If you are receiving shopping via volunteers please can I request

[MatildaTheCat]

That you stick to essential items and keep them as non specific as possible. DH and I shopped for two vulnerable people this morning under an official scheme. Their requests included 1 litre gin (ok maybe essential), branded tonic, branded cleaning items, organic gala apples, rose and raspberry lemonade, non sweetened organic coconut milk and on and on.

I lost a lot of sleep last night worrying about the additional exposure to the public while searching for half this stuff. In fact we did get pretty much everything but had we been asked for ie large brown loaf, cheddar, packet of bacon, mince, frozen peas it would have been a lot less stressful. This is going to last some months for the most vulnerable, if you or your family are in that category please help by keeping it simple.

Thank you.

OP - I totally agree with you!

DPIL always spend six weeks in the sun after Christmas and having refused to cut short their holiday, managed to fly back in just before all flights were cancelled. DH and I did a big shop before they got back and stocked up the freezer and every cupboard...and carefully wiped down everything we had touched before we left the house. Given their ages, underlying health conditions and international flights, they are now in isolation. But obviously we said do let us know if you need anything....and within 24 hours the list arrived. It listed all the puddings they wanted, the wine selection etc etc....they had the mindset of still being in a 5* Caribbean hotel with a full room service menu. Having not set foot in a supermarket since early February, they don’t have a clue what it’s like out there. I was also shopping for another friend in self isolation who would just ask for any green vegetables and bread...and I know which one I preferred!

Mum asked for plain biscuits last week i got her hobnobs I panicked

PerkingFaintly yes you're right - ideally communication is important to let the person being shopped for know why you are unable to spend hours in the massive superstore trying to locate their very specialised list of items. I think the poster who says she's only offering to shop at Aldi has it right tbh.

I don't know how far communication lines are open for the kind of community shopping volunteer the op is. Presumably there is no face to face contact if the recipients are shielding and the lists are assigned to volunteers via whoever is managing the volunteers... Maybe not?

I only shop for people I know but have made it clear I am not visiting different shops for specific items and will buy only what is in the nearest supermarket. It's work related in my case though anyway so rather different (I work in adult social care but as we have medically very vulnerable residents we're severely limiting visits to shops, which are usually quite a central theme. It can't be helped at the moment as 4 of the 14 residents are very high risk indeed despite being relatively young).

mrsjayy

I can see myself doing that too 😀

Everyone I've delivered to this week has just been SO grateful they've got most of their items, haven't blinked an eye at substitutions or winged about baked beans! Thank you!!

Tbh they’ve probably done you a favour in going for specific, more expensive/niche items and making it clear.

My partner is very fussy/likes fancy stuff. He’s found it easier as the things he likes aren’t sold out. Seemingly no one wants the organic spelt flour or the kalamata olive oil.

But PS you’re wonderful for helping! xx

Look. There's a happy medium between having no guidance beyond a list that says 'loaf, bacon, apples and milk' etc, and one that requires a vounteer to go to three or four different shops. And the vast majority of those of us who actually DO shop for other people have said that we'd prefer brands and types to be specified, because it makes it easier.

As long as it's made clear to the recipients that it might not be possible to get exactly what they want, and that they're prepared to accept substitutions, there's absolutely no need for someone like the OP to get her knickers in a twist and go to several different stores.

Frankly if someone gave me no guide at all to their preferences or budget, I'd be VERY much more worried about doing their shop.

I read it as the organising group would take the hit, and the volunteer gets their money. Still a difficult situation. This is why we need click and collect or delivery to be working better.

Yes that’s correct. From reading the replies here it’s absolutely clear that everyone has different views on what they would be happy to receive. That’s difficult when you are choosing items for total strangers. It will definitely be easier next time.

A few people have been really unpleasant on this thread. The person who says they manage volunteers for a living might want to consider whether her volunteers have received any training whatsoever? And whether it might be worth working together to get things right rather than advising them to piss off if they find it a bit daunting at times?

For all those who have been supportive or constructive, thank you. All noted.

Good night.

I don't agree that shielding people will necessarily know that there are no eggs in a specific supermarket. It's incredibly area specific, and in my area there are loads of eggs! The news does not tell you what your local Morrisons or Tesco has in stock, so best just to put down what you actually want, but for both parties to be clear on what can be substituted if need be.

Communication is definitely key here, it reduces the burden the volunteer places on themselves to get the 'right' thing, and it ensures the recipient gets as much of the food they like as is feasible given the constraints.

I can see the OPs POV. If someone was doing me a favour I wouldn’t be so picky as they are putting themselves at risk to do it...

Our neighbours are self isolating so we’ve been getting their groceries, mainly food and prescriptions ... which is all essential. They then started asking for wine and booze and now I’m a bit

If I was asking volunteers I'd be very generic
Potatoes
Carrots
Any fruit you can get
Teabags
Etc

See. @Bookoffacts that's exactly the nightmare I've just posted about. How much? how many? What quality? What budget?

I'd far rather you said
2kg of king edwards
500g carrots
I kg various fruits (apples, pears, oranges for preference)
Teabags (80 - English Breakfast if possible)

If you volunteer to get my shopping, please get what I ask for or don't bother.

Because I genuinely wouldn't use it if you bought me things I didn't like. So I'd go without what I needed and would have spent money on things I didn't want.

If you want to be Lady Bountiful then don't do it for me. Why have I got to be treated differently just because I'm 'old'?

I think it's ok to specify branded if it's in the shop and you know it's sold there. And it should be written yes or no to substitutes so you know when picking.

So for example if sainsbury was your local and its
Gordens gin
Cathedral city cheese
Philidelphia
Organic whole milk
(Subs fine except for philly)

Fine as all those should be there sold by that one shop (list writer knows this) and if substitutes are not wanted the writer has said.

If the list is more
Aldis own squash
Sainsbury chicken
Waitrose mince
Icelands sausages

Yanbu as a) it's increasing your risk in different shops b) increasing the time taken to shop.

OP well done for volunteering I only read your post and agreed with you & then read a few others below it who clearly don't get it (like they'd starve rather than have their branded items, yeah right!) and I cba reading the rest. People are so entitled these days. No-one needs raspberry & rose lemonade in a pandemic.

I think Morrison’s have it right by creating a basic food box where you don't get to choose or be picky but can have it sent quickly. Don't put your life and that of others at risk for picky entitled eaters, YANBU.

If you want to be Lady Bountiful then don't do it for me. Why have I got to be treated differently just because I'm 'old'?

Because someone is kindly doing you a favour.
The alternative is to get your own shopping.

Vulnerable people can read, FYI.

I am dreading if I have to ask volunteers to help in case one of them snipes about me online for wanting more than gruel to get me through such a depressing and miserable time. Luckily I can access supermarket deliveries but if I couldn’t I would now be worried about this nastiness.

You have NO IDEA what it is like to feel this scared alone and powerless.

So vulnerable people are likely facing 6 months of lockdown, maybe even for as long as it takes for a vaccine to be made (this is what my parents fear) and you want them on a plain diet and to make do not only without be able to go out and about, spend time with loved ones or even just others people but also food and drink that offers some normalcy and comfort?! YABU If it’s too much don’t volunteer. This is more than just providing them with basic foodstuffs, way more than that. Pretend you are the one facing lockdown for an unknown period where you cannot leave your home. It’s understandable some may be picky and awkward. They’re fucking scared.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable.
I think it’s ok to ask one one or two specific items (we all have our favourites) but the majority should be generic.
Volunteers will stop offering their services if people continue to be fussy and ungrateful. Then what will happen?

It's absolutely shitty to be old and have no control over one's life any more. To face the future few months not being able to leave your home, see your family, visit a shop, and without even being able to choose your own food.

Just think about it for a minute. It's bad enough that those of us who are reasonably fit are so constrained in what we're able to do. Imagine not even being able to choose the coffee you like, or the biscuits that are your favourite comfort food. Not just for a week or two, but for however long this goes on.

Loss of control over even the smallest things in one's life is the biggest enemy of one's mental health. For goodness' sake, think about it, and have some empathy with the people in this horrible position.

Thanks Spider7. People are so bloody sanctimonious when they don’t have to live under what they are saying.

OP do YOU just buy basics for yourself???

My neighbours have been for me and I've been pretty easy going I think! They asked me to be specific so I've said stuff like

Morrison's best 80 teabags or Yorkshire or any tea that's left
Milk - any big bottle
Eggs - free range x 6 - if no free range then none
Bread - big loaf, medium brown any brand
Bananas x 5 or however many they have
Cereal - weetabix or crunchy nut or alpen

But they've also got my number and have text me asking if they're not sure before they go and letting me know if there's anything sold out

I hope they issue some guidance to volunteers as it is actually deeply unethical to post about people you are meant to be helping.

I posted previously that I'm doing shopping for 2 elderly disabled people, one of which has a Parrot 😂who likes monkey nuts and popcorn but not salted popcorn . The Parrot is the fussiest out of the lot .
I am only doing shopping for these two people and have said I will do it for as long as necessary
They both live within a 10 mins drive and I think
that by limiting myself to just these two people & the Parrot 😂I can make sure they get everything they need . And I don’t get stressed out as I’m also doing shopping for my parents and my parents neighbour as well

Yanbu. We have to be greatful for help when we receive it. Also the supermarkets aren't exactly rife with everything at the moment so this is not the time to be picky.

İ have a Tesco shop coming tomorrow first and last slot i can get. They changed their rules after i checked out last week to maximum 80 items. İ have had to go through and delete so many things and just get the basics. 80 items is nothing when it's for 2 adults and 4 kids. For example maximum 3 bread. That will last 3 days. But we aren't complaining we are hoping for flour and then we can make our own bread. İt's not a time to be fussy