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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bloody children

114 replies

thegreenlight · 31/03/2020 09:45

My 2 and 6 year old boys are so noisy and can’t be in a room together without shouting and screaming Sad 2 year old does something 2 year oldish, 6 year old totally overreacts. I’m not allowed to do anything for myself. I’m trying to work from home and they have to be in the same room with me ALL THE TIME! Husband is working full time and wondered why I’m grumpy and do t want sex at the end of the day. They won’t play nicely, they have hardly any toys because though they have lovely things they then lose all the pieces so it can’t be played with. I’m hating being a parent right now.

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 31/03/2020 09:54

You can't work from home and look after children at the same time. You just can't.
The most you can hope for is to focus in them for periods of time, wear them out with physical exercise ( do you have anywhere to walk them?) Then sit them in front of a programme while you squeeze in a bit of work.
Husband should take over children when he gets home.

endofthelinefinally · 31/03/2020 09:55

It's not their fault. They are just being children.
Why are you expected to wfh when you have no child care?

JustStayAtHome · 31/03/2020 09:57

It will have to be one or the other

You can’t do both! Do work know your situation?

LouiseTrees · 31/03/2020 10:01

Have your husband look after them on whatever his day off is. Tape them on your phone screaming and play it in his ear at bedtime. Say would you want sex after having this all damn day. It is possible to do both work and childcare but you need to realise you need to not just assume it will still fit a normal timetable and you need to let some things go and also let your work know you are struggling

crispysausagerolls · 31/03/2020 10:05

There is nothing helpful to say because it’s a clusterfuck situation with no solution.

I just came to say YANBU and what a fucking nightmare. Hard enough with one at home all day and not working. Two?! Working?! Fucking hell.

billy1966 · 31/03/2020 10:10

Beyond stressful OP, trying to work and childmind at the same time...nightmare

I second taping the children at their worst and play it for himHmm

Original poster
thegreenlight · 31/03/2020 10:12

I’ve just absolutely lost my shit with them. They were in the bath just screaming and splashing each other. I’m a shit mother, I must be because my children literally don’t know how to play. Husband gets gone from work, takes a leisurely shit for 20 minutes, then either does his hobby until it gets dark or sits in his phone on the sofa. Woe is me if I question him - shot him looks last night as I tried to cook dinner while still dealing with the children as he sat on his arse. He says ‘just ignore them’ right because I can do that for 10 hours. God I feel like I’m at breaking point!

OP posts:
OtherVoices · 31/03/2020 10:17

Your husband is the problem here.

playthestation · 31/03/2020 10:19

Your child is 2. It's unreasonable to expect that child to simply play alongside their older sibling.

endofthelinefinally · 31/03/2020 10:22

Your children are just normal children. Your husband is a selfish, ignorant man.
Looking after small children is a full time job. That is why we have, and pay, child minders and nannies.
I would be furious if my childminder was ignoring my children and doing another job.
Why are you working from home when you have no child care?

JennysTailor · 31/03/2020 10:25

So he has probably always been like this but it's more magnified now you are stuck at home and trying to work while looking after your kids.

He's a self serving shit. Don't forget this.

JennysTailor · 31/03/2020 10:27

And you aren't a failure or a bad parent by the way. I'm stuck at home with two of a similar age, not working as I have lost my job but everything is pretty awful right now so you have my sympathy. You are doing grand, he is the shit parent.

YouJustDoYou · 31/03/2020 10:28

Yet another father who comes home, takes his own leisurely time to happily do his stupid fucking hobbies whilst hell rains down around him, expects to be served dinner AND also get "serviced" at the end of the day (and invariably gets arsy for being "rejected"). Tell him he needs to help look after HIS children, because you're not a fucking maid servant nanny.

Timebean · 31/03/2020 10:36

You don't have a child problem, they sound 100% normal. You have a husband problem.

Notverybright · 31/03/2020 10:36

How much work is there to do? Can you alternate work and giving the kids attention.

Can you give the kids an hour non-stop attention straight after breakfast? Then they might calm down to play or watch telly while you do work.

Then you can take them for a walk/garden time after work, again with lots of attention. Then again you wfh while they watch telly. Between 3pm-4pm seems to be the best time to get stuff done with my 2.

Also, your husband needs to pull his finger out.

Notverybright · 31/03/2020 10:38

*after lunch not after work

missyelloww · 31/03/2020 10:38

I'm a bit confused at all the people asking OP why she's working from home with no childcare - I think there are millions of people doing that right now! Confused

OP - you certainly don't sound like a shit mother. You sound like you have been put in a less than ideal situation and you are trying your best to deal with it. I think it's really important that you stress to your husband how much you're struggling if you can. Be calm and honest and tell him how you feel and if he's a decent person then hopefully you can come to some sort of compromise?

slipperywhensparticus · 31/03/2020 10:40

Buy a whistle when they get loud blow it

inwood · 31/03/2020 10:41

YOu have a husband problem. Your 2 yo is just being a 2yo.

slipperywhensparticus · 31/03/2020 10:43

It fucking sucks right now and mine are 7 and 11 CANNOT TALK MUST SCREAM ignores everything I say they are supposed to be getting dressed right kow to walk to school to collect food they arnt they are FUCKING SCREAMING AGAIN I'm getting dressed I will clean up the one that gets hurt the most in a minute (usually the 11 year old my 7 year old is a tough bastard)

OtherVoices · 31/03/2020 10:44

Buy a whistle when they get loud blow it

Imagine if I did that in my classroom at school?!! HmmShockGrin

RoyalCorgi · 31/03/2020 10:48

A six year old has nothing in common with a two year old. That's why they can't play together. Also: you can't work and look after children. It's like simultaneously trying to be a nurse and a teacher. They're both full-time jobs. As the obvious solutions (finding childcare or taking time off work) are presumably out of the question, I don't have any solutions, sorry. You probably just have to muddle through.

gingerbeerandlemonade · 31/03/2020 10:48

You're working from home, looking after two children (presumably trying to get the eldest to do school work), keeping the household running and cooking dinner. Your husband is the problem! He should be pulling his weight when he gets in. Could you not say from the time he gets in until kids bedtime, you will be working so he has to look after kids so you're less stressed about working when kids are your responsibility.

JustFrustrated · 31/03/2020 10:48

@OtherVoices they used to when I was in school (only 15 years ago) soon shut us up and got out attention.

billy1966 · 31/03/2020 10:49

Well your husband is the real problem OP.

What a pig to come home and do nothing.

I would be going absolutely nuclear on a father who behaved like that....cooking dinner for him😳....that wouldn't be happening.

Women will really see who they are living with at a time like this.

You are living with a selfish pig.

God help you OPFlowers

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