).

People who are privileged enough not to realise that gin and a more expensive specified flavour/brand of lemonade are a want (and I'd say a luxury for some of us) in a lot of peoples shopping in "normal" times, may have a hard adjustment to this pandemic, I fear.

Volunteer groups asking people to do odd jobs in homes are putting themselves and other s at risk.

Clicked post too soon!

I absolutely think people who can afford it and aren't harming anyone should be able to have their wants met (even in a pandemic if possible!). The obvious solution to this is online shopping, pick your brands, accept substitutes, take your time, pay what you want and get what you want.

But at the moment this can't happen - we all know it isn't happening and we know why. These are extraordinary circumstances impacting everyone.

So people have to make adjustments to what they want and expect. Normal life is interrupted. Someone is kindly volunteering their own time and health to help others essentials so they are fed and watered. Don't take the piss with wanky items that need to be sourced rather than shopped. They are a volunteer helping many people, not just you.

If you want someone to source you specific luxury items, pay someone or wait for the online shopping to come back and accept you will have an interruption to your preferences in the meantime.

(And I am disabled and used to having to rely on people to help me, paid or volunteer, friends and family etc. I know the difference between paid workers and volunteers. I know the difference between a need and a want. It fucking sucks a lot of the time. But this is my life all the time)

All people are being asked to do here in this specific case is distinguish between a need and a want and give a thought to how to avoid extra unnecessary workload for other people giving up their time to help others, in what is hopefully an emergency measure for a short term.

Given what's going on in the world, I would be embarrassed to be putting people out to get a particular flavour of soft drink for me, quite frankly.

This reminds me of when people offer to buy homeless people a coffee and then get shitty when they ask for a hot chocolate instead, like they're not allowed a preference.

I think there needs to be some perspective on here that rose lemonade or specific organic apples are really not that important

^This

This reminds me of when people offer to buy homeless people a coffee and then get shitty when they ask for a hot chocolate instead, like they're not allowed a preference
Not the same at all.

One someone is offering a drink and it's neither here nor there what the person would like.

The OP's situation is someone volunteering to shop and someone being so specific that they expect the volunteer to put themselves and others at greater risk so they can have their branded item when EVERYONE is having to adapt what they're able to buy at the moment. Volunteering to get food in for someone isn't signing up to be someone's personal shopper and driving round town to get specific items during a pandemic.

People who are privileged enough not to realise that gin and a more expensive specified flavour/brand of lemonade are a want (and I'd say a luxury for some of us) in a lot of peoples shopping in "normal" times, may have a hard adjustment to this pandemic, I fear.

People do realise they're a want. But there's nothing wrong with wanting things. We might be in a pandemic but that doesn't mean we have to survive on stale bread and water. People are allowed to want nice things!

If I was going to the shop anyway I would have no objection to looking for a certain brand of biscuits or flavour of lemonade. People are still allowed to eat nice food and drink nice things!

@WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles exactly what you’ve said, with bells on.

This is not the time to be choosy or picky.Essential items only.

Essential items- if there’s no Hovis do you want Warburton’s or no bread at all?

No organic gala apples- do you want non organic braeburns or not?

No Andrex loo roll- tesco’s own brand or none?

No pissing about with Fentimans rose lemonade and Harris Gin 😡😡😡

This reminds me of when people offer to buy homeless people a coffee and then get shitty when they ask for a hot chocolate instead, like they're not allowed a preference
Not the same at all.

It would be if hot choclate was out of stock & they had to travel to 7 cafes to find that drink and then the homeless person complain it wasn’t the particular brand they liked, so didn’t drink it...

It's not about the items being important. It's about someone being stuck in the house, not being able to get their own shopping, and people complaining when they ask for the things they actually want, instead of the stuff other people think they should have. How hard is it to look for a specific brand while you are in the Isle for that item anyway,. If its not there, they don't get it, the same way they wouldn't if it was an online order. There are plenty of brands I don't like, so if I asked for a certain thing, I would rather not have it than have any old substitution.

I`ve done a couple of shops for a relative. Done their shop and tbh it takes me twice as long!! brand specific is fine as long as the shopper either says heinz or none or any brand.

This is not the time to be choosy or picky. Essential items only.

So you've not bought yourself anything above necessities? No extra packet of biscuits, no crisps, no cakes or cookies or anything special?

It's hard enough to be stuck inside for weeks on end, let alone being stuck inside and forced to eat what someone else decides is acceptable for you to eat.

If they'e asked for something and it's not available in Tesco, then they can have a substitution, but refusing to buy someone something from a shop you're in anyway because you don't think is necessary is really shocking, sorry. It's their money!

That shopping list does sound precious and entitled. Everyone is having to compromise on the groceries they can have at the moment. I would also like to stay safely home and have my shopping done for me, but it’s not really feasible even though i’m also vulnerable. So I put on mask and gloves and get my own, grabbing whatever is easy to obtain and fit for purpose. It’s really inconsiderate to hand over a shopping list full of hard-to-source items.

@WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles has been consistently smart and realistic throughout this thread.

What those accusing OP of playing lady bountiful / fast & loose with people’s allergies / sense of self worth fail to appreciate is that these vulnerable people she’s shopping for all have priority access to every online store and so could either shop online themselves or ha e someone do it for them and guess what? The shop will do exactly the same thing, and will either substitute or fail to bring what isn’t there.

As an aside, gin with rose / raspberry lemonade sounds quite good to me.

But OP isn't in Tesco adaline refusing to buy something when she is already there, she originally asked if she was BU to request people keep their shopping lists simple for the volunteers. Obviously the discussion has widened but that's the basic premise and I think OP is NBU.

I do think treats are important and morale boosting, of course I do but sometimes they have to be recognised as treats and foregone. Hopefully this is a very short term problem and online shopping will resume as previous.

(I don't actually think it will but that's a different thread and perhaps an argument for getting used to range reductions and shortages etc)

It's interesting, I think, where people set their bars. Maybe I am more cautious about trying not to inconvenience people as I spend so much of my life having to ask people for things. I think this circumstance is similar to me wanting DH to take me to the shop when he's worked a long shift and is "going above and beyond" to accommodate me just because I want to get out of the house and choose chocolate and a magazine myself rather than needing bread and milk. Then I would either forego it, or go to the nearest shop and pick quickly. At the weekends when we have the luxury of time and choice we can go to all the shops and buy all the chocolate I think OP's situation is comparable to the first rather than the second.

(DH would uncomplainingly take me to any shop I wanted any time, which is why I'm careful not to take the piss and recognise which situation justifies which level of effort).

Well thank you Herman its not often I am recognised for my good sense but I'm now going to be awfully rude and say that isn't true about the vulnerable getting slots to every online store, this just isn't happening which is why people are relying on volunteers. It's a nightmare trying to get slots or food boxes at the moment even for the most vulnerable.

I think ire should be directed at the retailers and government for failure to prepare and fucking this up and denying people their pink gin, rather than expecting volunteers to make up the shortfall...

@adaline I did. Except I’m buying for myself and my family. If there’s no digestives I’ll buy rich tea biscuits and they can take it or leave it.

If I get a request from my neighbour for something so specific then she needs to decide if she wants the substitution or not.If not then that’s ok, if yes then I can try to get something as close to original as possible. It’s frustrating when they say yes first then upon seeing substitution they refuse to take it.
No problem for me, I can continue to do their shopping without substitutions( as I don’t want to be left out of pocket if the item is not upto their liking) or I can just leave them to organise their own shopping.

All shopping is now depending on availability and seems like everybody who goes to the shop knows what is it like with some shelves completely empty.

People needing their shopping delivered might not have a clue what the situation is and some of their perfectly normal requests in 6 months ago turns into a very unreasonable one.

There is parallel thread running with lady not wanting to help elderly any more.Have a read yourself.

I do think treats are important and morale boosting, of course I do but sometimes they have to be recognised as treats and foregone. Hopefully this is a very short term problem and online shopping will resume as previous.

Yes, online shopping is busy and yes, it's hard to get slots, but there is plenty of food available - including treats. I had a shop arrive on Sunday and I got everything I ordered except for two jars of pasta sauce. And that included treats.

We might be in a pandemic but that doesn't mean we have to just live off the essentials. There is plenty of food available and if people who are stuck home 23 hours a day want some nice biscuits and their favourite lemonade then as long as it's available, why should they not be able to have it?

What those accusing OP of playing lady bountiful / fast & loose with people’s allergies / sense of self worth fail to appreciate is that these vulnerable people she’s shopping for all have priority access to every online store and so could either shop online themselves or ha e someone do it for them and guess what? The shop will do exactly the same thing, and will either substitute or fail to bring what isn’t there.

The shop won't shame them on the internet and tell them not to request those things though, will it?

And there are so few delivery slots that most vulnerable people cannot access them.