If you are receiving shopping via volunteers please can I request

[MatildaTheCat]

That you stick to essential items and keep them as non specific as possible. DH and I shopped for two vulnerable people this morning under an official scheme. Their requests included 1 litre gin (ok maybe essential), branded tonic, branded cleaning items, organic gala apples, rose and raspberry lemonade, non sweetened organic coconut milk and on and on.

I lost a lot of sleep last night worrying about the additional exposure to the public while searching for half this stuff. In fact we did get pretty much everything but had we been asked for ie large brown loaf, cheddar, packet of bacon, mince, frozen peas it would have been a lot less stressful. This is going to last some months for the most vulnerable, if you or your family are in that category please help by keeping it simple.

Thank you.

YABU because if it's a hassle you need to either take it up with the person requesting or with the charity/organisation you are volunteering for. Our local scheme is very clear that they will only shop in two specific shops, so if they don't have it you can't get it. Don't get stressed about it, just be clear with everyone what your boundaries are. If you are only prepared to go to Tesco you just day so clearly.

You're not cut out for this.
Dont volunteer if it's going to keep you awake and require you to post on anonymous forums about it.
There's no need to be unpleasant. The OP is volunteering to go out extra in order to shop for those who can't.

There's nothing wrong in reminding people who can't shop at the moment that the more precise their list in terms of wanting specific brands, the more time it takes the volunteer, the more queues the volunteer has to stand in, the more shops they have to visit and before you know it they've been out all afternoon going shop to shop.

It's entirely reasonable for people to say "these items please, I normally buy value / supermarket brand / supermarket finest / branded on the whole" and then on certain items say "X Y or Z preferably / brand if possible, if not don't buy it/get the closest you can".

Volunteers are doing a good deed. They aren't personal servants who should needlessly expose themselves and potentially others to the virus so that someone can have their branded item sourced from 7 different shops.

We are shopping for my parents and i would rather chew a wall than try and decipher another list from the mother !so I applaud these volunteers but you have to try your best and not have it keep you up at night.

YANBU

I was thinking about this today. What if someone had to do my shopping for me? I’d hate it because I’d feel I coildnt have all the things I wanted. I’d have to be v specific and then trust someone else go get it or miss out on my usual luxuries.

I think maybe they were just listing the things they usually buy so you could just ask if you can substitute other things rather than go to different shops.

I wouldn’t mind them being specific but you shouldn’t put your own lives at risk by going to different shops to find exactly what they want.

Last week, there was no egg to be seen in any of the local shops. If someone requests from a volunteer that they get eggs but only free range from a specific brand.. isn't that taking the piss?

If someone is shielding, they won't have a clue what is or isn't available in the shops right now. How are they taking the piss? If they prefer free-range, but happily accept whatever can be obtained when it is explained to them that there is limited availability, what's wrong with that?

It's only an issue if they are unreasonable about it?

OliviaBenson there is nothing wrong in not wanting stuff you don't like or want. But if someone is going to a shop and have kindly offered to get you some supplies, this does not mean they have suddenly turned into online shopping pickers. They can only get what is available when they go to the shop and it might not be the shop you usually choose to shop in.

I agree OP. I’ve told a neighbour I’m popping to Aldi once a week if they need anything. I’ve been given a list of branded products, doesn’t want any other brand.. I’m not going around shops looking for this stuff. If it’s essential, then surely Aldi’s own products will do the job.

The people I shop for know I'm going to Aldi for it, so they accept there is very little choice and I'm unlikely to get anything branded. I don't think it's unfair to set your own rules when you're doing favours. I could go to any supermarket, but I stick to Aldi for this very reason; I'm not buggering around visiting several places or making my own shopping less easy to make sure my neighbour gets a specific packet of biscuits.

This has seem to have brought out the worst in people.

I must echo another pp about how worthless and powerless it makes you feel long term when decisions about basic things like what they think you should be allowed to buy are taken out of your hands. I can't tell you how shitty it is.

It's fairly shitty to take out your feelings on a volunteer in this situation.

Most of us can't get what we want currently.. S ome people are losing their jobs. Some people are putting their lives at risk every day.

OP thanks for doing the thankless task of volunteering.
In ordinary times those of us who do the volunteering thing know exactly how you feel.

YABU.
FFS, if you're willing to help get them the stuff they usually buy from the shop, surely you're out there shopping anyway for them regardless of whether it's Branston or Heinz or whatever brand of whatever they want - you'd have to look for it anyway!
I'd hate to have to rely on other people to do my shopping for me, it'd be like having a bit of my independence taken away - and then for your so called helper to be putting stipulations on what they're willing to get you or what they deem appropriate/essential?
Your essential might not necessarily be theirs.
You're not the Shopping Basket Police
Would give you a biscuit but you'd probably announce it too frivolous.
Seriously, MN is depressing as hell lately.
Sick of all the moaners.

I’ve been doing shopping for two elderly people who are shielding and asked for help on Facebook .
I’ve explained that I can go to Tescos Express and Lidls but not the big Asda or Tescos as the queues are terrible but where I live the Lidl’s after 7pm is always empty but fully stocked and there are 3 Tescos Express that are within a 2 mins drive of each other and because of the locations usually empty and full of stock .
And if I can’t get something from one I can easily nip to the other one .
Some of the stuff required has been quite specific but they have also said no problem if I can’t get exactly what they have asked for . I’ve actually managed to get everything they have asked for so it’s not been a problem .

I don’t actually mind popping in a few shops to get stuff . Would rather do that than queue for ages in the big stores

Seeing some of the replies on here, I can see why people don't volunteer

On the flip side, I feel worried for vulnerable people who make a shopping list (and pay for the food) and are then being criticised by the new Facebook volunteer groups.

Although I agree, options should be given if first choice isn’t available. But I would hate to buy stuff that people won’t use.

Wotcha “ You're not the Shopping Basket Police ”

No, and she’s not their PA either.

and then for your so called helper to be putting stipulations on what they're willing to get you or what they deem appropriate/essential?

The helper is a volunteer, not a paid member of your staff. They should not have to put themselves out to the extent of taking extra time faffing around looking for special brands. They will want to get in and out of the shops quickly, it is a risky place to be at the moment.

I get where you are coming from OP, on an online shop my relative wanted incredibly specific things that just weren’t available to order. A friend’s relative wanted things like anchovies and capers. Probably not going to happen right now.

The current situation is temporary and volunteers are putting themselves at risk being in supermarkets more than they would be if only doing their own shopping.

We've all seen the various diagrams showing the branching network of people behind and flowing on from just one extra contact per day.

I totally understand that in normal circumstances it's disempowering to have someone else make your choices for you and little choices matter a lot when you feel disempowered.

My mum use to shop for my mil and refused to buy my (tiny, incredibly elderly, to be honest rather spiteful) mil 2 litre bottles of own brand cider. She'd buy her little 330ml bottles of naice cider sometimes but not every time, because it wasn't good for her and own brand cider was "ewww, awful..." and she was embarrassed to buy it. She'd then rage that mil had asked her carers to buy her the cider she wanted as this was also embarrassing.

Now that's plainly wrong. My grandmother couldn't do her own shopping ever again - couldn't drive, couldn't walk more than a few meters, couldn't use technology and didn't want to, wouldn't consider getting in a taxi, couldn't see very much or hear much but refused to wear glasses or hearing aids or use any kind of walking aid or mobility aid... If nobody bought her her cider she'd never have it ever, and being embarrassed and thinking she shouldn't have it weren't good reasons to remove the choice from her.

At the moment though the people being shopped for by others only due to Corona will be able to shop for themselves again in future.

The fact this is temporary is a massive psychological difference.

Additionally anything requiring shoppers to visit multiple shops and search for very specific items increases the shopping volunteer's exposure to potential carriers of the virus.

It just isn't the same as permanently removing choice from vulnerable people due to power tripping and/ or sanctimoniously knowing "what's best for them" or not caring what they want.

It's a temporary situation involving risk to the volunteers which increases exponentially the more shops they visit or time they spend in shops.

Therefore empowerment models have to be regarded as not necessarily applying to the specific situation of volunteers shopping for the temporarily shielding/ self isolating during the Corona pandemic.

OP thanks for doing the thankless task of volunteering.

But if you are looking for thanks/reward then volunteering is not right for that person. Plus op is hardly a silent volunteer, due to letting mumsnet know all about it.

Personally I think a more precise list is helpful, as long as they are ok with substitutes if you can't find what they want.
I was stuck behind someone in an aisle the other day on the phone to someone they were shopping for and they had questions about everything on the list. Apples for example...how do you know red , green, sweet, sour, cheap, organic?

I'm sorry but I dont see what's so wrong in the people you were helping wanting what is probably their usual shopping items. It is so lovely of you to help, but who wants to pay for brands they dont like.

Wotcha “ You're not the Shopping Basket Police ”
No, and she’s not their PA either

No, I agree she's not, but if you're volunteering to help someone get their shopping, to then come onto an internet forum to moan about them and judge with strangers -
that what they want is it necessary and that they should stick to essential items - where do you draw the line with that, who says what is essential?
As somebody on the thread pointed out, if you're not able to get out to the shops lately, how are you supposed to know how hard it is to be able to get certain stuff at the moment?
You'd just write down your shopping list of the stuff you usually get.

Every communication is a back and forth.

Volunteers only get paid in thanks. Its actually common courtesy.

Many people on here are just pretty entitled in a time of national crisis.

But you know, fill your boots.

Great post @anothernotherone

If someone is shielding, they won't have a clue what is or isn't available in the shops right now.

if they know enough to stay safely home and not risk their lives but benefit from the goodwill of volunteers - risking their own- surely they must have an inkling about the current situation

This is not the time to play blissful ignorance.

Nope. I am shopping for 2 other households.

I don't mind but I made it clear that I would do the best I could but that you get what you get at the moment.

I will not be running around to different stores increasing mine and my immediate family's risk factor so someone can have their preferred brand.

If that is not acceptable, no problem sort it out yourself.

That was muddled sorry - my mother shopped for her mil (who was my grandmother). Doesn't actually matter for the point I was trying to make but it's muddled...