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AIBU?

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Original poster

If you are receiving shopping via volunteers please can I request

440 replies

MatildaTheCat · 31/03/2020 15:25

That you stick to essential items and keep them as non specific as possible. DH and I shopped for two vulnerable people this morning under an official scheme. Their requests included 1 litre gin (ok maybe essential), branded tonic, branded cleaning items, organic gala apples, rose and raspberry lemonade, non sweetened organic coconut milk and on and on.

I lost a lot of sleep last night worrying about the additional exposure to the public while searching for half this stuff. In fact we did get pretty much everything but had we been asked for ie large brown loaf, cheddar, packet of bacon, mince, frozen peas it would have been a lot less stressful. This is going to last some months for the most vulnerable, if you or your family are in that category please help by keeping it simple.

Thank you.

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 31/03/2020 20:47

You're not cut out for this.

Dont volunteer if it's going to keep you awake and require you to post on anonymous forums about it.

Have you posted this on your local Facebook group or whatever you have? I bet not.

mbosnz · 31/03/2020 20:53

I think a lot of people who cannot get to the supermarkets, are perhaps a little bit unaware of just how. . . different the shopping experience currently is.

Being a bloody picky shopper myself, I understand that what they want is what they want.

However, times, they are a changing, and they need to understand and accept that sometimes you might get what you need, but not what you want, to mangle both Dylan and Jagger. And appreciate that they're not the ones queuing and traipsing round the bloody supermarkets, spending the time and risking infection.

AutumnRose1 · 31/03/2020 21:06

Gabriella sorry to be thick
What is it you think OP should post on Facebook please?

Waveysnail · 31/03/2020 21:12

I think you just make person aware that you are going to x shop. If they don't have the item are they happy with substitution or not buy anything.

First I thought - yep that's picky but tbh I'd rather have specifics BUT with the proviso they are subbed or not brought at all

Mrsjayy · 31/03/2020 21:12

Thes support groups are wonderfully kind and well meaning but they are starting to implode our local one is a mess, but if you are offering to do shopping you need to do their shopping if that is a bottle of angel tears for their gin then so be it ! You can't dictate essentials and if you are stressing then you need to stop.

frumpety · 31/03/2020 21:22

How far do you think volunteers should travel for those 'angel tears' Mrsjayy ? to one other supermarket ? every other shop in town ? travel to the next town ? Just so the person writing the list can enjoy their celestial cocktail whilst on lockdown ? Wink

thegcatsmother · 31/03/2020 21:23

YANBU. I do the shopping for my Mum, who wanted me to go to two supermarkets. She got told I would only be going to one, and that some of the stuff would be from our village shop to ensure she got it (and I can just walk there). I got everything she needed in Lidl, and I wasn't going to queue around the car park at Morrisons for 3 small cans of tuna in a pack.

I use a local food hub, so have organised some things to be delivered here that can go in my freezer til the next time I see her.

Helpwithaversion · 31/03/2020 21:24

This would be my dd if she had to ask for help. She has ASD and ARFID she has a very narrow range of acceptable foods which are quite obscure so our potential list would look like we were total piss takers yet in reality she would rather starve than deviate and she has in fact in the last nearly done so losing 3.5 stone and being very ill

It’s not always straightforward, someone’s shopping list doesn’t tell you everything

Original poster
MatildaTheCat · 31/03/2020 21:26

Thanks again to everyone, even those who have decided I’m unsuited to volunteering and should jack it in now.

I think I will probably use today as a lesson in shopping for total strangers, using their money on items which are difficult to source. I definitely need to ask which products could be substituted. Allergies had obviously been enquired after.

I’m not in fact a very anxious person and am generally pretty competent but I suppose the last weeks have tested us all and pushing our boundaries. Next time I shop it should be easier if it’s the same clients (assuming ground unicorn hooves are in stock). Smile

Thanks especially to those who have also been shopping for others. It genuinely isn’t as straightforward as you might think. And with food items it’s not as if anything unsuitable can be returned.

Cheers.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 31/03/2020 21:27

Pardon I think we have the same request in our area .... Grin.

I sincerely hope that those of you saying the OP is being unreasonable are out volunteering yourselves, or is it easier to criticise on the anonymity of this forum?

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 31/03/2020 21:27

If you want specific gin etc, concentrate your efforts on the supermarkets and the governments inadequate response to the current crisis involving a fatal disease, not berating volunteers for doing a shit job or insufficiently catering to your wants.

Funny, I must have missed the part where the OP was berated by the people she was shopping for, or where they were unreasonable about their wants not having been met.

People are allowed to have preferences and wants, and to put these on the list. Stock may be low, but the item they like may be there, and there's not yet any reason why they should be expected to subsist on food they dislike.

It is only a problem if they react badly when reasonable substitutions are made. But that didn't happen here, did it?

Theworldisfullofgs · 31/03/2020 21:28

Seeing some of the replies on here, I can see why people don't volunteer Hmm

Mrsjayy · 31/03/2020 21:28

Alli was suggesting was try and get shopping from whichever supermarket they were going to and if they can't get something then that isn't the Ops fault and she musn't stress about it but that boundry isn't in place so the op is going on about "essentials"

GabriellaMontez · 31/03/2020 21:30

I think she should post her request autumn

frumpety · 31/03/2020 21:36

Helpwithaversion but she would be clear that alternatives wouldn't be acceptable wouldn't she ? So the volunteer would know not to substitute for an alternative brand/type ?

AutumnRose1 · 31/03/2020 21:37

Gabriella I see. I don’t if people who want ground unicorn hooves will pay attention 😂

But please OP, don’t get worked up about it, tell people when they’re taking the piss - I bet they know and bank on you being too nice to say it - and good on you for volunteering.

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 31/03/2020 21:41

All I was suggesting was try and get shopping from whichever supermarket they were going to and if they can't get something then that isn't the Ops fault and she musn't stress about it

That is the most sensible approach. Try to get the list, make substitutions if you need to, and leave it at that. Don't stress.

And don't berate the clients for wanting something that you deem to be non-essential.

BreconBeBuggered · 31/03/2020 21:42

The thing with the finger-wagging about 'essentials only', is that people's essentials are not the same. When I was housebound with a young baby, social workers offered me a shopping service. All I had to do was tick off essential items off a list and pay for it. The trouble was, their idea of essentials was very heavy on mince, bacon, corned beef, cornflakes, tea, coffee...things I pretty much never buy. There was very little choice indeed. I'm doing similar shopping for vulnerable elderly family members right now, and it took me bloody ages to locate the corned beef and choose the right kind of bacon. I know exactly where they keep the rose lemonade, though (as a pp suggested, it's in the soft drinks aisle, not far from the raspberry lemonade). I'm happy to look for treats for them, but then I know they are genuinely grateful for the trouble taken. I think if I was doing a similar service for people who started taking it for granted and quibbling about paying for the wrong kind of gin, I'd get a little pissed off.
I know it's early days, but I must echo another pp about how worthless and powerless it makes you feel long term when decisions about basic things like what they think you should be allowed to buy are taken out of your hands. I can't tell you how shitty it is. Do explain that some things aren't available if you can't get them.

frumpety · 31/03/2020 21:43

MatildaTheCat just tell them you are popping to Lidl and do they want anything ? Shopping list will consist of some Chorizo, Basil, Mozzarella and a chainsaw and new bed for the dog Grin

OliviaBenson · 31/03/2020 21:46

I volunteer shop for others and I prefer specifics- if not, what if I bought branded but they expected own brand stuff for financial reasons? It's a minefield!!

A lot of that list I would need too as I'm very intolerant to sweeteners and it's in tonic water, lemonade, yogurt etc, hence the need for air if trusted brands.

I wouldn't expect a volunteer to go to other stores though, I'd do without it. But I'd resent paying for foodstuffs I couldn't eat just because I hadn't been specific enough. I'd hate to feel I was being judged for it too.

frumpety · 31/03/2020 21:46

Although our local one has had a run on the dog beds, you could cut up some fleeces left over from the Ski season stuff ? Wink

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 31/03/2020 21:47

Seeing some of the replies on here, I can see why people don't volunteer

exactly.

Unfortunately, SOME people are a lot more rude and entitled towards volunteers than they are towards someone they pay or they think has some authority.

The whole point of volunteers as it stands is to bring some basic supplies when you absolutely cannot go yourself, and are waiting for a delivery slot - or a government parcel.
It's not to become a private bellboy running errands for some CF.

If you physically cannot eat anything than bonne maman compotes, you are not a CF for asking for them.

POP7777777 · 31/03/2020 21:49

Fully agree. Get in, get out. No time for browsing!

BubblyBarbara · 31/03/2020 21:51

YABU. My OCD means I can’t have brands that start with a vowel in my home so I ask for certain brands that start with consonants, like Jif cleaner is ok but not Aldi home brand

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 31/03/2020 21:52

I must echo another pp about how worthless and powerless it makes you feel long term when decisions about basic things like what they think you should be allowed to buy are taken out of your hands. I can't tell you how shitty it is.

this is not a normal situation. ALL OF US are struggling to get some or any food. Last week, there was no egg to be seen in any of the local shops. If someone requests from a volunteer that they get eggs but only free range from a specific brand.. isn't that taking the piss?

You can keep trying to get a delivery slot from one of your local supermarkets if you want to keep your shopping freedom. Good luck when half the order won't be available.

It's not about punishing or looking down at anyone, it's about being realistic about the current situation and acknowledging that volunteers are putting themselves at risk to help you.